I got my grades yesterday. Not too bad, but not too great. I got one A, three B's, one C. All of those B's could've been A's if I had put forth just a little more effort. But hey, it was better than last semester. My GPA isn't where I want it to be, but that's a work in progress.

This break I didn't get to spend any time with friendboyJ. Well, that is, except for him coming to church. That's sad, I really kinda miss him.

I have to go to work today at Claire's. I also need to go to the school to drop off some papers and to make an appointment for my interview. They want me to be a peer mentor, how cool is that? They're calling me for an interview and I haven't even put in my application yet, I'm thinking the job is already mine. God is good. So if I keep Claire's (for whatever crazy reason) then I will work there, and the bookstore (which is only sometimes), and Peer Mentoring, and Mary Kay, and I'm also trying to get a job at the MARC center. Sounds like a lot huh? Naaaah

Well, that's all for now, just trying to waste some time hoping Julius comes online. *please get online*
PEACE

It has been a long time...
Yes, its been a while since I've blogged, and sooo much has happened. Its just funny that once I sit down, all of these wonderful "current events" escape my mind. So, everyone is home from college, which kinda means that this blog won't get much of an audience for this summer since everyone doesn't have a computer at home. Which is fine, I'll get to talk to you and spend time with you all anyway. My break from school is almost over though, and that's good in a way. I have been extremely bored this week and a half. Extremely. So school will give me something to look forward to, something to break up the monotony of the day. I think it wouldn't have been so bad if Sonia and Tura hadn't been gone :( but, I'm a survivor. And I want to give much thanks to everyone who has tried to help and fill the void these weeks. *applause*

What is it about Africa?
I must say, The Motherland has been good to me over the past few months.
It all started with Julius. He's from Cameroon. Sonia introduced me to him (yea, that's her man) and we talk online. Now that Sonia is gone, its our duty to keep each other company. Me and Julius think alike, and it seems we have a lot in common. As Sonia would say "No wonder I love Julius so much, he is a male version of you!"
Then after Julius came Jeffrey, who is from Nigeria. I would see him in the hallways at school all the time, and (much to his surprise) I knew he was African just by looking at him. We started talking, and now we're good friends. We talk almost everyday, and its always good to get his view on things.
The newest African is Maximes. He's from Zaire (which is now the democratic republic of Congo or something)My mother knew him from work, and they would exchange some music, she loves African music. One day I came home and he was sittin at the table with my mom, chillin, listening to some musica. He left quickly after I came and my mother wasn't sure why, and I'm still not quite sure why. Anyway, she was telling me that she thinks he likes me. Yesterday he came over again. He asked me to the movies, so we're going the weekend after next. Homeboy has a really nice car too, bumpin sound system. He asked me to go over to family video with him too, and he insisted on renting me some videos. INSISTED! That was nice of him, and something I'm not used to. People don't usually insist on spending money on me. He rented me all 3 of The Matrix movies, and said it was his pleasure. nice guy.

So that's Africa, producing some wonderful people and making my life interesting.

These guys need to quit nowadays. I just saw this video on TV, this guy is at the club kissing up on this girl, who apparently is not his girl. A friend of his girlfriend calls her up and is like "hey, your man is at the club with so and so", and then emailed her some pics she took with her cell phone. (don't you love modern technology?) Of course, friendgirl was mad. Now, this man gonna come and say "I'm a man, I make mistakes." Talkin about "Don't leave me, I'll never find anybody like you, bla bla bla"

1-You're a man, yes. You will make mistakes, yes. But you go to the club without your girl for what reason? That's getting you off on the wrong foot in the first place because you know there will be some fine women there. Then, knowing your woman is at home, what gives you the nerve to be kissin up another woman? Someone you don't even know.

2-"I'll never find anybody like you" If you knew that in the first place your lips shouldn't be on anyone else because you know you already have a good thing. You shouldn't even be at the club without her, because that is your lady, that is your special one, your girl. Why you tryin to do dirt? And you want to not be left? No, what you need is to be kicked to the curb.

*off my soapbox*

As long as there are crackheads, comedians will make fun of them.

SHOUT OUTS TO MY FELLAS
Julius-Its you and me against this loneliness Ju. We gotta fight it together, hold each other up. I missed you today! where were you?
O to tha B-Friendboy, I'm so glad you came to church. So tell me, what's good with this weekend? You gonna have time for a sista?
Vinnie-Love you like a cousin, boy. It was good seeing you, you know that's where you need to be more often. Come back to where you belong. You quit your job, so I don't wanna hear the excuse that you're working.
Tony-I hear you're doing okay but I'd sure like to know for myself. Llamame ok?
Zi-Be patient and let the situation work itself out, because it will. But, be prepared to let go if you have to, sometimes love means letting go.

Love you!

Finals Week
I have finals this week Tuesday through Thursday, and then that's it. I'm feeling the relief coming on already.. ahhhhhhhh.

So the weekend was aight. I worked Friday and Saturday at The Icing, which was definately a change of pace. Claire's is soooo busy, too busy. Kids running all over the place, long line for piercing, 2 lines at the register. Icing--nah. It was so dead! I spent the whole time both days pretty much walking around the store, trying to look busy and watching the videos they had up on the monitors. So boring.

Oh yea,I forgot to tell you about my grandmother. Check this out. I don't know any of the family on my father's side, the only one I had actually heard of was my grandmother, Bonnie. At Chrismas when I was sending out the cards, I came across her address, so something told me to send her a card. No, I've never met the lady,never talked to her, but I figure it might be nice to get to know her right? She wrote me a letter back about a month later, I never responded. Then, about a week ago, she called me! But, I wasn't home. I tried calling her, she wasn't home. Finally, a couple of days ago I got to talk to her, it was so cool! We chatted for a bit, and it was strange to me how she acted like we had always known each other, like we had just talked yesterday. She was telling me about my cousin Vanessa, who apparently looks just like me!(based on my senior picture) That's so amazing to me, because all of my life, I've never looked like anyone in my family. I can't wait to talk to Vanessa, I have her number and am just waiting to call. It's like "wow" I've found a new part of me, a new family. So exciting!!

YES!! THANK YOU GOD!!

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW, I COULD KISS YOU! yes YOU! *muah*

I went to math class today, I was late so I didn't get my test back until after class. What??? I got a B? noooo. I was looking at the test, turns out I was doing the problems the right way, but with the wrong information, so she gave me some of the points back and I got an A on the test Yeeea Boyeee!

THEN, I went to the dreaded biology class. Now, the final in Bio is optional. It can replace your lowest test score, but if your grade is at a solid level, there is no use in taking it. The instructor was calling us up one by one, to give us our last test and show us our grade so we would know whether or not we had to take the final. I was bracing myself. First she gave me back my test. I looked at her and said "It wasn't pretty was it?" she said "Not one of the best..." I got a 67% on the test. Almost a C. She went to my grade and said
"But your grade is a 71% C, so you don't have to take the final."
"*GASP* WHAT? YES!! oh my God, I wanted a C so bad. Wooh, thank you Lord!"

Yes, ok she looked at me like I was crazy but did I care?? NO! Was I upset that I barely got a C? NO! Today was one of the few times in my life where I had tears of joy. I'm telling you, if I hadn't got a C in that class, there was no way I could've done well enough on the final to raise my grade to a C, so I would've failed the class, which would've brought my GPA down (cuz I don't think I would've taken it over), which could put my scholarship in jeapordy (slippery slope ya'll). So I give God all the praise and the honor cuz he is SO SO SO SO SO GOOD to me!!

I'm trying to analyze and figure out what just happned to me. I was just in an OK mood, content, not really happy, not really sad. Took my math test, felt pretty good afer that because I knew what was going on and I think I got an A on it. Which should offset the F on the last test :) Then, I saw my friend who's in my anatomy and physiology class, and went to kinda study with her before the test. I had been stressing about this test, but then thought, eh, it'll be ok. No, I was wrong. I have finally made the observation that all semester, I have had no idea of what is really going on in that class. Each and every test I've found myself kind of guessing what is right and what isn't. Yea, its understandable and fairly normal to have to guess some answers, but not guessing the majority of the tests. All semester long. I had a C at midterm, and I know there is no way I have a C now, especially considering I havent gotten over a C in any exam since midterms. I thought since I'm pretty good in Lab that maybe my Lab grade would help my overall grade. Got the Lab final back, failed that. So yea, all that brought my mood down.

Then, on top of that I went to talk to friendboy and he was telling me how he can't use the phone anyomore because he ran his mother's phone bill up to like $500. Yeah, that's never good so she went OFF and told him not to touch the phone. No, I don't blame her, but it sucks for me, and him too I guess. That didn't really make me too upset, but I think it might have been the catalyst of sorts for the mood I'm in now. The drop that made the glass overflow.

Hopefully it won't last. . .Summer is almost here and that should provide some relief. DANG IT! Come to think of it, friendboy isn't even gonna be able to use the phone to call me over break. Then I have stupid summer classes so I only get 2 weeks of a break anyway. A lonely break, cuz my best friend is gonna be gone. This summer is going to suck because everybody's going on some kind of vacation, what am I doing? Getting an education. Perhaps I just need to be alone.

I've been wanting to blog lately, but I haven't and I think the major reason why is because my thoughts have been consumed. My mind and heart have been being overtaken by thoughts of the boy, so I guess it doesn't make much for interesting reading, although the thoughts, to me, are very interesting indeed.

So I try to think of other things to talk about. My life is pretty much the same old, same old. School is starting to kick my butt. Seems like I had it in a headlock at the beginning of the semester, but after midterms I started getting weaker and now it's wrestling me to the ground. I'm not putting up nearly enough of a fight.

I lost my class ring and I really want it back. I like rings. I like my class ring. I'm talking about nothing.

I spent some time with Tura the other day, helping her with her portfolio. It was good times. I hardly ever get to see the girl.

