I've had some time to think.

Okay.
It has been about 4 hours since I found out that Max got married.
At first, I was *_* mad stunned. Literally as if I'd been hit with a stun gun, frozen with the incapability to produce thoughts of feeling.
Now I can think a little more and I need to express these feelings.

I feel a little sad, not only because he is with somebody else, but he is with somebody else PERMANENTLY. Marriage is such a big step! And WHY didn't he tell me he was engaged BEFORE we 'engaged' ourselves in our own thing? Isn't that weird? I mean, technically he had someone else, although they kinda weren't together. So did he cheat on her or not? Am I just sloppy seconds? Anyway, back to the sadness, him being married means that I can never (rightfully) hold him in my arms again, be held in his arms again, kiss his full, delicious lips again. . . NEVER. I am determined not to help this man be an adulterer, cuz please believe it can happen. I would hate for my man to cheat on me, whether I knew it or not, whether I was in the same country or not. I don't want to do that to another woman.

I feel unconcluded, because there were and are SOOO many things I never told him about how I felt about him. Now, none of those feelings matter, because he is a married man.

I feel like telling myself (for the second time this week) "It's not fair!!!!" But you know what, it's not about me. It's not right for me to be selfish, but I am a part of this situation and therefore do have resulting emotions.

I feel a little jealous. Not sure of whom though.

Mostly, I still feel shocked. To me, marriage is such a big deal. I'm a little bit in denial and fully aware of it. is that strange?

This is all so new.