Trabajadora, Estudiosa, Diligente...

Lately I've been thinking about school and my education. Thinking about how I want to be this hardworking, studious person, pulling A's in all my classes, gaining a wealth of knowledge. Thinking about how I'm not doing any of that.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So anyway, I'm thinking I need some help. I don't know why I keep piling so much on my plate that I can't handle. Someone told me once it's because that's what I like to do. I thought she was crazy, but her explanation made sense. When I'm bored and have nothing to do, I hate it. It's like I have no purpose, nothing to live for. But when I'm busy busy busy, life is exciting, always something to do (whether I want to do it or not). I've also found that the more I have to do, the more I actually get done (percentage-wise). When I don't have anything to do, and something comes up it has a lesser chance of getting done. (did that make sense?) I have 2 big tasks coming up. 1 is writing the Easter play for church. OK, Easter is like 2 weeks away, and we're just finding out we don't have a play. The same one that we've been doing for like five years is missing, which is fine because it's getting kinda played out. So genius me comes up with a concept for a new play, something contemporary mixed with traditional, sure to be a House of Prayer hit. But that's it, all I want to provide is the concept, I don't want to write the play. I'm an actress, not a playwright! My passion is the stage. Too bad for me, because the task is now in my hands.

The second thing is a praise dance. I'm the captain of the praise dance team and we need a new dance. Not only do we need a dance for Sunday (since we dance every first Sunday), but we need a new dance for Easter. That means I have to pick out a song and come up with some moves, while I'm working on this play (which needs to be done this week), and manage to keep up with my studies that I am slowly being buried under.

Added stress: I have a math test tomorrow. This is bad because I have been really slacking in that class, no joke. This new chapter we're working on, I don't even know what it's about! I am so lost, and since I'm lost I haven't bothered to pay attention in class. I've been telling myself I'm gonna study for it outside of class, I'm gonna learn it on my own. Yeah, that's been for like 2 weeks and now the test is right in my face, what am I going to do??

Why do I do this to myself?

Ok, I changed my mind, I'm not going to write about Jeffery yet. Maybe later, maybe not. I'm in a melancholy mood right now. I had school and work today and was looking forward to having the house to myself this weekend, even though I would be busy. The first damper on that is that the car wouldn't start on Mama's way home from work, so it's currently in State Farm's parking lot. Which means I have to find a time to go and get it before Sunday, which means tomorrow, and I'm expecting to be busy all day tomorrow. I'm supposed to go over Emily's house and spend the night, but I'm tired now and don't really feel like it. But at the same time, I don't want to let her down because she was looking forward to it so much, and I'm always cancelling on my friends it seems like. Something always 'comes up'. I'm always busy or tired.

Dear Elizabeth,
How is life? I hope all is going well for you and that you are staying blessed. What's this about you feeling down? Why? What's the matter love? You say you're having a lot going on in your life right now, small amounts of time to manage and lots of things to fit in. I understand, life is just one of those things that never takes a break, even though we want to. Just keep going with it, your rest will come when you need it most. School isn't going as well as you would like? Girl, you're getting one C, all the rest are A's and B's-what's wrong with you? You haven't made grades this good in a while, you should be proud of yourself. You made it out of high school and now you're in college and succeding! It seems like only yesterday you were in Whistler Elementary school, back on the south side of Chicago, one of the smartest kids in your grade. That intelligence has always been in you Elizabeth, even when you didn't realize it. School came easy to you then, but college is different. If you make B's by doing what you're doing now, step it up a bit and those A's that you want will become your reality. And what is upsetting you about your poetry? What makes you feel like it's not as good as others'? Let me tell you something, poetry is art, and that's something you can't judge and critique on a universal scale. Your poetry is not the same as anybody else's. You don't write Zi's poetry, you don't write Ju's poetry, you don't write KB's poetry, you write Elizabeth's poetry. What can you compare it to? Poetry is unique to the individual, and only you can understand the special meanings behind each of your poems, keep that in mind. Don't compare your work to anyone else's, you are not them. Just keep doing what you do, remember, your poetry is for you (hey, that rhymed). Anyhow, I know that you know that you need to stop this holding back stuff. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're holding back your praise and worship for God, you're holding back on your studies, you're even holding back on having fun. What's this all about? Do you know why you're holding back? because you are afraid to fall. Afraid to get hurt. Most of all, afraid to fail. But I think that you will find that the joy, excitement, and fulfillment you get from giving life your all will be worth the few 'bruises' (physical or not) that you may get. Try it for a while, you won't want to go back. Keep your head up. Reach for the stars love, "who are you not to achieve?" You are still at the beginning of your Journey, and you have a long way to go so don't give up yet. You are loved and needed, don't forget that.
Much love,
eliz