Therese-I miss you girl! I dunno when ur finals are over, or when ur coming back, but I hope to be seeing you in a few weeks.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to stay awake in class.

Peace, okay.
I don't play
See my pinky,
See my thumb,
See my fist,
You betta run!

That was one of the classics from waaay back in the day, like second grade. When we all thought we were the stuff.

So, I had a speech due today. What is it with me and my speeches? I tried to write it last night, but I always do this, I end up spending more energy trying to stay awake than actually doing what I need to do. My mother comes in the living room around 3:00 and tells me to get in the bed. So, I ended up writing my speech this morning, on the bus! No joke. The ride is about half an hour, you know I was writing like mad. But, all thanks and glory to God, because He really showed up and showed out this time.

I wrote the speech on India. Arie, it was a presentation speech. We had to make an award for the person, I grabbed the inlay of her CD and a rose before I left. Wrote the speech, made up some good stuff to say, all off the top of my head. I even put some song lyrics of hers in there, which, yes, I sang. I gave the class a lil sum' sum' of "Video" and of "Talk to Her". I got a 96% on that speech, you know that was nothing but God.

Right now tengo mucho hambre.

"A severe thymic atrophy with cortical thymocyte depletion is a consistent finding in necropsies of malnourished subjets."--Come on!!

I feel like giving up sometimes. On everything.

I just can't give up now
Come to far from where I started from
Nobody told me
The road would be easy
I don't believe he brought me this far
To leave me

Tidbits

My back hurts really bad. A friend was talking to me and he said something along the lines of "put some hot towels on your body and give you a massage." Hmmm, yes, very tempting offer indeed. But, I think that's a check I won't cash in, just to be on the safe side. *nod*

So, anyway, I have the house to myself ALL weekend "party at my place!!" yeah right. I was hoping to invite friendboyJ over, maybe watch a movie or something, but for some strange reason my mother said specifically "Don't be havin *friendboyJ* over here while I'm gone." Hmph.

I'm officially quitting Claire's. For real this time. Yea, I've been trying to leave there since about 2001, months after I started, but this time is for real.

Next weekend I plan on going up to see KaReisha! yay! We will have fun, I can' t wait to meet Jordanny *wink wink*.

Finals are coming up soon. I really need to study for my A&P (anatomy and physiology) one, and my math one. Grrr.

I guess that's all for now. I love you all. I hope we all have great weekends, try not to stress out, and have a bit of fun for me ok?

She busted out with the 143. What a trip.

So I did my speech the other day, and it should come as no surprise to me that I did a wonderful job. (I'm not trying to be cocky, sorry if I'm coming off that way) I got an A on the speech, I only missed 2 points, but GAH she had to take off 10 more because it was late. That's okay though, I'm so grateful she bent the rules for me. I'll take the 10 point dock. So, 5:00 a.m. I'm thinking "who the heck can I do this speech on?" I was gonna do it on somebody famous and great, but I couldn't find enough information quickly enough to make myself a whole, complete picture of the greatness of the person, so I figured the 2 people I knew a lot about were Jesus and me. I couldn't possibly do a speech on myself, so "Jesus, here we go." Then I realized, what I know about Jesus is really just a variety of assorted facts, like a box of chocolates instead of a chocolate bar. That wouldn't do. But I couldn't possibly give a speech on myself and tell the whole class how "great I am". Or could I?

So here's what I did. The speech was all about me, no doubt, but I made it like it was about my sister, 'Elisa'. No, I have no sister Elisa, but nobody knew that except for me. It was great. I had to really contain myself from cracking up when giving the speech. I'm so bad. I'm so good.

Today should be a nice relaxing day. I have the major stress off of me from the speech and all the piling up assignments. I am ready to chill, really I'm ready to have some fun. Too bad friendboyJ has sooo much on his plate, or else we would hang out. Stupid plate. Anyway, times have been great with friendboyJ lately, he's great. I hope you get to meet him.

Finals are coming up. I should be a good student and start preparing for them now. I think I just might do that. I cannot WAIT till I'm out of school, yea, I only get a 2 week break because I'm taking summer classes, but hey-that's 2 weeks of fun. TOO BAD SONIA WILL BE GONE.

what am i doing?

this is so bad. my speech class is at 8:00. it is now 5:25. I have no speech. why don't i have a speech? Because I am so dumb!! I could beat myself and burst into tears at the same time. all because im a procrastinator. i couldve had this speech done. Its's already late!! now i find myself here, not having slept because i've been on the computer since 9p.m. i find myself here, frustrated. i find myself ready to give up. i find myself calculating my grade if i miss a whole speech. my eyes are closing. i have only half an hour to write this speech, i 'get up' at 6:00. except i wont be getting up, im already up. my head hurts and things are starting to look fuzzy. i wish i could cheat. no thats not right. the syllabus says speeches can't be made up, but God has given me favor with this teacher before (yes, ive been in this situation before, why didnt i learn then) i dont want her to feel like im taking advantage of her. MY ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE ON!!!! i wil probably end up with a C if i dont do this speech. not fun for the gpa. i could cuss myself out. cant we have a slight natural disaster? i just looked out the window to see if maybe there was a tornado ripping toward my house, but no. birds are singing and the sun is coming up. Lord help me.

See, I do have a life

Today was a fun day. I cleaned up (yes, i needed that badly), and then Sonia, Crystal, and me went to the park and enjoyed nature. Basically, that means that we went to the park and laid down on my blanket and chilled. Now, friendboyJ says this is boring, and that there is enough green in his yard for him to enjoy nature, so why go to the park to do that? I say why not? Why not bask in the glory of the fresh air and sunshine on this opportune day to converse?

So, the park was a nice time. After that we went out to eat. The waitress brought crackers to go along with our soup, and this brought back to mind a challenge Tura, Mike, Sonia, some girl, and I were talking about. something along the lines of eating 5 saltine crackers in 30 seconds. Of course, I thought this was definately possible, without doubt. So, between Amelia, Crystal, Sonia and I, the most crackers eaten in 30 seconds was 2. I still think I can do it, mind over matter. Anyhow, our waitress was mad cool. She didn't laugh at our big pile of plastic cracker paper we had made, and she knew to bring enough lemon so we could hook up our own free lemonade. If you don't know about the free lemonde, let me school you on that another time. *wink* Then with the leftover lemonade we played drinking games, the one with the salt and the lemon, you know. Except we played it with water, not alcohol, cuz we cool like that. *sniff* yeah *nod*.

So then we went to evil Wal-Mart (where of course I didn't buy anything, and neither should you!!). We found ourselves in the game aisle, and we decided to have some fun. Being one of the few people my age who has never been kicked out of Wal-Mart, I thought tonight was gonna be the night. We played basketball and a brief game of monkey in the middle, but our fun kept being interrupted by a kid riding down the aisle on a bike. Now that was strange. We hula-hooped, and we even galloped on stick horses! That was the best part, 2 college students, having the best time in fake cowboy hats and plush stick horses (mine was actually a lion), trotting up and down the stuffed animal aisle in Wal-Mart.

Us, boring???.....NOooo

Classic moments
Chiliz345 [1:04 AM]: . . . but more like friends with benefits, if u catch my drift
Chiliz345 [1:05 AM]: without being in a relationship per say
Gallies14 [1:05 AM]: so u want him to be a clean version of a booty call
Chiliz345 [1:05 AM]: lmbo
Chiliz345 [1:05 AM]: LMBO!!!
Chiliz345 [1:06 AM]: oh, oh, oh, let me compose myself
Gallies14 [1:06 AM]: lol


Gallies14 [1:11 AM]: I smell good and stink at the same time
Gallies14 [1:11 AM]: how does that work
Gallies14 [1:11 AM]: I can still spell the soap on me
Gallies14 [1:11 AM]: but I think i also stink
Chiliz345 [1:11 AM]: well.

I was in Subway, looking at the menu for something good to eat, besides from the turkey or tuna that I usually get. I thought the chicken sandwich might be nice, so I asked the lady what sauce tastes good with the chicken. She responded:
"I don't know, I don't eat chicken."
-With chicken being one of the meats that I actually do eat, I could not fathom why she didn't, so I asked her:
"You don't eat chicken? Why not?"
"I don't eat things that fly. I don't eat things that swim either."
I did't bother to ask her why not, she already wasn't making any sense. When she said she doesn't eat things that fly, I was thinking that chickens didn't fly, but I wasn't 100% sure, so I left it alone. Sonia and I were discussing this.
Me: She doesn't eat things that fly? What sense does that make?
Son': Chickens don't even fly!!
Me: Thats what I thought!
She needs to come up with some better reasoning for not eating chicken, that one doesn't fly. (lame joke, i know)

Then, this one made me tooooo mad. I was on the bus, and there's this lady who is blind, but she has some of her sight. It's always her and her guide dog, Gypsy. Well, this lady loooves to show off her legs, somebody must have told her that she just has the greatest legs or something, because she is always wearing some short shorts or skirts. Well, this day she had on a denim mini-skirt. Super short. Unreasonably short, especially for the weather, the high was only 50 something, and it was only 30 something that morning. Anyway, I go to my seat, she was already on the bus. Something in my peripheral vision catches my eye because of its brightness. I turn to look --O MY GAWD!--It's her underwear!! "Whaaat in the heezee" is all that's going through my mind. If you're gonna wear a miniskirt that barely covers your bum, you must not cross your legs so that the world can see your bright turquoise panties. No boo-boo, that ain't cute.

Julius: i think it is all about assumptions
chiliz345: yes! so true
Julius: and lady,that is the mother of all f***'d ups

I should've told you you smelled good
I should've never let you go
I should've just kissed you
Too afraid to let feelings show

I should've told you I liked you
But I figured you'd know
I should've reached out and held you
I should've never let you go

Sitting in a puddle of regrets
Wallowing in my own mess
Entertaining all my doubts
Knowing I'm the one who lost out

So this is how it goes:

I'm really liking friendboyJ, I mean, I'm feeling this dude big time. But at the same time, I'm feeling so many inhibitions and doubts about this, but I do tend to overthink things. The doubts are nothing big, just little things that I find, and then I dwell on them. But, friendboy is MAD cool, I'm loving his ways, his walk, his taste, his talk. The more I see him and get to know him, the better, and the more I'm into him.

