Friday, April 06, 2007


Let me preface this by saying that it makes me feel strange to write about men so much. I have other issues in life. . . but I do like boys!

I'm too young to be thinking about marriage. I'm only 21. He's too old not to be thinking about marriage. He's 24.

All of his friends/acquaintances from his country are married by now, or at least have a fiancee. He doesn't even have a girlfriend, and I know that's presenting problems for him. Even his mother is pressuring him, asking why he has no fiancee yet. She offered to find him one back home, but he doesn't want a Congolese woman. He wants to find his own wife.

He likes me. To tell the truth, I think he's growing on me in some type of way. He just treats me SO well, and that alone is enough to hold my attention. He treats me like the queen I perceive myself to be. I know that in a relationship, he could probably be the bomb boyfriend. At least attention-wise (and I like that). I had even gotten to the point of considering this relationship thing, and we all know, Eliz does NOT get involved. I don't like emotional attachment. But I was considering it.

I realized though, that he needs a relationship that's going to turn into something more. It's a little funny in a non-laughter way that I had always percieved myself as only being in relationships like that. One that would go somewhere, not just being in one just to do it.

I hate that he's so many things I thought/knew/know that I want(ed), but I'm still not quite feeling it. And that even if I was, we just have two very different goals for a relationship. I hate that I'm thinking about relationships.

We had a LONG talk last night, on the phone for almost 2 hours. Caking. Dayum. I told him how I have problems with the L word. I just can't say it. He told me that knew. I guess he caught the hint after the first few times of saying it, and me not reciprocating lol. I told him how I have problems with emotional attachment, he told me how he imagines that I am his girlfriend when we are together, but has to bring himself back to reality.

*sigh* I know this is going to be difficult.