My 5-Five people who have made my week interesting
Yes, this has been an interesting week indeed, full of poetry and new friends. (old ones too)

1) Julius. I met him this week, Monday I think, and he is absolutely great. He is from Africa, Cameroon if I'm not mistaken. He writes poetry, draws, and is a very intelligent individual (and handsome too *nods*). Sonia would always talk about him, and I've been wanting to talk to him for a while, but he was on vacation for what seems like the longest time. So now that he is back, conversing with him is a highlight of my day. He is so good with words, and from what I know about him, I'm not exactly sure what is making the girls in Cameroon not swoon over him.

2)Sonia. For some reason, everytime I have a list about people, she always makes it. I guess that's because she is a big part of my life. (awwww, sentimental moment) We had a little taste of some troubles this week, but luckily our quarrels never last long. A little more than 12 hours to be approximate, and that's only because it started at night, and you know, there's the whole sleep thing. I'm glad our friendship is strong enough to resolve petty differences without hair pulling, etc. (Which is why our friendship is better than Roc and Karen's lol) *oh, sidenote, was anyone else schocked and slightly surprised that Sonia wrote a poem? I sure was, she' s the last person I expected to write, I didn't think it was 'her thing'.

3) Ziad-Met him thorough Sonia too. He's from Guyana just like her. He writes poetry as well, but they are raps. The boy has skillz, no joke. I think he needs to get in a studio ASAP and let them rhymes flow. He's an interesting charachter and although we don't talk too much our conversations always seem fulfilling to me. Like, one day we talked about why people doubt themselves, because he seems to doubt his talent, like so many people do. He's a bit of a bad-boy, but he seems to have a good heart. Sometimes we get caught up in the wrong things.

4) Kabah. Yes, Yes, he writes poetry too, what's new about that one? I didn't meet him recently, it's been about a little more than a month that I've known him. He's really one of those cool cats, always chilled out, going with the flow, rollin with the punches type of thing. He made my week interesting by raping my poetry. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, raping my poetry. I was showing my poems to Amelia, and when it got to a certain one, I noticed it looked a bit different. SKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT- Let's come to a halt and stop the press. No this boy did not change the font of my poem. NO he did not. - Yes, he did. My reaction to this was one of schock, I was taken aback. What, was my font not good enough? I mean, what's wrong with my font where it has to be minipulated? No, it wasn't that big of a deal, really, but it made me wonder. He claims the font was illegible and that it gave him a headache.

5) Jeffery-to be continued......(suspense, I know)

THE GAME

why we keep playing this game?
each and every day it's the same old same
runnin round in circles, im so dizzy
i want to know if this is chemistry

see, i be thinkin about you all the time
i find you often on my mind, and,
i wonder do you think of me too?
from the grey days to when the skies are blue, now,
what do you think i should do?

now, as sure as the sun is our brightest star
im wanting to get to know who you are
but this game got me bound
endless circles, round and round

The game goes like this:
I see you across the way
and instead of saying "hey", i play
and make like i'm going along with my day

and the words you want to say you keep
as if your words to me are asleep
and u just play and act so casually

now, you know i see you seeing me
and i know you see me seeing you
but the game makes us both play it cool
neither wants to show who's feeling who
and so the game continues...

knowin the game could have us missin out
on findin out what this is all about
same old game, everyday
just how long we gonna play

