Something is terribly wrong...

I don't know what the heck is going on lately. Everyone is down in the dumps. Way down. This is so hard. This is messed up. This sucks. Me personally, I am suffering spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. So let me break it down for ya, just in case you wanna know.

Spiritually: I feel so deeply the need to get closer to my God. I go to church at least 3x a week. I serve God, I love God with all my heart. But for some reason I find it so hard to do the things I know he wants me to do. I haven't read the word in I don't know how long. I want to, I know I need to. I haven't been fasting lately either. And even though I pray everyday, I'm not getting that deep prayer like I need. I have not been interceding for others like I should. That frustrates me. God does so much for me and I do stuff for him too but I need to do more.

Emotionally: Of course everyone knows that I miss So' (aka Lamont). I feel like something is so strange about this whole situation. I pick up on 'vibes' alot and something just doesn't seem right. I can't believe he knew he was gonna die. He knew. Now I will never have the love I wanted. Never. I will never kiss him, hold him, even talk to him again. I am sad about it but I'm tired of being sad all the time. But I can't help it. I truly thought he would be 'the one'. How silly of me. Now, I am happy for Sonia and her um, 'friend' that she has found. That's all I'm gonna say about her friend.

Mentally: College is working my last nerve. Well, not so much college, but me in college. I can't believe my performance, I can do SO much better. I have so so so much work to do and catch up on but for some reason its just not getting done. My mind is so confused about so much right now. I'm sick of school. I wish I could take a semester off or something but I know that everyone will just be jumping on my back about it, I will loose my scholarship, and I would hate to 'take a break' and not come back, or not come back for like 3 years or something.

Physically: My mother is fussing about how I don't take care of my body. I already know I don't take care of my body. I don't get enough sleep, I don't drink enough water/fluids in general, I don't eat enough and what I do eat is unhealthy because I'm usually in a rush. The school/work/church combo is really wearing me down and on top of that I now have to worry about this DI thing. Destination Imagination is gonna kill me off, I can already feel it.

I am frustrated with my job. I know for a fact that God gave me this job because they never ever hire anyone under 18 and I was 16 when I started. I have been given so much favor there, it is ridiculous to think of. I get away with so much. But I know God has me there for a reason, but in 2 years I have yet to figure that out. They don't wanna pay me nothing. That's what really makes me mad. I can't stand even going there. Ugh, I can't stand that job, but I must be grateful for it. I must be grateful for all my struggles. Like the song says "Trouble don't last always...."