I wish I wasn't fat

Right now, If I wasn't fat (and If the sky wasn't turning dark with clouds forewarning the thunderstorm, and if I didn't have a class to go to, and if I had some better gym shoes on) I would go running. I feel like running right now, running so fast, running for my life.

Not on a track though. Running on a track is running in circles and I'm not quite in a running in circles mood.

I would like to run either on a trail, like a beaten path type of trail, or just in some natural place. I wanna run so fast that I feel the still air turning into wind on my face, and it cools my whole being. I wanna run so hard that every muscle in my body is exerted to its fullest capacity, not even minding if I sweat (but I won't sweat cuz I'll be cooled by the air). I wanna run with such a rush of adrenaline that although my body is working to the maximum, arms and legs pumping like crazy, I'm not feeling the least bit winded. I wanna feel like my feet are barely touching the ground. I just wanna run.

But I'm a lil too fat for all that, so I'ma just sit here at this computer screen, mabye eat a pack of donuts lol.

I also feel like writing. I wanna write words so powerful that they draw the reader in with each and every single sentence, every single word, every single letter. I wanna write the words that move the masses, that motivate the citizens of the world to action to better their lives and the condition of life as a whole. I wanna write the words that prick and provoke those feelings of the heart, just as a pin pricking a finger. I wish I could write where my audience would feel and identify with every anguish, struggle, heartache, joy, pride and satisfaction. I want to write with such humor that brings alligator tears of deep laughter to one's eyes, causing that laughter that comes from the pit of the stomach and is felt throughout the whole body; foot-stomping, stomach cramping, hand-clapping, eye-watering, barely able to breathe laugh. The power of words and communication is amazing.

I want to be beautiful. Not pretty, not foine , definately not cute. I want to posess that inherent beauty that captivates, even merely from my posture and the way I carry myself. That beauty that lets everyone around me know that I am a queen, noble and virtuous, yet maintaining a deep sense of humility and compassion. Non-intimidating beauty that draws people in like a magnet, causing me to be that person that people just want to know. "What is it about her??" type beauty. The beauty that mesmerizes when I walk into a room, beauty that makes my conversation both intellectual and well-thought, yet down to earth. Beauty like the sunset that ends the perfect day, only to lead to that sunrise of the next.

I think I have a long way to go, I mean, even the most precious of the elements (i.e. diamonds, silver, and gold) must be refined. But even before their refining, their most stunning qualities are already present.