But I don't want to loose my head over him. I just want to like him, not fall madly in love, because he's leaving at the end of the summer. Do I develop a relationship? If yes, it could be just a fun thing, just a summer romance, and then let him go when the time comes. But, what if I get too attached? If no relationship, then I could be missing out on something good for both of us. How long could the "just friends" thing work?

You would love him, you really would. He is just absolutely great. And for me being a person with so many "standards" its great to actually find someone who meets them, so you know he has to be a catch. Everybody says "go for it", I think my heart is even saying "go for it", but my head is the one with the 'buts' and 'what if's'.

I want this. I know I want this. *sigh*

I did it in 37 seconds.
I deserved a C+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

I don't know what it is
I've been making some slips lately. I pray that they are not Freudian slips, cuz if so I have some issues to work out.

chiliz345: i didnt realize he left, he just said brb
Sonia: he didnt' say anythign to me
chiliz345: o, he was getting off
chiliz345: offline that is
chiliz345: that sounded wrong
Sonia: lol
Sonia: yes

And I was talking to one of my friendboys (lets call him friendboyA) and he asked if I had read a poem he wrote. I typed:
Me: no, i'll go to it in a sex
Me: sec!
Me: omg
Him: you just thinkin about me with my SHIRT OFF!

Now, both of these convos were about friendboyA, what's really going on with me? I think he is attractive, yes, but I'm not trying to get with the boy, I got my own stew brewin'.

Speakin of that stew, mad props to Tura for giving me a good tip on an investment in my future. Something that will thicken my stew MUAHAHAHA!!

I'm trying to write a poem, I really want this to work

skin dark and beautiful, like the night sky
voice deep and strong, like the rolling thunder's song

Mad Props. . .
Mad props to the guy who tried to holla at me today. Now, normally I don't respond well to the "ay shawty, lemme holla atcha" type of thing. Actually, I never respond well to it. I always blow the brotha off, give him a crazy look or something, because he doesn't know me, never seen me before or anything, what makes him think that he wants to get with me, or that I want to get with him? Today was a little different though. I was rushing out to the bus and this guy held the door open for me, he was coming in, I was going out. Me, being the polite person I am, smiled warmly and said "Thank you." and he said:
"No problem, how you doin"
"I'm fine."
"Hey, what's your name?"
"Elizabeth"
"oooooooh, Elizabeth (he said it like my name was just so fine, and he was so attracted to it.)
I was walking away, because of course, I didn't want to miss the bus.
"Wait, come here"
"Noooo, I gotta catch this bus, bye!"
It amused me. Now, why do I give him props? Because this guy was trying to holla at me, and I looked like a hot mess. I had on my ever so loved Edinburgh sweatshirt that I've worn on almost every cool day since I got back from Scotland, and jeans, gym shoes. I wasn't looking cute at all, not even a little bit. I don't think I had even taken a shower actually. So, mad props, mad props to the brotha.

Hey, I'm 18 years old okay?

The church traveled yesterday, we went to Springfield. It was nice, the choir sang, the praise dancers danced, the preacher preached etc. The service was ending and the pastor of the church said "I want all the young people, age 18 and under, to come gather around the altar so we can pray over you." Me and Sonia, both being pretty much freshly out of that age bracket, are sitting in our seats like "Hah, 18 and under. . . younguns." The pastor repeats it a couple more times, then all the young people were finally up there, the rest of the congregation sitting down. Then he points directly to Sonia and me, and says, "You two, how old are you?"
Sonia: 19
Me: 18
Him: How old??
Me: 18, 19 [respectively]
Him: Naw, Naw, Naw, ya'll look like you're about 12 years old, come on up here.

Straight Bogishness, how he gon' play us like that? My mother was crackin up, but you know, I didn't see the funny part. No, I didn't. Twelve? My sister is 12. So here we are, me and Sonia, two just-about-grown-folks, standin up here with all these kiddies. Not right I tell ya, not right.

Then after the service, we were all fellowshipping and what not, and thats all I could keep my mind on. People were even coming up to us talking about "It's ok, you'll appreciate that when you're older." This may very well be the case, but you know what? I'm not older! Telling me I look 12 years old is not exactly a compliment. But, it was all good.

I think it's due time for some shout outs.

Tura-Girl, I'm missing you! It's crazy that we never get to hang out, or really even see each other for that matter. How is school going? Do yo thang, keep workin it like you do and u are sure to catch that boy....lol. And what's this Sonia tells me about keys left in your car?

KaReisha- KR, my girl, I'm glad we're staying in touch. I still think it's crazy how we have soooo much in common, I bet you we're related somehow. Maybe I should start calling you Cuz. And I'm so proud of my girl for doin the whole Bradley Idol thing, I wish I coulda been there to see you.

Martina- You know what? You never make me stop thinking, I swear I am always wondering about you. (this is not a bad thing) I hope you get to come up for Break, it would be fun times, but don't blame me when you start getting bored, I warned you! And I don't wanna hear about you not turning in math assignments and not calling anybody for help. (yea, I busted you out in front of everybody, now what??)

Therese--I love that I know you. I loved your comment, that was a good idea about the plates, I think I might just try that. I hope you feel better, and stay in good spirits through all that's going on. You are great.

Sonia- mmm hmm, now let me see if I can get this one straight. Homewrecking, footsie, man stealing flirt. But you can't help it. *tear* I just wish I would've known sooner, then I might still have hope. But no, no, no, it's okay I still love you because that's what friends do. (even though it hurtsssss....) It's not right, but it's okay, I'm gonna make it anyway.

Zi-Happy Birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Ziad, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOUUUU!! You have made it a long way. Be good, you have your whole life ahead of you. (see, I saved the best for last)

So I came up with one line of a poem, but I don't have anymore to go with it. I like the line, but what could it be about?

Just as quick as a sip from a water fountain

Trabajadora, Estudiosa, Diligente...

Lately I've been thinking about school and my education. Thinking about how I want to be this hardworking, studious person, pulling A's in all my classes, gaining a wealth of knowledge. Thinking about how I'm not doing any of that.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
So anyway, I'm thinking I need some help. I don't know why I keep piling so much on my plate that I can't handle. Someone told me once it's because that's what I like to do. I thought she was crazy, but her explanation made sense. When I'm bored and have nothing to do, I hate it. It's like I have no purpose, nothing to live for. But when I'm busy busy busy, life is exciting, always something to do (whether I want to do it or not). I've also found that the more I have to do, the more I actually get done (percentage-wise). When I don't have anything to do, and something comes up it has a lesser chance of getting done. (did that make sense?) I have 2 big tasks coming up. 1 is writing the Easter play for church. OK, Easter is like 2 weeks away, and we're just finding out we don't have a play. The same one that we've been doing for like five years is missing, which is fine because it's getting kinda played out. So genius me comes up with a concept for a new play, something contemporary mixed with traditional, sure to be a House of Prayer hit. But that's it, all I want to provide is the concept, I don't want to write the play. I'm an actress, not a playwright! My passion is the stage. Too bad for me, because the task is now in my hands.

The second thing is a praise dance. I'm the captain of the praise dance team and we need a new dance. Not only do we need a dance for Sunday (since we dance every first Sunday), but we need a new dance for Easter. That means I have to pick out a song and come up with some moves, while I'm working on this play (which needs to be done this week), and manage to keep up with my studies that I am slowly being buried under.

Added stress: I have a math test tomorrow. This is bad because I have been really slacking in that class, no joke. This new chapter we're working on, I don't even know what it's about! I am so lost, and since I'm lost I haven't bothered to pay attention in class. I've been telling myself I'm gonna study for it outside of class, I'm gonna learn it on my own. Yeah, that's been for like 2 weeks and now the test is right in my face, what am I going to do??

Why do I do this to myself?

Ok, I changed my mind, I'm not going to write about Jeffery yet. Maybe later, maybe not. I'm in a melancholy mood right now. I had school and work today and was looking forward to having the house to myself this weekend, even though I would be busy. The first damper on that is that the car wouldn't start on Mama's way home from work, so it's currently in State Farm's parking lot. Which means I have to find a time to go and get it before Sunday, which means tomorrow, and I'm expecting to be busy all day tomorrow. I'm supposed to go over Emily's house and spend the night, but I'm tired now and don't really feel like it. But at the same time, I don't want to let her down because she was looking forward to it so much, and I'm always cancelling on my friends it seems like. Something always 'comes up'. I'm always busy or tired.

