Friday, October 31, 2003

She Likes Me!!

She likes me, she really really likes me!
In case you are wondering, the she is Lamont's mom. I was talking to Martina and I just had to ask her if her mother liked me or not, because seriously, I couldn't tell. At all. I was really thinking she didn't. Martina shouted "Mom, Elizabeth thinks you don't like her." Aww, man, why did she have to go and say that?? Then I talked to her mother and she said "Yes I like you. If I didn't like you I wouldn't talk to you and try to correct your little English." Ah, ok. But it is a big relief to know that she likes me.

I have not talked with my father in a long time and I really hope he's doing ok. He's been on my mind lately. I don't want to ask mama about him because she may get upset. She hasn't heard from him either.

I am half asleep right now. *tee hee*

Thursday, October 30, 2003

I need some encouragement right now. I feel so bogged down with school work, I just slept away most of my business class that I'm getting a D in, I have to be at work today at 3 and I just missed the bus so I will be late again, I only have 25 cents for the bus and I need 50, I haven't talked to my mother in like 3 days, I haven't talked to my father in weeks and I don't even know where he is, nobody is online for me to talk to, I really need a ride to work, I miss my love.

I don't mean to scare any of you and I do want you all to know that I'm really fine but lately when I drive...

See, I have started to drive more carelessly. And I wonder "hmmm, what would happen if I just ran this red light?" I speed all the time. I see semi trucks and I think of my love. I think "come on, just run into me too, come on, do it." *sigh*

I am gonna be so late to work.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Mickey D's

Ok, it's finally after 10:30. So now what I'm gonna do is take my fat butt to McDonald's and get a number 2, which of course is 2 cheeseburgers. I shall eat them both and be full and fat and contented. After that, I shall go to work then later I am going to church. Really, I just want my food now....

I Guess I Went Trick-or-Treating

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
Chiliz345 goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Cleopatra.
Gallies14 gives you 1 light orange spearmint-flavoured miniature candy bars.
Tu9110024 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
RKaReisha tricks you! You get a moldy pretzel.
Superbowl37sd ca gives you 15 tan grape-flavoured gummy fruits.
Tgj12 gives you 6 red root beer-flavoured gummy fruits.
Chiliz345 ends up with 21 pieces of candy, and a moldy pretzel.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

I Had a Dream...

I had a dream this was all a dream.
It was the sweetest reverie.

I had a dream last night that Lamont was not really dead. I got to talk to him and I hugged him and I smacked Martina upside the head for telling me he was gone. But then we all laughed because we were just happy that he was there with us. Then I woke up.

Today I went to Symone's school, BJHS. She wants me to be a coach for this Destination Imagination thing. I talked to her teacher, Ms. Fogarty, she was really nice. She was stylin' too! So, Ms. Fogarty talked to me about it, and it seems pretty cool. I've been needing something to make me feel more useful anyway and I think that this will. Maybe I'm just adding more to my full plate though, I guess we'll see. I saw Dr. Fry today at the junior high. lol He's gonna be Symone's reading teacher when her current teacher goes on maternity leave. He already told Symone he's gonna call her CooCooCaChoo. KaReisha, you know what I'm talking about.

Poor Martina. They are leaving today to got to California for my love's funeral. Even though she seems to be doing fine I pick up on her spirit that she is so torn down on the inside. I need to pray much for her. It's funny because I can tell she tries to be strong for me, and I am definately trying to be strong for her but both of us are weak.

Now I must leave and go to math class. It's 40 after and I have to be there at 9. I probably will be late, it's no short drive to the U of H. It won't be the first time...

*Smile my friends.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

I Don't Feel Like It

I don't feel like doing or being anything right now. I don't feel like doing homework or even being a student. I don't feel like doing my dishes that await me. I don't feel like blogging really... I don't feel like crying, or holding back tears. I don't feel like being strong. I don't feel like being an example or a role model. I don't feel like being nice. I don't feel like sleeping and I don't feel like being awake. I don't feel like talking on the phone. I don't feel like being around people. I don't feel like being alone. I really don't even feel like living right now. It's just too much work. Non stop, always doing this, doing that, going to school, going to work going to church, tryin to be happy because if you don't people say why are you looking so sad. Always being nice, always there for other people, and not to mention just dealing with myself. There is so much confusion going on in my mind right now that I can't sort my thoughts out at all except for what to write here. I feel like crawling under a boulder and having it squeeze all the breath out of my lungs and letting it squash me to death. At the same time I feel like getting away and having fun, not caring about anything, no responsibilities, no standards to live up to, just acting a plum fool. I don't wanna go to school tomorrow, I don't even want to go back for the rest of the semester. I really don't feel like going to work tomorrow, nobody better make me mad because I really just might cuss them out. If you can't imagine me doing that, well just belive me, it's in me.