My Five-5 things I want right now

1) Food. Yo tengo mucho hambre and I really wanna eat. The cold has taken away my appetite, but my stomach isn't too happy about that. Some chili would be nice.
2) A friend. I'm lonely right now, noone is online, and noone is here at school for me to talk to. So that leaves me to either A) blog, or B) do some homework. As you can see I haven't chosen the latter.
3) Money. How much money??? I think $1,000 would do me good for now. I need some shoes, clothes, etc. And the rest I would save for my summer plans.
4) Excitement. It's been a long time since I've done anything that was just so fun and exciting. Life has been pretty much cut and dry, nothing special day to day. Wake up late, rush for the bus, go to class, etc. I need a break from that. I need some new, exciting people in my life too. (Don't worry old friends, you won't be replaced) I need escape from monotony.
5) Medicina. Some relief from my cold would make me quite happy.

I had a nice time over the weekend. Son', KaReisha, Emily and I got together and watched a movie at mi casa. It was good seeing KR again, I felt bad because it was her Spring Break and I only got to chill with her once. KR, this summer, its on!

We watched The Fighting Temptations, it was a good movie but I'm glad I didn't to to the theater to see it. I also got Bend it like Beckham, I guess it's supposed to be a good movie, so I plan on watching that tonight.

"I need you to teach me the ancient art of butt-whooop."

I'm not feeling well. I'm sick (the second time in 3 weeks), tired, and I need a car. And some money. I realized I'm a little saddened by the fact that I am always broke. Lately I've been more broke than usual, and I have to say, it doesn't fit my style, it doesn't go with my flow. But yet, week after week, I go back to Claire's. Week after week, I put up with the madness to make a little pocket change. This has got to stop.

I'm talking to Julius online now, and I absolutely love this guy! He is great! I love the way he thinks and talks.

Tis all for now, I must go to class and then rescue my dear friend from ISU.

This is great. Just great.

So my speech was due on Tuesday. I had all spring break to do it, and do you think I did? NO. Do you think that maybe I had some sense and started it on Monday?? NO! Tuesday comes and I have no speech, but the teacher must like me because she gave me until the next class to have it ready. That means Thursday. Ok, I didn't start it on Tuesday (but I tried), so once again I find myself sitting at the computer stressing myself out because this thing is due the next day. (Definate DejaVu of my last speech) I didn't actually start the speech until 1 or 2 in the morning. I was trying my hardest to work on it, but falling asleep at the computer wastes mucho tiempo.

So many thoughts were running through my head, it was really like I had the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.
"Maybe I shouldn't even do the speech, its only 100 points"
"If I don't do it, can I still pass the class?"
"It's not worth it, I'm too tired."
"Why isn't my cappuchino kicking in??" (which it did around 3 or 4)
"I'm just gonna go to sleep, forget this, I can't even function."
"If I don't do this speech, I might be able to pass the class, but do I really wanna get a lower grade than necessary?"
"What if I have to take this class over??? Time, money, wasted....Then I probably won't be able to get int Georgia State, I'll never amount to anything!! Do I wanna let a speech stand in my way?"
"Would a speech stand in my way?"

Anyway, got a little over half the speech done by 6. Slept until 6:30, showered, ran for the bus. (excercise on top of exaustion, yes!) I figured i could write the rest of my speech on the bus, get to school and add it to my outline, and find a visual aid by the time class starts. Yeeeeea, so I couldn't find a pen. That's okay,i wrote it in bright sunny yellow highlighter, nice and shaky bus writing style. joy. I finally made it to class (20 min late) and i started to panic on the length. Would it be long enough??? I haven't even practiced this speech.

Did the speech. Made time. Class loved it. Knocked'em dead.

BTW, the speech was on boycotting Wal-Mart (Therese would be so proud!)