Dear Elizabeth,
How is life? I hope all is going well for you and that you are staying blessed. What's this about you feeling down? Why? What's the matter love? You say you're having a lot going on in your life right now, small amounts of time to manage and lots of things to fit in. I understand, life is just one of those things that never takes a break, even though we want to. Just keep going with it, your rest will come when you need it most. School isn't going as well as you would like? Girl, you're getting one C, all the rest are A's and B's-what's wrong with you? You haven't made grades this good in a while, you should be proud of yourself. You made it out of high school and now you're in college and succeding! It seems like only yesterday you were in Whistler Elementary school, back on the south side of Chicago, one of the smartest kids in your grade. That intelligence has always been in you Elizabeth, even when you didn't realize it. School came easy to you then, but college is different. If you make B's by doing what you're doing now, step it up a bit and those A's that you want will become your reality. And what is upsetting you about your poetry? What makes you feel like it's not as good as others'? Let me tell you something, poetry is art, and that's something you can't judge and critique on a universal scale. Your poetry is not the same as anybody else's. You don't write Zi's poetry, you don't write Ju's poetry, you don't write KB's poetry, you write Elizabeth's poetry. What can you compare it to? Poetry is unique to the individual, and only you can understand the special meanings behind each of your poems, keep that in mind. Don't compare your work to anyone else's, you are not them. Just keep doing what you do, remember, your poetry is for you (hey, that rhymed). Anyhow, I know that you know that you need to stop this holding back stuff. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're holding back your praise and worship for God, you're holding back on your studies, you're even holding back on having fun. What's this all about? Do you know why you're holding back? because you are afraid to fall. Afraid to get hurt. Most of all, afraid to fail. But I think that you will find that the joy, excitement, and fulfillment you get from giving life your all will be worth the few 'bruises' (physical or not) that you may get. Try it for a while, you won't want to go back. Keep your head up. Reach for the stars love, "who are you not to achieve?" You are still at the beginning of your Journey, and you have a long way to go so don't give up yet. You are loved and needed, don't forget that.
Much love,
eliz

My 5-Five people who have made my week interesting
Yes, this has been an interesting week indeed, full of poetry and new friends. (old ones too)

1) Julius. I met him this week, Monday I think, and he is absolutely great. He is from Africa, Cameroon if I'm not mistaken. He writes poetry, draws, and is a very intelligent individual (and handsome too *nods*). Sonia would always talk about him, and I've been wanting to talk to him for a while, but he was on vacation for what seems like the longest time. So now that he is back, conversing with him is a highlight of my day. He is so good with words, and from what I know about him, I'm not exactly sure what is making the girls in Cameroon not swoon over him.

2)Sonia. For some reason, everytime I have a list about people, she always makes it. I guess that's because she is a big part of my life. (awwww, sentimental moment) We had a little taste of some troubles this week, but luckily our quarrels never last long. A little more than 12 hours to be approximate, and that's only because it started at night, and you know, there's the whole sleep thing. I'm glad our friendship is strong enough to resolve petty differences without hair pulling, etc. (Which is why our friendship is better than Roc and Karen's lol) *oh, sidenote, was anyone else schocked and slightly surprised that Sonia wrote a poem? I sure was, she' s the last person I expected to write, I didn't think it was 'her thing'.

3) Ziad-Met him thorough Sonia too. He's from Guyana just like her. He writes poetry as well, but they are raps. The boy has skillz, no joke. I think he needs to get in a studio ASAP and let them rhymes flow. He's an interesting charachter and although we don't talk too much our conversations always seem fulfilling to me. Like, one day we talked about why people doubt themselves, because he seems to doubt his talent, like so many people do. He's a bit of a bad-boy, but he seems to have a good heart. Sometimes we get caught up in the wrong things.

4) Kabah. Yes, Yes, he writes poetry too, what's new about that one? I didn't meet him recently, it's been about a little more than a month that I've known him. He's really one of those cool cats, always chilled out, going with the flow, rollin with the punches type of thing. He made my week interesting by raping my poetry. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, raping my poetry. I was showing my poems to Amelia, and when it got to a certain one, I noticed it looked a bit different. SKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT- Let's come to a halt and stop the press. No this boy did not change the font of my poem. NO he did not. - Yes, he did. My reaction to this was one of schock, I was taken aback. What, was my font not good enough? I mean, what's wrong with my font where it has to be minipulated? No, it wasn't that big of a deal, really, but it made me wonder. He claims the font was illegible and that it gave him a headache.

5) Jeffery-to be continued......(suspense, I know)

THE GAME

why we keep playing this game?
each and every day it's the same old same
runnin round in circles, im so dizzy
i want to know if this is chemistry

see, i be thinkin about you all the time
i find you often on my mind, and,
i wonder do you think of me too?
from the grey days to when the skies are blue, now,
what do you think i should do?

now, as sure as the sun is our brightest star
im wanting to get to know who you are
but this game got me bound
endless circles, round and round

The game goes like this:
I see you across the way
and instead of saying "hey", i play
and make like i'm going along with my day

and the words you want to say you keep
as if your words to me are asleep
and u just play and act so casually

now, you know i see you seeing me
and i know you see me seeing you
but the game makes us both play it cool
neither wants to show who's feeling who
and so the game continues...

knowin the game could have us missin out
on findin out what this is all about
same old game, everyday
just how long we gonna play

My Five-5 things I want right now

1) Food. Yo tengo mucho hambre and I really wanna eat. The cold has taken away my appetite, but my stomach isn't too happy about that. Some chili would be nice.
2) A friend. I'm lonely right now, noone is online, and noone is here at school for me to talk to. So that leaves me to either A) blog, or B) do some homework. As you can see I haven't chosen the latter.
3) Money. How much money??? I think $1,000 would do me good for now. I need some shoes, clothes, etc. And the rest I would save for my summer plans.
4) Excitement. It's been a long time since I've done anything that was just so fun and exciting. Life has been pretty much cut and dry, nothing special day to day. Wake up late, rush for the bus, go to class, etc. I need a break from that. I need some new, exciting people in my life too. (Don't worry old friends, you won't be replaced) I need escape from monotony.
5) Medicina. Some relief from my cold would make me quite happy.

I had a nice time over the weekend. Son', KaReisha, Emily and I got together and watched a movie at mi casa. It was good seeing KR again, I felt bad because it was her Spring Break and I only got to chill with her once. KR, this summer, its on!

We watched The Fighting Temptations, it was a good movie but I'm glad I didn't to to the theater to see it. I also got Bend it like Beckham, I guess it's supposed to be a good movie, so I plan on watching that tonight.

"I need you to teach me the ancient art of butt-whooop."

I'm not feeling well. I'm sick (the second time in 3 weeks), tired, and I need a car. And some money. I realized I'm a little saddened by the fact that I am always broke. Lately I've been more broke than usual, and I have to say, it doesn't fit my style, it doesn't go with my flow. But yet, week after week, I go back to Claire's. Week after week, I put up with the madness to make a little pocket change. This has got to stop.

I'm talking to Julius online now, and I absolutely love this guy! He is great! I love the way he thinks and talks.

Tis all for now, I must go to class and then rescue my dear friend from ISU.

This is great. Just great.

So my speech was due on Tuesday. I had all spring break to do it, and do you think I did? NO. Do you think that maybe I had some sense and started it on Monday?? NO! Tuesday comes and I have no speech, but the teacher must like me because she gave me until the next class to have it ready. That means Thursday. Ok, I didn't start it on Tuesday (but I tried), so once again I find myself sitting at the computer stressing myself out because this thing is due the next day. (Definate DejaVu of my last speech) I didn't actually start the speech until 1 or 2 in the morning. I was trying my hardest to work on it, but falling asleep at the computer wastes mucho tiempo.

So many thoughts were running through my head, it was really like I had the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.
"Maybe I shouldn't even do the speech, its only 100 points"
"If I don't do it, can I still pass the class?"
"It's not worth it, I'm too tired."
"Why isn't my cappuchino kicking in??" (which it did around 3 or 4)
"I'm just gonna go to sleep, forget this, I can't even function."
"If I don't do this speech, I might be able to pass the class, but do I really wanna get a lower grade than necessary?"
"What if I have to take this class over??? Time, money, wasted....Then I probably won't be able to get int Georgia State, I'll never amount to anything!! Do I wanna let a speech stand in my way?"
"Would a speech stand in my way?"

Anyway, got a little over half the speech done by 6. Slept until 6:30, showered, ran for the bus. (excercise on top of exaustion, yes!) I figured i could write the rest of my speech on the bus, get to school and add it to my outline, and find a visual aid by the time class starts. Yeeeeea, so I couldn't find a pen. That's okay,i wrote it in bright sunny yellow highlighter, nice and shaky bus writing style. joy. I finally made it to class (20 min late) and i started to panic on the length. Would it be long enough??? I haven't even practiced this speech.

Did the speech. Made time. Class loved it. Knocked'em dead.

BTW, the speech was on boycotting Wal-Mart (Therese would be so proud!)

What Nerve
rbrtscisspsgal: Find a boyfriend yet?
Chiliz345: I'm not looking thank u
rbrtscisspsgal:: Why not?
Chiliz345: Should I be?
rbrtscisspsgal: you need someone
rbrtscisspsgal: yeah
Chiliz345: tell me y
rbrtscisspsgal: you need someone to make you happy
rbrtscisspsgal: like i'm happy
Chiliz345: i dont need a person, especially not a guy to make me happy

This girl is out of her Mormon mind. Telling ME, Elizabeth, that I need a man?? No, let me tell u somethin ok? I don't need a man, woman, boy or girl to make me feel happy. I don't need anybody. The only one I need is Jesus ok?? What I need a man for?? To cause me problems? To have me worrying about why he didn't call me? (insert sista neck where appropriate) To have me stressin over how much time I don't have to spend with him? To worry about how much comittement and devotion he wants from me?? Nah, no, I don't think so. ELR don't NEED no Man.

*ahem*

That's not to say ELR don't want one. Just to clarify ;)

Today was my first day back into the swing of things. I went to class today and got tests back that I took before spring break. 1st there was math. She handed me the test and my eyes are searching for those lovely red numbers telling me how well I did. 85%???? No, this must not be my paper. But of course it is. I was dissapointed to say the least because I thought I knew what was going on. The thing I hate about math is that there are so many opportunites to make stupid mistakes which is exactly what I did to lower my test grade to a B.

Oh, but Bio really topped it off. I already knew I didn't know what was going on in the class, it's actually pretty difficult. She gave us all the midterm stuff back at one time. Midterm paper-20/20 great. Lab midterm 35/40-sufficient. Lecture midterm-(dunnn dunnn duuuuuuun) 61%? With the extra credit??? Not good I tell ya, that class is giving me the most problems.

And speech, yea, I'm supposed to have a speech due tomorrow and I haven't started it quite yet and I don't think it's gonna get done. I'm just not up for another staying up until 3 a.m. writing a speech session. I can deal with loosing a few points for a late speech right?

