Right now I am ANGRY and I feel like my life sucks. I hardly got any sleep last night, and somehow I spent all night trying to force myself to do an assignment which I magically completed just before 8am. Funny how it only took me an hour to do it.
I am ANGRY because I can't make myself do my homework when I want to do it.
I had to make sure I got it done in time to move my car. The spot I parked in last night is only 1 hour parking from 8a.m. till 6p.m., which means that I had to move it by 9 at the latest. But I have class at 8:30. So I go to move my car. I go to move my car. I go to move my car and my car will not move. I go out in the COLD after gettting no sleep to move my car and it will not move. I called my mother, she called our mechanic. He says to have the car TOWED in to see if they can get it started. To see if they can get it started. But I don't have to work until Wednesday, so thats when I really need the car to be started. So what if they get it started today, but come Wednesday I'm out of luck? I will have wasted money, energy, and time.
I am ANGRY because all I wanted to do is move my car to another parking spot but now I have to get it towed, which might not even be a solution.
My mother offered to help me pay for the tow. Towing is ridiculously priced, and I'm thinking that I'd like to own a towing company one day, cuz the profits must be MAD crazy. But I have money, and I know she hasn't had a lot of work to do at the job lately, so her paychecks have been muy pequeno. In fact, her last check was less than mine. And I had taken days off. Her check was a third of what it usually is. I was upset that she offered to pay for it.
I am ANGRY that my mother busts her butt and still does not make enough money.
I thought about how Symone told me that they needed laundry detergent. I went to the store last night after work and picked up a few things for myself. I got some detergent for them too, and found some smoked almonds for my mother. She loves smoked almonds. I dropped them off at the house, and she called me saying, "What did you do that for?" I know that she was grateful. I'm trying to do this whole 'family' thing, cuz I know family is supposed to help take care of each other, and I like doing that. I like being able to do what I can to help out. I know that my mother also takes joy in being able to do things for me, even if its just giving me some food when I come home. I know she was trying to help me by offering to help pay for the tow. That made me feel a different feeling that I don't have a word for. Some kind of heart feeling.
I am ANGRY because that is the emotion I default to when I don't know what to call the emotion I'm feeling. Language is so interesting.
I am scared of grad school. I am scared of applying to grad school. I am scared of the capabilities/incapabilities of my potential. My room is not clean. My room stinks. I am complaining about the smallest things that don't matter in life.
That makes me ANGRY.
I just have to make it through the day.