I take my feelings which have the colors of crimson and orange and bright yellows and green.
The colors are so bright, so bright that they hurt my eyes.
So I choose not to look.
I color them black because black is the absence of color.
But you know how if you color a white paper with a crayon, you can still tell what color the paper was...
I know the colors are still there.
If I think the black might come off, I color furiously.
The color is too much for my eyes.
The colors are too real.
The black causes me no strain, the only struggle is to maintain it.
I am so sick of coloring. I don't feel like coloring anymore.
*If for some reason you now find yourself saying what the heck is she talking about, don't even worry about it. I know what I mean and I don't know if it really makes sense to you or not but I don't care.

So, I've Been Thinking.....

I've been thinking about this whole thing. (of course) I think I have come up with a theory or at least a reason why the Lord decided to give me my love then take him away. You see, I know the saying it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Lamont even wrote me a poem about that. Loving Lamont was really a huge challenge for me because I had never really loved before. I was afraid to love. I was afraid of getting my heart broken, I was afraid because true love was so new. Of course I had crushes and little puppy love, but this love was 100% real. I even tried to fight it at first, but I gave in. And let me tell you, love felt so so good. So maybe God let me love for that short while to allow me to be able to open up my heart for love again. Because whenever I find someone again, I feel like I will be more prepared or ready to love. I won't be afraid, but I will let it happen. I guess it's kinda like I was getting broken in. I don't know if that really makes sense or if you can see what I'm trying to say but I know what I mean... :)

My Smiling and Laughter is a Defense Mechanism

I talked to Martina last night, yesterday was her birthday. We had been talking for like 45 minutes and then there was a silent moment. She said, "Well, I'm glad to see you're in a nice cheery mood." because we had been laughing and joking. I sighed and said, "Well, really I'm not." because, I wasn't at all. For some reason, even when I tell people about Lamont's death this strange smile creeps up on my face. No, of course I'm not happy. I don't think it's funny and its not even a smile of relief knowing he's in a "better place" The smile is so I won't cry. I laugh and joke because I think that it will help ease my own pain. It doesn't. I want to help make other people feel better about it too. I don't know if it does that or not, probably not. I really can't help it though. So just to let you all know, when you see that smile, that smile is so full of pain. That smile hurts so so bad. That smile is filled with tears and questions of why I lost my love. The laughter is a mask. It is a wall so you won't see just how much it hurts. It's crazy because I even try to hide the pain from myself, if that makes any sense. I tell myself I'm fine, I don't need to cry, everything is as normal....But deep deep way deep down I know I am just lying to myself. Lying Lying Lying. But I can't help it.

Monday, October 27, 2003


I don't know what emotions to feel. I am sad. I am hurt. I am heartbroken. I am stoic. (ok, i don't remember exactly what that word means, but it sounds like it would be what i feel like.) i don't even feel like capitalizing my words. so i wont. my blog, do what i wanna do right? right. if i could really do what i want to, i would be talking to my love right now. not only talking to him, but he would be here with me and i would hold him so so tight and not let go and he would kiss me so softly and i would cry because i love him so much.....and he would say baby don't cry and i would say i can't help it my love and then he'd make me smile. i would tell him how much i love him and he'd say baby i'm so in love with you too. then he would kiss me some more. and if i had it my way, he would never leave. we would be together and i would be his wife and he would be my husband and i would have his children one day and i would cook for him and he would tell me how good the food is even if he didn't like it so much, cuz he wouldn't wanna hurt my feelings. :) but it would taste good though. if i had my way we'd be together always.

Rest in Peace My Love.....

I don't know how I'm gonna get through this blog because I have so much to say and I want to say it all at once but, that's not possible so please forgive me if my thoughts seem drifty.

Yesterday, I wasn't having a good day at all. My mother was seriously getting on my nerves, Symone was getting on my nerves, the pets were too. I went to church and was having a good time, then the saints started to get on my nerves. I was P.O.'d for most of the day. I could not wait until church was over to talk to my love and tell him about my day and have him make me laugh and forget about all the worries. We had 2 services yesterday and I wanted to call him between the 2 but he wasn't in Decatur yet. I talked to Martina though and told her to tell him I said hi and that I'd call last night.

When I finally got home for good, Mama checked the messages and told me Martina had called 3 times. The first message was around 1 something, after she had got out of church. The second was around 5ish and she said to call her as soon as I got the message and that it was very urgent. The last one just said to call her on her home phone and not the cell. Mama wouldn't let me just call, she made me do all this work first.

So finally I got to call. When she answered I was like "Girl, what's up?, what's going on?" because I was scared something happened to Lamont. She was silent. So I said again,
"Martina, what is going on??"
"It's Lamont...."
When she said that I froze. I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say, but I thought, "surely, everything is ok," but I knew it wasn't.
"Martina, what do you mean?"
"It's hard to say..."
"Martina, please...wait, let me sit's not what I think it is, is it? I mean, tell me what happened, please..."
"*Sigh* Elizabeth, Lamont is Dead."