So now I have to go to work, oh, update on that: I feel like I am almost ready to leave Claire's (for real this time). I'm planning on applying at the MARC center so we'll see what happens with that.

My dog is snoring. It's really weird.

Anybody up for a few more days of break????

So here I am, Spring Breaking, and I guess I can say it's going well. Yes, I'm sick and no, I don't have anywhere fun (or warm) to go to, but its good because I get to stay home and relax. No appointments, no meetings, no kids to deal with, no school. I get to nurse myself back to good health too, so I can't complain.

Blog: A public journal kept by individuals who obviously have no shame. -VH1

Over the past couple of days I've been refreshing myself of the goings on of the music world (a.k.a. watching videos and reading VIBE magazine). It amazes me how people can make so much money making hoorible music. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple of songs that are nice, like Alicia Keys' new one and the new Norah Jones. But I don't think they're making nearly as much as Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson. Its all a sad sad shame.

I haven't done one in a while, so here is a quiz to christen my current template. I just had to know what kind of shoe I was.

Sneakers- funny, laid-back, and goofy, you love to
make people laugh and have a good time. You
enjoy comfort and don't care to much about what
people think of you. You like to hang out with
your buddies and just have a good time.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Jello Jigglers!
I am slightly shocked that there are some who don't know of the goodliness of Jello Jigglers, but I guess I'ma have to school ya'll on that.... Jello Jigglers are fun shapes of Jelloey goodness. Instead of mixing the Jello and putting it in a bowl, you would put the mixture in a pan or something flat and let it set. Then you take cookie cutters and cut shapes out of the Jello, and BLADOW-you have Jello Jigglers!

So I've been thinking lately. (I'm always thinking) I've come to a conclusion that Bubble Tape is the perfect gum. Think about it, it comes in its own container so you don't have to worry about sticks of gum being loosely dispersed througout your puse, and you can dispense as much or as little as you want. That's great for me because I don't like as much gum as the average stick has, so I can break off a nice small piece. And it's 6 feet of gum for crying out loud, so you will have more than enough for sharing with friends. How ideal is that?? All Bubble Tape needs to do is merge with Wrigley's and have some minty flavors. Winterfresh Bubble Tape, Doublemint Bubble Tape, Big Red??? Who could resist? (This all makes very much sense)

PEQUANNOCK, N.J. (AP) - A Paterson man faces child endangerment charges after allegedly showing up at a Roman Catholic school clad in a diaper and pink stretch pants.
Police said he showed up at Holy Spirit School at dismissal on Feb. 13 seeking a job application. When his request was denied, he defecated in the diaper and fled on foot, police said.

You know I'm mad at that.

I read a great short story today. It made me realize that I really need to brush up on my espanol. The other day at work I had to talk to a customer in spanish because nobody else there speaks it. At all! As long as I've been there, noone that's been hired has known spanish. I find that to be quite odd. Anyway, the customer was cool, and I was kinda talking to him in spanglish. He wanted to know how much we charge for nose piercings. I told him "Aqui no lo ponemos, pero hay tiendas en Downtown Normal que pueden hacerlo. Pero aqui, we don't." I was so proud.....

Hey, did you know the Dutch word for shop is winkel?

Nap huh?
For some reason today after I ate dinner, I decided to take a nap. I had much homework and other things to get done so I figured half an hour or so would give me enough rest to be able to function. I'll let you know something right now, don't ever take a nap at 7:30 p.m., its just not right. I didn't wake up until 12 something, so that's why I'm here now, past 3 a.m. writing a paper for my beloved biology class. (um, yes, I can write a paper and blog stimotaneously...why not?) Which reminds me, I have a test in that class today. O joy.

I really want to go and see the Passion! I won't have any time to though, until next Sunday, so maybe then.

Ok, now I must go back to my paper. Hopefully I can make it to bed before 3:30.... and for tomorrow, must..invest...in...caffeine *_*

I had a pleasant surprise tonight. I had fallen asleep on the couch while watching the Chappelle Show when I heard the screen to the porch open and the bell ring. Who could this be at 9pm?? Therese!! My beautiful friend, home from college on Spring Break. Ok, I still don't get why her spring break begins in February but, sure. We were on a search for someplace to go and have coffee. Steak n Shake was packed. Baker's Square had a waiting list, what's with that? So we went to The Coffehouse (does that place have a real name?) and chilled. I had an iced mocha; it's starting to kick in. Anyway, I absolutely love the atmosphere of The Coffehouse because it has such a laid-back and intimate feel. It's not all uppity and proper, its one of those places you can go to and just be. Good times, good times.

"I’m not that same stupid freshman you met 6 years ago…"
"I know, that's why I picked up some college applications for you"
"You really think I'm college material? I always wanted to go to one of those Poison Ivy League schools…"

Lately I've been getting frustrated with my poetry. It seems like I can never get the words to come out like I want them to, they can't express how I feel. And, other people tend to get different interpretations of what I intend to say. For example, the line
You are very….
Yummy, like a cherry
Is that sexual? Well, it's not supposed to be sexual in the least bit. When I think of something being yummy, I think of it giving you a good warm feeling, delightful, and if something is yummy, it's definitely made just right for you. Yummy, like a heartfelt hug can be yummy. Do you get where I'm coming from? If not, that’s where my frustration comes from. I can't effectively open up the window to my mind and show others what it is that I really mean or feel. There is always some strange shade or set of blinds in the way.

You want a piece of me???
Yes! you do! Lately it seems everybody wants a piece of me, a portion of my time, opinions of my mind, my last quarter and dime, which is fine. But I can't be spread too thin like the last bit of jelly with so much peanut butter, too much of one, not the other, I need balance like twin sister and brother. I'm working hard like single mother. Like 2 jobs, 4 kids, not enough money, no time for tea and honey, waiting for a day thats sunny.
I only have so much to give, I need some of me to live.
So please, help me smile, let me talk for a while, just be free like a child....

============================================

You are very
Easy like a sunday
And you don't seem
rough like a Monday
I bet you like to chill
Just like a good Friday
Can you maybe see things my way?

Make every day count, make every hour count, make every minute count.
I'm working on my time management skills, and I found this quote today that I just love. Me personally, I seemed to find that there was so much to do in a day, and by the end of the day, not enough of it got done. I also found that I wasted a lot of minutes doing nothing, and those minutes turned into hours. So if we start making every minute count, it will definately add up and you will be able to fit more things in your schedule. *I speak from personal experience.....

With school I'm getting a little frustrated this semester. I came into this semester all ready to go, ready for some success. Last semester was not only hoorible, but unacceptable, so this time I was determined to do much better. The reason for my frustration is that I'm pulling just about all B's. Now, you might say that B's are nothing to complain about, and thats true, but I don't want B's. I want A's. B's are mediocre, B's are 'just okay', B's are settling for less for me because I know I can get A's-they're not beyond my reach. I want greatness, I want excellent, I want......perfection?
Is a little bit of perfectionism OK?

Today I want to check into some study abroad stuff and see my possiblities. I want this so bad it hurts. I'm just praying my scholarship will cover it. If not, I guess I'm gonna have to drag Tura with me to Kappa. We can be a duo! *nod* Besides, whose business is it if I pay for my Costa Rica trip in single bills?

I'll leave you with a little something I saw to lighten your day.
If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Be a sweetie, wipe the seatie.

Where is a mint when you need one???
This is so bad. My breath, that is. I don't know why, but its straight on 10, I'm about to pass myself out. So, I've been pretty much quiet all day, trying to keep my mouth closed. Tell my why everybody keeps trying to talk to me? I'm lookin all crazy talkin with my mouth half closed and what not, trying not to let the breath escape. I neeeeeeed some gum!

Other than that, I've been seeing fine brothas all over the place today. I like that.

But what I don't like is when one wants to come up to me and hold a conversation and my breath is hottt. Why can't he come up to me on a good day? Or even a day when I have something, anything to help me out?? Why Why Why? So now, next time dude sees me, is he gonna think "There's that funky breath girl"? Something about bad breath makes people not want to give you another chance. They figure you always have it, its not seen as a temporary thing.

So now, I should learn from this experience and carry mints/gum with me ALL THE TIME. Without excuse.

"These onions gon' have my breath kickin' like 5 kangaroos in a pillowcase"
So I was in the cafeteria today and I saw Kabah. I went over to talk to him and a couple of people came over too. This one guy, I think his name was Don was a trip and a half. He was one of those white people who act black. No, he was one of those white people who is black. You had to have been there, he was so hilarious. So I end up sitting at this table with 3 guys, Kabah, Don (?), and Steve. The main topic of discussion was anatomy, and we're not talking biology class here.
"Yea, I wanna talk to shawty ova there. Look Look, OOh, she got a big a**"
"DAAANG!!!!!"
"She thick as *heaven the opposite*" (as martina would say*)
"Yea, but she ain't got no titties tho"

Aw, come on. *shakes head*

"Liz and I are about to go fly away in her THANK YOUR JESUS car. " This sounds like something someone on drugs would say. If I didn't know Son' and what she was talking about, I'd think she was eating shrooms while watching Willy Wonka or something. *sigh*

So, I really wanna talk to somebody right now, but noone is online and noone is here to talk to.

My five
Five things I want out of life:
1) To have a family. I've always wanted to get married and have kids and all that. I would like to have kinda a large family, so at least 4 kids. Pets? I dunno.
2) To travel. I want to travel around the world, go some of everywhere. Travel is great because it expands your horizons and your thinking and really just opens up your mind to new things.
3) To be successful. Now, of course everyone wants to be successful, and I don't know if you ever reach a point where you can say "Now I'm successful", but I want to be able to look back over my life and know that I made something of it.
4) dont know
5) dont know

Ok, 5 is kinda a lot to think of for that one. The one issue is the success thing. I think everyone measures it differently. I'm not so much looking at it from a monetary side, but if I find myself broke and homeless, reguardless of what I may have accomplished, I'm not going to view myself as successful. Another issue is the "When I grow up" thing. I find it surprising that I hear adults talking about what they want to do/be when they grow up; they are already grown. I guess most people look at their future (as a whole) as being something with a starting point, i.e., when one 'grows up'. But really, its not like that at all. The same thing is with success. We tend to view it as a certain point we reach in life, like one day, after work we come home and realize "Hey, I'm successful!" And another thing is, do you ever get to a point where the success stops? Do you just keep getting more and more 'successful' or do u stay at one level?