What Nerve
rbrtscisspsgal: Find a boyfriend yet?
Chiliz345: I'm not looking thank u
rbrtscisspsgal:: Why not?
Chiliz345: Should I be?
rbrtscisspsgal: you need someone
rbrtscisspsgal: yeah
Chiliz345: tell me y
rbrtscisspsgal: you need someone to make you happy
rbrtscisspsgal: like i'm happy
Chiliz345: i dont need a person, especially not a guy to make me happy

This girl is out of her Mormon mind. Telling ME, Elizabeth, that I need a man?? No, let me tell u somethin ok? I don't need a man, woman, boy or girl to make me feel happy. I don't need anybody. The only one I need is Jesus ok?? What I need a man for?? To cause me problems? To have me worrying about why he didn't call me? (insert sista neck where appropriate) To have me stressin over how much time I don't have to spend with him? To worry about how much comittement and devotion he wants from me?? Nah, no, I don't think so. ELR don't NEED no Man.

*ahem*

That's not to say ELR don't want one. Just to clarify ;)

Today was my first day back into the swing of things. I went to class today and got tests back that I took before spring break. 1st there was math. She handed me the test and my eyes are searching for those lovely red numbers telling me how well I did. 85%???? No, this must not be my paper. But of course it is. I was dissapointed to say the least because I thought I knew what was going on. The thing I hate about math is that there are so many opportunites to make stupid mistakes which is exactly what I did to lower my test grade to a B.

Oh, but Bio really topped it off. I already knew I didn't know what was going on in the class, it's actually pretty difficult. She gave us all the midterm stuff back at one time. Midterm paper-20/20 great. Lab midterm 35/40-sufficient. Lecture midterm-(dunnn dunnn duuuuuuun) 61%? With the extra credit??? Not good I tell ya, that class is giving me the most problems.

And speech, yea, I'm supposed to have a speech due tomorrow and I haven't started it quite yet and I don't think it's gonna get done. I'm just not up for another staying up until 3 a.m. writing a speech session. I can deal with loosing a few points for a late speech right?

So now I have to go to work, oh, update on that: I feel like I am almost ready to leave Claire's (for real this time). I'm planning on applying at the MARC center so we'll see what happens with that.

My dog is snoring. It's really weird.

Anybody up for a few more days of break????

So here I am, Spring Breaking, and I guess I can say it's going well. Yes, I'm sick and no, I don't have anywhere fun (or warm) to go to, but its good because I get to stay home and relax. No appointments, no meetings, no kids to deal with, no school. I get to nurse myself back to good health too, so I can't complain.

Blog: A public journal kept by individuals who obviously have no shame. -VH1

Over the past couple of days I've been refreshing myself of the goings on of the music world (a.k.a. watching videos and reading VIBE magazine). It amazes me how people can make so much money making hoorible music. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple of songs that are nice, like Alicia Keys' new one and the new Norah Jones. But I don't think they're making nearly as much as Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson. Its all a sad sad shame.

I haven't done one in a while, so here is a quiz to christen my current template. I just had to know what kind of shoe I was.

Sneakers- funny, laid-back, and goofy, you love to
make people laugh and have a good time. You
enjoy comfort and don't care to much about what
people think of you. You like to hang out with
your buddies and just have a good time.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jello Jigglers!
I am slightly shocked that there are some who don't know of the goodliness of Jello Jigglers, but I guess I'ma have to school ya'll on that.... Jello Jigglers are fun shapes of Jelloey goodness. Instead of mixing the Jello and putting it in a bowl, you would put the mixture in a pan or something flat and let it set. Then you take cookie cutters and cut shapes out of the Jello, and BLADOW-you have Jello Jigglers!

So I've been thinking lately. (I'm always thinking) I've come to a conclusion that Bubble Tape is the perfect gum. Think about it, it comes in its own container so you don't have to worry about sticks of gum being loosely dispersed througout your puse, and you can dispense as much or as little as you want. That's great for me because I don't like as much gum as the average stick has, so I can break off a nice small piece. And it's 6 feet of gum for crying out loud, so you will have more than enough for sharing with friends. How ideal is that?? All Bubble Tape needs to do is merge with Wrigley's and have some minty flavors. Winterfresh Bubble Tape, Doublemint Bubble Tape, Big Red??? Who could resist? (This all makes very much sense)

PEQUANNOCK, N.J. (AP) - A Paterson man faces child endangerment charges after allegedly showing up at a Roman Catholic school clad in a diaper and pink stretch pants.
Police said he showed up at Holy Spirit School at dismissal on Feb. 13 seeking a job application. When his request was denied, he defecated in the diaper and fled on foot, police said.