I guess I've been thinking too much huh?

I feel embarrased. Today when I walked in the computer lab, I saw Scott. Ashleigh was sitting next to him, so I go over to her and put my hand on top of her head and give it a little shake. I hit Scott on the arm and he hit me back. Cool, yea ok. I sit down at the computer next to Scott and when he leaves he's saying bye to Ashleigh, but hmmm, her voice sounds awfully different. That's when I realize it's not Ashleigh at all, its some other girl I don't even really know. Yea, now I feel like a fool.

My speech was today. So, I dress up all nice (hoping that I would see him too, but not so far..) and I'm all getting ready to give my speech. I am surprisingly awake after only having 2 hours of sleep. (For some reason I decided to wait until last night to write the thing.) Mother dear gave me a ride to school and on the way, I'm looking at my notecard, trying to get my speech downpacked, since I've had no time to practice it at all. I get to school, go to the library and print off my outline and go in the cafeteria to review my speech some more. I can't find my notecard. Where is my notecard?????? I can only have 1 notecard, everything was microscopically written on that small 4x6 piece of paper, where is it?? If I left it in the car, it's gone home with my mother. This cannot be happening......
Luckily, it was in the Library, I could've just kissed the guy who found it! (who surprisingly resembles John Kroph. *shudder*)

Apparently my speech went well, after class a lot of the people in my class came up to me congratulating me on it and telling me how good it was. They really really liked it. Too bad I didn't know that we had to have 4 sources total, and only one could be an internet source. Too bad I didn't even cite my sources on my outline. But hey, speaking is for the people right? not the teacher. And the people loved it.

Black Like Me by NaKeith

You don't want to be black like me?
But you wanna act like me,
Play in the NFL and get quarterback sacks like me,
You wanna play B-ball and take it to the rack like me,
You don't wanna be black like me?
But you want to get tanned skin like me,
Be able to walk in a room full of ethnic diversity and blend like me,
You want to be able to move this pen like me,
Still be able to hold your head high after going through all kinds of adversity,
You don't want to be black like me?
Are you being harrased by the police because you drive a 1974 Cadillac like me?
But you still choose to wear your pants with a little more slack like me,
Thinking you is cool because you wear platinum jewelry,
But you will never see that there is more than being black than that to me,
Being black is having pride in our history,
Knowing that people fought and bled for the rights that we take as a luxury,
For some reason I feel lke you cannot see the tragedy that we call African American history,
From Kings and Queens to this,
Black like me but you wants to resist,
Pissed because you are what you are and I am what I am,
But stop being pissed, be a man, and take a stand,
For this is your land, this is our land, from the country back roads of Savannah, Georgia to the amusement parks of Coney Island,
So you still don't want to be black like me?
But I say that you are you just need to take a look at your family tree.
Black like me.

Pieces of an unfinished poem....
My heart moans
My soul groans
Don't let me be alone....
=================
When I talk to you
Oh yes, I play it so cool
And when you walk away I swoon
=================
My heart's palpitating
As I'm waiting
Anticipating
=================
I hate the feeling of being in like. NO, not in love, just in like. I hate it when I think of a person constantly, they are always on my mind, and I just want to be with them. It doesn't matter what we do, just being around that person would satisfy me. I hate that. Why you ask? Because it makes me feel weak, I guess. I am Elizabeth, strong and tough. I am Elizabeth, gentle yet rough. I am Elizabeth, I don't take no stuff. So what in the world am I supposed to do when I feel this way? When my heart beats just a little bit faster upon his arrival? When my stomach gives a little quiver when I see him coming near? When I think of the conversations we could have and I overanalyze every potential "signal" that could possibly mean that my feelings are reciprocated?

What am I supposed to do, with these feelings I have for you?
What am I supposed to do, when I don't know if you are feeling it too?
What am I supposed to say when you toss that special look my way?
What more can I say, than I think of you all day?
How am I supposed to act all the while, I try to play it cool but I'm wearing a big smile?
How am I supposed to be, when these feelings don't seem like me?

This sucks, but I kinda like it.

Here's some interesting things for you. I definately learned something new.

Black Inventors

1899 George Grant invented the golf tee
1887 Alfred Cralle invented the ice cream scoop
1882 Oscar Brown invented horse shoes
J.L.Love invented the pencil sharpener
1890 W.B.Purvis invented the cartridge for fountain pens
1975 A.P. Ashbourne- biscuit cutter
1923 Garrett Morgan invented the traffic light
Madame C.J. Walker created hair products for black americans
J.A.Burr-lawn mower, 1899
Sarah Boone-1892, ironing board
P.B.Dowing-1891,mailbox
Isaac Johnson-1889, bicycle
J.M.Certain-1899, bicycle basket
And that's just a few my friends........Now let's learn about Georgey.

George Washington Carver, I hope you've heard of him. He is known for all the things he did with peanuts, but he also worked with soybeans, peacans,and sweet potatoes. He revolutionized agriculture in the south (they grew mostly cotton) by developing a crop rotation method. One year, plant soybeans and peas, the next year plant cotton. This enriched the soil and made better crops. George invented a lot of things, but he only got 3 patents, and most of his work he did just for mankind. Here's a list of some of his inventions:
adhesives axle grease bleach, buttermilk
chili sauce, fuel briquettes, ink, instant coffee
linoleum, mayonnaise, meat tenderizer
metal polish, paper, plastic, pavement
shaving cream, shoe polish, synthetic rubber
talcum powder, and wood stain.
Think of how different our world would be without some of those products. All from one brotha.

I took the "Can you pass the third grade" test as well, and yes, I failed. it was a lot harder than I thought it would be! I figured, the states, I know them. Well, apparently not. It was fun anyway though.

Today I was so tired I could hardly stay awake in any of my classes. I didn't even go to my last one, but don't worry, I'm not turning into a slacker. All I need is to catch some Z's.

I got my class ring back!! I lost it a couple of months ago at Roc's house, along with 2 pairs of earrings. I don't know why I take my jewelry off, but anyway, she returned my earrings, but not my ring. I remember her trying it on but not giving it back, but she claimed she did. I was telling her "No, Roc, it's at your house!" but nooooo, she didn't think so. Well, Wednesday night I went over there and lo and behold, she presents to me my beloved class ring. (Now I have to get used to wearing it again)

I want to eat some pizza today. I hope Sonia and I can go to Gumby's or somewhere good and cheap to eat, cuz I'm starvin like Marvin.

So, take the test and see how you do. Can you pass the third grade????

I am optimistic. Spring should be here soon. The days are getting slightly longer, did anyone notice? The temperatures are rising by just a few degrees, did anyone catch that? I am so excited, I can't wait until spring is here. No more scarf, hat, gloves, heavy coat, snow, ice, etc. Any day now.... *esperando*
Tura-sorry, no pirates. But potentially native island boys. @_@

Good news! (No, i didn't save by switching to Geiko) I am doing quite well in my classes. I got an A on my math test! 96%, I got an A on my sociology exam, a B on my speech test but, a C on my Bio. I'll have to bring that up, eh? Aren't you all proud of me? I feel smart again!

My Five
5 friends I would like to be stuck on a desert island with:
1) Sonia-because she knows me and would probably be able to calm me down best, because I would be mad crazy for getting myself stuck on an island. Plus, she can make a meal out of almost anything.
2)Therese-because she is really smart and would probably be the one to figure out a way off the island. Plus, she could probably carve a flute of some type out of a tree or something and entertain us.
3)Tony-because we need a guy. He can cut down some trees and make our house. yeah..
4)Tura-because she would work very well with Therese. She would be very determined to get off the island at any cost and would most likely do whatever she could.
5)Donna-because she is cute and is getting beefy, so we could eat her when necessary. Plus, I couldn't think of anyone else.

What would I do? I would probably sew and wash clothes, and try to be optimistic about everything. I am also quite handy with building things, so I could help make the house. So, If I ever go on a cruise, I'm taking all of you with me, just in case. (:

Blasphemy
They kept telling me and telling me, but they lied. "Lots of snow" they said, "5-8 inches". And I, in my naivete, believed them. I believed there would be snow today and I wouldn't have to take my Biology exam. I just knew that when I looked out my window, there would be snow in and on everything. Piles and piles of snow, who knows, maybe we would've even been snowed in. But no. Only a measly dusting of the white stuff. How could they be so cruel? Once again, I have been let down.
**************************************************
Ya, so I was really counting on some snow. Now watch, it'll come full force just when I don't want it. Anyway, I took my biology test, it wasn't too bad, but I still don't know how I did on it. At least a C i'm hoping.

Sonia-You have got to blog about those 2 guys the other night.
Martina-I hope to get to see (and talk to) you on Saturday!

A couple of days ago, I got a letter from my grandmother (My father's mother). I've never really met her, but she saw me when I was a baby. She gave me her phone number, and I kinda want to call, but I wouldn't know what to say. I would love to go and visit her, maybe over spring break.

Speaking of travel, I saw an advertisment for a summer study abroad thing in Costa Rica. 5 weeks of Spanish training, and you get to stay with a family. Do you know how great that would be for me??? Especially if my scholarship paid for it? Ah, I can feel the Costa Rican sun right now. THEN there's also a study abroad for the fall semester in England. You know I love the UK. I'm getting quite excited about the possiblities. *_*

Sometimes I feel powerless when all I can do about a sitauation is pray, but how does that make sense? Knowing that God is Omnipotent (all powerful), you would think that I would be more than assured. Prayer is powerful. Putting your problems into the hands of the One who knows all, has all, and can do all.....its amazing just to think of it.
I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting. 1 Timothy 2:8.

Jean Baptiste Pointe DuSable1745-1818- Not the name of your average brotha, I know, but he was French, born in Haiti. He was a big man, over 6 feet tall and spoke French, English, Spanish and some Indian Languages. When he was 20 years old, his boat sank on the way to a New Orleans port. He was almost enslaved by the Spanish, but managed to escape and went up the Mississippi river toward St. Louis. Some years later, he moved farther north and settled in an area called by the Indians "Eschikagou" meaning 'land of bad smells'. Sound it out, and it sounds like what? Chicago! He built the first permanent home there, and established a trading post at which he sold supplies and tools, and trappers traded fur pelts. He also built a mill, smokehouse, dairy, poultry house, horse stable and barn. People even as far as Canada knew about it! In 1796, DuSable's granddaughter was the first person to be born in Chicago. Despite his success, DuSable moved from Chicago in 1800, most likely because he was unhappy with the many changes in this new found land. There were also whites fighting him for the land. So there you have it, the founder of Chicago, a Black man. Makes me proud *tear*.

BODY ILLS AND SKILLS
Nervous Habits? : Me, nervous? You kid yourself.
Are you double jointed? : Apparently I am in my thumbs. I thought it was just normal, until 6th grade when people started looking at me funny when I bend them back and pop them forward...
Can you do weird things with your tongue? : I can lick the heck out of a Tootsie Pop.
Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? : *raises eyebrow* Why yes.
Can you blow spit bubbles? : Like a pro
Can you cross your eyes? : Yes, but usually when I try only one crosses. Now that's talent.
Tattoos? : No way
Piercings and where? : Only 2 in each earlobe
Do you make your bed daily? : Not hardly. Sometimes weekly though.
SLEEP
What's your sleeping position?: Mostly always on my right side with my knees bent. Never on my back.
Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? : Mos Def.
Do you snore? : I would never.
Do you sleepwalk? : No
Do you talk in your sleep?: No, but I've been known to hum or groan in my sleep.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animals? : Yes, a big black bear that Angela gave me. I call him 'Bear'.
Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? : Always the radio. Always.
WHICH IS BETTER
Coke or Pepsi? : Pepsi, CocaCola co. is corrupt
Oranges or apples? : Oranges, even though they are harder to eat. Gotta get that vitamin C!
One pillow or two? : two
Deaf or blind? : Deaf, I couldn't live without seeing sunshine, trees, etc. Plus, sign language is cool.
Pools or hot tubs? : In general, I'd have to say pool, cuz you can have heated pools in the winter, but you couldn't pay me enough to go in a hot tub in the summer.
Blondes or brunettes? : I guess Brunettes
Tall or short? : I guess short. Too tall and you're freaky. Too short and you're a dwarf, but at least you get a real title.
TV or radio? : Radio. Music is joy.
Beach or pool? : Beach. Great scenery and you can fit way more people.
Tic-Tacs or Certs? : Tic-Tacs. Only 5 calories, right?
Snooze button or jump out of bed? : Whoa, what's this about jumping out of bed? No snooze, I just lay there until I feel slightly awake and then I roll out of bed.
Sunrise or Sunset? : Sunset. Sunrise is way too early.
Hamburger or Cheeseburger? : Cheezburger baby! Especially from McDonald's
Morning or night? : Morning. Air is fresh, Birds are singing, etc.
Sports or news? : News, so I can stay in the know.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? : Christmas Eve. All the cooking and visiting relatives and what not.
Cake or ice cream? : Ice cream, forget cake. Stick a candle in that!
Spearmint or Peppermint? : Spearamint is so gross. Peppermint wins that one
Bath or shower? : Shower, who has time to take a bath every morning?
Book or Movie? : Book. I can pick it up whenever I want, and it has much more details
Green or Red apples? : Yellow okay?
Rain or Snow? : Rain. It can only be wet for so long, but snow likes to outstay its welcome
Nike or Adidas? : Addidas. Classic shelltoe yea boyeee!

This has got to stop
My computer keeps shutting down! Actually, it keeps freezing, which makes me have to shut it down. I had a post all nice and ready, good length, and was almost done, but nooooooo, computer had to act up. Do you know how mad I am?? I even tried alt+tab Martina, but to no avail.

Anyhow, February is Black History Month, for those of you who don't know (and for those who do) and in order to spread awareness and appreciation for BHM, I'm going to have some info on a great Black person in history. Enjoy!

Ellen Craft-"Master of Disguise" 1826-1897
Ellen was born as a slave in Georgia. Her complexion was so light that she was often mistaken for a member of the Master's family. This made the Mistress very mad, so when Ellen was 11 years old, the Mistress took her from her mother and gave Ellen to her daughter as a 'wedding gift'.
Ellen and her husband knew that slaveholders could take their slaves to any part of the country they wanted, so they came up with the idea of Ellen disguising herself as a slaveowner, and having her husband William pretend as her slave to escape to freedom. Ellen couldn't read or write, so she put her arm in a sling so she couldn't be expected to sign anything. They had saved their money, dressed Ellen as a man, and were on their way to Baltimore.
From Baltimore, they went to Philadelphia and were known throughout the north for their bold and daring escape. They lived in Boston for 2 years until slave catchers hunted them down. They ran away to Nova Scotia, then to England. Both eventually learned to read and came back to America. The couple bought a plantation in William's old homeland and conducted an industrial school for Blacks.

You Go Homegirl!

A Few More Pet Peeves
1) People with fully functioning limbs and mental capacity who use the handicap button to open doors. What is wrong with your body that you can't open a door? Are you that lazy to pull/push? Or maybe you think you are above opening doors, so you use handicap button instead. Yes, that must be it.
2)B.O. Yes, that's right, body odor. Okay, I can understand if you are having a bad day in the hygeine department, but there is no reason you should stink everyday. There is no escuse for chronic B.O. Don't you smell yourself? What's wrong with your soap?
3)Adding letters/syllables to words. I can't stand when people say acrosst. The word across doesn't have a T on the end! There's also patterin. I don't see how you can get patterin out of the word pattern.
4)Messy eaters. This one will always make the list. Please people, make use of all utensils necessary. This includes your napkin. If you are over 7 years old, there is no reason for you to have food crumbs all over your clothes and face. NO reason. And while you're at it, close your mouth while you're eating. And don't talk to me until you swallow. Please.

He keeps on.....doing great things for me
He keeps on ....doing great things for me
I really loves this song, and the lyrics are so true. God keeps on doing such great things for me. Now, at church we are on a 6 week consecration in which we are eating one meal a day, to get ready for the youth explosion we're having in March. It just started Monday, and I've been doing pretty good so far, but it's been hard. So yesterday, I was typing up my paper for Sociology class, it was about my Christianity subculture. All of a sudden, the computer froze and it wouldn't unfreeze, and silly me didn't save a bit of the work I'd already done. I must've pushed Ctrl+Alt+Delete a hundred times, but still nothing. I got sooooo mad. I got unreasonably mad. I was gonna have to shut the computer down and start my paper all over again. I talked to my mother about it, she just fussed about me doing my work at the last minute, which only added to my frustration. I was seriously about to cuss the computer out, I didn't care. My eyes began to swell with tears, I was thinking "I'm not even gonna do this paper anyway, I'm tired, I shouldn't have waited so long, I'm not even gonna go to class tomorrow." In the midst of my anger, I began to pray. I knew that my anger and perhaps upcoming actions were unjustifiable. I asked the Lord to take away my frustration, and I began to rebuke the spirits of anger, defeat, and procrastination. I shut the computer down, with tears still in my eyes. It finally booted back up, and when I went into Microsoft word, my paper was there, fully recovered.

Now, the testimony in this is not only that I got my paper back, although that was a huge blessing. The main thing is that I can see how God is working in me, especially through this consecration. There would have been a time when I would've cussed the computer out, probably even damaged it in some way, and left the assignment undone. That's not God-like. In fact, the last thing on my mind would've been praying. All while writing a paper about Christianity.

Matthew 7:8 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Son: The constipation has been going pretty good so far.
Me: *looks strangely* The what???
Son: The consecration.
Me: That is not what you said.....

I think I saw Kalvin yesterday. As as matter of fact, I am 90% sure that it was him. I only saw the guy from his backside, but I could tell it was a light-skinned guy. He was about the same height as Kalvin (I guess) and he had on a hat. Yea, Kalvin looks good in hats. It was like a winter hat thing, and I could see where the guy had a ponytail underneath. I'm convinced...it was so him.

Does running for the bus every morning count as daily excercise?
I find it quite difficult to leave the house at 7a.m. Monday through Friday to catch the bus to go to class. No matter what time I get up, I just can't seem to leave the house on time. So I run. Actually, it's more like jog, with the bookbag and all, but it's not fun at all.
Thinking about-People. It is so interesting to watch and observe people doing what they do, acting out the unrehearsed script of life. I guess that's why we have such studies as Psychology and Sociology. The question is: what makes people happy? And how can you define happiness? I mean, when someone gives you a piece of candy, does that make you happy? You smile, yes, but how long does that good feeling last? I think that's not happines, that's just being pleased. I don't know, I could go all day with that one.....

So, I've also been thinking lately about writing a letter to myself. Not mailing it or anything, but just to see what it's like. (no, i'm not on drugs) I think it wouldn't be much different than writing to a friend. What's the point? I don't know yet, but I'll let you know when I find out.

Last night I got to talk to Adam, this guy from Sonia and Tura's job who apparently had it pretty bad for Son'. He seems like a cool kid, we had some things in common with school and such. I thought it very interesting that he wants to be a herptologist (I think thats the word). It's not your average answer to the "What do you want to be when you grow up" question. By the way If you don't know what that is, look it up. Anyhow, I hope I can get him to come to church with me and Son'.