You know I'm mad at that.

I read a great short story today. It made me realize that I really need to brush up on my espanol. The other day at work I had to talk to a customer in spanish because nobody else there speaks it. At all! As long as I've been there, noone that's been hired has known spanish. I find that to be quite odd. Anyway, the customer was cool, and I was kinda talking to him in spanglish. He wanted to know how much we charge for nose piercings. I told him "Aqui no lo ponemos, pero hay tiendas en Downtown Normal que pueden hacerlo. Pero aqui, we don't." I was so proud.....

Hey, did you know the Dutch word for shop is winkel?

Nap huh?
For some reason today after I ate dinner, I decided to take a nap. I had much homework and other things to get done so I figured half an hour or so would give me enough rest to be able to function. I'll let you know something right now, don't ever take a nap at 7:30 p.m., its just not right. I didn't wake up until 12 something, so that's why I'm here now, past 3 a.m. writing a paper for my beloved biology class. (um, yes, I can write a paper and blog stimotaneously...why not?) Which reminds me, I have a test in that class today. O joy.

I really want to go and see the Passion! I won't have any time to though, until next Sunday, so maybe then.

Ok, now I must go back to my paper. Hopefully I can make it to bed before 3:30.... and for tomorrow, must..invest...in...caffeine *_*

I had a pleasant surprise tonight. I had fallen asleep on the couch while watching the Chappelle Show when I heard the screen to the porch open and the bell ring. Who could this be at 9pm?? Therese!! My beautiful friend, home from college on Spring Break. Ok, I still don't get why her spring break begins in February but, sure. We were on a search for someplace to go and have coffee. Steak n Shake was packed. Baker's Square had a waiting list, what's with that? So we went to The Coffehouse (does that place have a real name?) and chilled. I had an iced mocha; it's starting to kick in. Anyway, I absolutely love the atmosphere of The Coffehouse because it has such a laid-back and intimate feel. It's not all uppity and proper, its one of those places you can go to and just be. Good times, good times.

"I’m not that same stupid freshman you met 6 years ago…"
"I know, that's why I picked up some college applications for you"
"You really think I'm college material? I always wanted to go to one of those Poison Ivy League schools…"

Lately I've been getting frustrated with my poetry. It seems like I can never get the words to come out like I want them to, they can't express how I feel. And, other people tend to get different interpretations of what I intend to say. For example, the line
You are very….
Yummy, like a cherry
Is that sexual? Well, it's not supposed to be sexual in the least bit. When I think of something being yummy, I think of it giving you a good warm feeling, delightful, and if something is yummy, it's definitely made just right for you. Yummy, like a heartfelt hug can be yummy. Do you get where I'm coming from? If not, that’s where my frustration comes from. I can't effectively open up the window to my mind and show others what it is that I really mean or feel. There is always some strange shade or set of blinds in the way.

You want a piece of me???
Yes! you do! Lately it seems everybody wants a piece of me, a portion of my time, opinions of my mind, my last quarter and dime, which is fine. But I can't be spread too thin like the last bit of jelly with so much peanut butter, too much of one, not the other, I need balance like twin sister and brother. I'm working hard like single mother. Like 2 jobs, 4 kids, not enough money, no time for tea and honey, waiting for a day thats sunny.
I only have so much to give, I need some of me to live.
So please, help me smile, let me talk for a while, just be free like a child....

============================================

You are very
Easy like a sunday
And you don't seem
rough like a Monday
I bet you like to chill
Just like a good Friday
Can you maybe see things my way?

Make every day count, make every hour count, make every minute count.
I'm working on my time management skills, and I found this quote today that I just love. Me personally, I seemed to find that there was so much to do in a day, and by the end of the day, not enough of it got done. I also found that I wasted a lot of minutes doing nothing, and those minutes turned into hours. So if we start making every minute count, it will definately add up and you will be able to fit more things in your schedule. *I speak from personal experience.....