Now I'm gonna go home, relax, do some homework, etc. I love being done with classes early! Oh, and it seems my new nickname with some of mis amigos is 'Lucky'. Heh Heh Heh.

What had happened was....
This is how it always happens. I get on the computer, and I tell myself I'm only going to get online for a little while. Well, tonight I got on around 10ish, and now it's 1:00 a.m.! I need to be in bed, I have to be up at 6. This is craziness. In the meantime, I've added a song to my blog "I Can" by Nas. I love this song, its so very positive, its a great message not only for the kids, but for all of us. Plus, the beat is tight.

Tura-I haven't seen you since Anjelica was here! (wait, have I seen you since then??) Anyway, hope school is going well and all. Drop me a line.
Sonia-I haven't seen you since Sunday!! What craziness is that?? Let me tell you, you are too busy for your own good *shakes finger*.
Therese-Bonjour my white chocolate sista! I need to send you your Christmas present...
Martina-Hope you feel better. Po baby....
Anjelica-Um, I was just thinking the other day, you do know you're gonna be in my wedding right?? Just thought I'd let you know.

-Pray that I stay awake in class tomorrow. I have a tendency not to do so.

So, lately I've been thinking about going vegetarian again. I was one in 7th and 8th grade, but I stopped, not for any particular reason, just because I guess it was getting old. Even now, I don't eat much meat. I "don't partake of the swine" and the only beef I eat is ground beef (think-McDonald's cheeseburger). I dunno, just something I'm throwing around in my mind.

Did you ever reach for the glued-down penny?
Same old joke and it's not funny
Burns are red, bruises blue
Out with the old cheated by the new -Chumbawumba (i believe)

Why, yes, I actually have. Well, in my case it was a quarter, so does that make it any better? Now, I must say that it is indeed a cruel joke to glue money to the ground and watch as people try to pick it up, not knowing it won't budge.

It was a hot summer day, I was walking along the streets of Normal, visiting different shops, and spending leisure time with my mother. Then I saw it-the small metal circle lying idly on the ground. As I drew closer, I could see that this circle was something special. Not something you normally see lying idly by. Behold-A quarter! Twenty five sweet cents all for me, Oh happy day! Nearing the coin, I imagined all the possibilities of my newfound spending power. Bus fare to some faraway destination (say, the mall), a pack of gum? Perhaps even a Little Debbie snack to please my tounge and stomach. Whichever should I choose??? Standing over the quarter, I knew I'd have plenty of time to decide. I bent over anxiously, and began to pick up the quarter with such anticipation, only to find, it would not move. Not even for me! My heart sank into my stomach, my face warmed with embarrassment and my eyes swelled with tears of dissapointment. No quarter for me.

This, my friends, was last summer.

Thinking Thinking Thinking
I’ve been thinking about many things lately. One issue is quite timely, it being Martin Luther King Jr. Day and all. I’ve been thinking about the civil rights movement and how much strength and courage everyone who fought for our rights had. I was watching a movie the other day, something with Whoppi Goldberg, and it was set in the civil-rights era. It showed how Blacks were boycotting the busses, and doing that meant they had to walk everywhere they went, even several miles to work or the nearest store, or if someone they knew had a car, they could try to carpool. It’s amazing how the whole black community could pull together for one united effort, even though it was very difficult. They had to worry about loosing their jobs, being terrorized by the KKK, getting sprayed with high pressure fire hoses and mauled by police dogs, all with the justice system doing virtually nothing about it. And now, today, whenever I get on the bus, I can sit in whatever seat I darn well please, and the same goes for any restaurant I visit. If it were not for the efforts of those activists, where would the black community be today? There is so much we take for granted.

Looking at the united effort of those working for civil rights, makes me wonder why can’t Americans as a whole pull together against so much corruption that is going on right now? There are so many companies and businesses that are using unethical standards, mistreating employees and exploiting cheap labor. Something can be done, but not if we don’t pull together and unite against this corruption.

Rapidamente
I don't know what's up with my computer, so I must try to blog quickly, before it kicks me off. Actually, its about to now, so peace and love to all.......

ooooo pretty

Do you like?
After much deliberation, I have chosen a skin. I was looking for something dark, and I think the purple is a nice touch. A bit sophisticated and quite nice, I think. The only thing is, I feel like there is too much activity going on inbetween posts. You got purple, then grey, then purple then grey.... but still nice. I also don't particularly like how I can't change the "More than Words" part. I still need to add my comments, archive link and such. So, as of now it's a bit unfinished, but I'm sure it will be all gravy once it's complete.

On another note, I am going to get my books today!! I'm so relieved, it's not been easy going for almost a week of classes with no book. *sigh* 'tis all for now.

I'm thinking of changing my template to this, or this. Tell me what you think. I think I like the second one better, but the first is so cute. Decisions, Decisions.

Ahh, done with my first day of classes for the new semester. I have some homework, so that means I absolutely need to get my books TODAY. *sigh* On M,W,F I have Math, Biology (anatomy and phisiology), and my Bio lab. So, its a pretty good schedule, my classes are once again back to back (just the way I like'em!) I'm having some problems with my Tuesdays and Thursdays, however. I need to replace my cancelled spanish class with a class that will fulfill my gen eds, but I can't decide what class I wanna take. To complete my gen-eds I need 1 more english class, 2 humanities/fine arts, 2 social/behavioral sciences, and 1 life/physical science. I think I'll choose from:
Sociology of Marriage and Family
Understanding Religion
Non-Western Humanities

Por favor, ayudame Dios!

Love is blind
that's why this girl is on cloud nine

Cool person of the Day:
Tura!

Seeing as she so faithfully comments on my blogs, I shall dedicate this post to her.

"Does this caged bird sing?" -Talking to Tura one night I asked her about the book "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" and if she knew what the title meant. Why does the caged bird sing?? Now, does this caged bird (me) sing? YES! I sing because despite feeling confined, I do have a place to live and a family that cares about me. I'm in college, and my schooling is being paid for with no loans. I have good friends that are caring and supportive, I have a job, in short, I am blessed immensely. I still feel like a caged bird, but I might as well count my blessings and make the best of my 'confinement'.

We're Floetry and we're alright, I'm the flo-icist and I'm alright, I'm the songstress, and I'm alright....
3rd member of Floetry? O yes, I could see myself there. One is the floicist, she writes poetry and can, well, flow. The other is the songstress, and she rocks the mic with beautiful vocals. So if I was the 3rd member, maybe I would be the flosongistress. Hm. Gotta come up with a better title.

Stop Complaining!
I realized today that I must quit complaining about things. I don't think I complain much, but its just one of those things people do everyday, not thinking about it. My complaining is getting me nowhere, for example:
1)Last Saturday it was supposed to snow. We were supposed to have 6 inches by Sunday afternoon. I absolutely can't stand snow, so I was complaining about the snow we were going to get, and then, on that very same Saturday, it began to rain. Then it began to hail. Rain+Hail+Winter=Ice. First it just started with slippery roads on Saturday. Overnight it turned into sidewalks completely covered with ice, and streets mostly covered with it. Almost a week later, I am still slipping and sliding everywhere I walk.
2)Me encanta mucho el espanol. I didn't get to take a Spanish class last semester, so I was going to take one for the spring. The only class offered didn't start until 5 and ended at 7. Although I was glad to be able to take the class finally (seeing as Spanish is my major), I complained because the class was only offered at night. I wasn't too happy about that. So, yesterday the U of H sent me a letter telling me that my class is cancelled. So now I can't take my Spanish class and I get to rearrange my whole schedule.

But I'm not complaining.

I was reading blogs and got the inspiration to write a poem. Well, really it just mentioned the waking up crying part, but I knew I could take it and run with it.

She wakes up crying
knowin what her life is like
but she's lying

Lying to her friends
when will the stories come to an end

Lying to herself
with fantasies of prosperity and wealth

But looking around
she will see
the transparent lies have hit the ground
and now too late
cuz noone is around

I priced my books today. They'll cost me over $400, which is crazy. I was thinking they'd only be around $300, but my biology books alone are over $165. Just for one class!!! I have to buy my books and then my scholarship reimburses me, but I don't know how I'm gonna get the money. The Lord will provide.

"I'm happy and why should I be? I'm short, my hairline is receding, and I can't even do girl push-ups"

Her: i moved my bed to my desk and am laying down with the keyboard on my bed so things get awkward with typing
--This is a new low.

"Fo' shizzle ... o' no' fo' shizzle? Dat be the quizzle, my south-central British nizzle."-Urban Dictionary

I want to get away...I wanna fly away. Yea, yea yea

That's how I feel, I need to get away. I feel like its due time that so much in my life needs to change. I feel like I am ready to grow, to spread my wings and fly, soar high above the clouds and do great things with my life. There is so much to life, so much to learn and experience, so much to be enlightened of.....I yearn for that.

So what is holding me back? I think living at home during college is not helping at all for starters. Even though I am technically an adult (18 woo hoo) and don't have nearly as many rules as I did when I was younger, there are still many things about living under your parent's roof that prevents growth. There will still be rules no matter what -clean this, be home by this time, get off the phone, etc.- and also living at home has you in a certain comfort zone. It may be uncomfortable to deal with the parents and siblings, but, the comfort is in knowing that your parents are there for you should you need them, that there will be food provided, shelter, all those lovely things. Growth does require stepping out of a comfort zone.

Another thing that is stopping my 'flight' is undecisiveness. I would love to just get up and go. But where am I going to go? And what am I going to do when I get there? See, the way I'm thinking, I want to go far away, if not several states away, out of the country (namely London). You don't just go to London. *sigh*

I feel like I need to be able to just go, and not be worried about work, family, etc. School, maybe. I just need to go, and be free and find some great thing to do with my life. I need to be a free soul.

In short, I feel much like a caged bird.

There is not much on TV at 3:30 a.m. except for infomercials. I hate infomercials.

I really need to go to bed, too tired to blog.