With school I'm getting a little frustrated this semester. I came into this semester all ready to go, ready for some success. Last semester was not only hoorible, but unacceptable, so this time I was determined to do much better. The reason for my frustration is that I'm pulling just about all B's. Now, you might say that B's are nothing to complain about, and thats true, but I don't want B's. I want A's. B's are mediocre, B's are 'just okay', B's are settling for less for me because I know I can get A's-they're not beyond my reach. I want greatness, I want excellent, I want......perfection?
Is a little bit of perfectionism OK?

Today I want to check into some study abroad stuff and see my possiblities. I want this so bad it hurts. I'm just praying my scholarship will cover it. If not, I guess I'm gonna have to drag Tura with me to Kappa. We can be a duo! *nod* Besides, whose business is it if I pay for my Costa Rica trip in single bills?

I'll leave you with a little something I saw to lighten your day.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Be a sweetie, wipe the seatie.

Where is a mint when you need one???
This is so bad. My breath, that is. I don't know why, but its straight on 10, I'm about to pass myself out. So, I've been pretty much quiet all day, trying to keep my mouth closed. Tell my why everybody keeps trying to talk to me? I'm lookin all crazy talkin with my mouth half closed and what not, trying not to let the breath escape. I neeeeeeed some gum!

Other than that, I've been seeing fine brothas all over the place today. I like that.

But what I don't like is when one wants to come up to me and hold a conversation and my breath is hottt. Why can't he come up to me on a good day? Or even a day when I have something, anything to help me out?? Why Why Why? So now, next time dude sees me, is he gonna think "There's that funky breath girl"? Something about bad breath makes people not want to give you another chance. They figure you always have it, its not seen as a temporary thing.

So now, I should learn from this experience and carry mints/gum with me ALL THE TIME. Without excuse.

"These onions gon' have my breath kickin' like 5 kangaroos in a pillowcase"
So I was in the cafeteria today and I saw Kabah. I went over to talk to him and a couple of people came over too. This one guy, I think his name was Don was a trip and a half. He was one of those white people who act black. No, he was one of those white people who is black. You had to have been there, he was so hilarious. So I end up sitting at this table with 3 guys, Kabah, Don (?), and Steve. The main topic of discussion was anatomy, and we're not talking biology class here.
"Yea, I wanna talk to shawty ova there. Look Look, OOh, she got a big a**"
"DAAANG!!!!!"
"She thick as *heaven the opposite*" (as martina would say*)
"Yea, but she ain't got no titties tho"

Aw, come on. *shakes head*

"Liz and I are about to go fly away in her THANK YOUR JESUS car. " This sounds like something someone on drugs would say. If I didn't know Son' and what she was talking about, I'd think she was eating shrooms while watching Willy Wonka or something. *sigh*

So, I really wanna talk to somebody right now, but noone is online and noone is here to talk to.

My five
Five things I want out of life:
1) To have a family. I've always wanted to get married and have kids and all that. I would like to have kinda a large family, so at least 4 kids. Pets? I dunno.
2) To travel. I want to travel around the world, go some of everywhere. Travel is great because it expands your horizons and your thinking and really just opens up your mind to new things.
3) To be successful. Now, of course everyone wants to be successful, and I don't know if you ever reach a point where you can say "Now I'm successful", but I want to be able to look back over my life and know that I made something of it.
4) dont know
5) dont know

Ok, 5 is kinda a lot to think of for that one. The one issue is the success thing. I think everyone measures it differently. I'm not so much looking at it from a monetary side, but if I find myself broke and homeless, reguardless of what I may have accomplished, I'm not going to view myself as successful. Another issue is the "When I grow up" thing. I find it surprising that I hear adults talking about what they want to do/be when they grow up; they are already grown. I guess most people look at their future (as a whole) as being something with a starting point, i.e., when one 'grows up'. But really, its not like that at all. The same thing is with success. We tend to view it as a certain point we reach in life, like one day, after work we come home and realize "Hey, I'm successful!" And another thing is, do you ever get to a point where the success stops? Do you just keep getting more and more 'successful' or do u stay at one level?

I guess I've been thinking too much huh?