O My God. That's all I could think. O my God. The tears began to flow down my face and I couldn't even speak. I just sat there, dazed and confused, in my chair, with tears running down my face. I didn't even want to talk to Martina, but I did because yes, Lamont was my love but he was her brother. They were tight like red beans and rice. They were so so close and I knew Martina wanted someone to talk to as much as I did. After I got off the phone with her, I talked to Sonia.

Now I have stopped crying but I know I will cry again. I told my mother this morning and she was quite sad because she could see how much I loved him. I REALLY loved him. He would tell me "I don't just love you, I'm totally IN LOVE with you, there's a difference..." I was so in love with him too. The last time we talked, he told me he wanted to 3way one of his boys so I could talk to him and I was shocked that he told his boys about me. He was like "Of course. I tell them 'This is the girl I'm gonna marry'" Martina would always tell me that he'd be all mopey and sad until he talked to me. He would always say " I wanna talk to my Elizabeth" He told me that talking to me ALWAYS brightened up his day no matter what had happened. As soon as he would talk to me, everything would be ok. He meant so much to me...

I love him in every way that a woman can love a man. From personal to universal, but most of all its unconditional.-India. Arie

I swear her music could be the soundtrack of my life. I would always sing him India. Arie songs. The last time we talked I sang a song called Beautiful Surprise.
It's like yesterday I didn't even know your name
Now today you're always on my mind
I never would have predicted that I'd feel this way, but,
You are a beautiful surprise

That's all I sang (i gave him songs in small doses, for his own good :), and he loved it. I wasn't gonna sing to him but he begged me, I mean, he was literally graveling. It was like he was begging for someone to give him back his shoes while standing in the snow. :) So I sang to my love...And there's so many other songs I wanted to sing to him. Like I told myself that when I meet him I would sing that old time song,
At laaaaast, my looove has come along.....
And then I would sing him Luther Vandross's
Oh, my love. A thousand kisses from you is not far too much..

Now I must just be strong and remember my love. I will always have a place in my heart for him, always always always. Even though my friends know that I loved him so much, they don't even know the extent of it.

It's interesting because me and Lamont had talked about this very same thing happening, and I told him that if anything ever happened to him that I would probably be angry with God, and that I didn't know if I could ever love like that again. He made me promise that I would never turn my back on God and that I would love again. He said if anything happened, that when I got to heaven, he would be waiting for me and we would dance toe to toe. -- Alright my love, when I walk through those pearly gates, you're the first one I wanna see after Jesus. Save that dance for me my love, don't you forget.--

Friday, October 24, 2003

Awwww YYYeeeeahhhhh!

Aww Yea, Aww Yea, *cabbage patch*. I fixed it!, I fixed it! *cabbage patch*

Yes!!! I thought my blog was doomed! Like I said I was trying to add comments and somehow made everything in my blog go away except for the last post. No links, no previous posts, it was crazy indeed. But I fixed it! I went in the template and messed around with the HTML stuff and fixed it!! I don't even know HTML!!! I think I would like to learn it though. Hm, who knows, maybe I have a future in computers....

But, please believe, I WILL get my comments section and I will do it by myself, no help, no nada. (I did it, I did it!....)

Aww Man

I don't know what the heck I have just done to my blog. Seems like I have erased everything prior to yesterday's blog and all of my links, but when I look at the template, everything seems like it is still in order. Apparently something is not. Hm. I know I can figure this out but maybe it will take some time. This all happened because I was trying to be cool and add a comment section. Oh! I think I know something that may work! I shall try to fix this problem....

Thursday, October 23, 2003

I'm in a bit of a rush...

I just finished a test in my business class. Not good. Today I had breakfast with Ashleigh, it was fun. We both skipped class *tsk, tsk*. I was only gonna skip religion but today I skipped Psychology too and who do I almost run into on my way to my next class? My Psychology teacher. Yea, it wasn't cool.

I talked to Lamont, my love, last night. We had a deep deep deep conversation. I really can't wait to meet him and be with him *sigh*. He is such a sweet and sensitive person. You really can't find a guy like him unless he's gay, and what good is that? No good at all. I finally found out, he's gonna send me some roses, isn't that sweet? I've never recieved roses from anyone. *tear* I do feel loved....

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Smoochie Smoochie

Yesterday I recieved the sweetest thing. OK, perhaps not the sweetest of all, but very sweet non-the-less. Lamont, my love, gave me a kiss! Ok, Ok, it was only a phone kiss, but still, it was so sweet!! I mean, when's the last time I got a kiss from anyone? Especially a male. Awwwww, that boy is too much, I'm telling you. There is just something about him... And you know what? I am a straight up sucker for sweetness! Man, he gets me everytime. Like if he wants me to sing him a song (which he LOVES), if I want to but don't feel as if I shoud (*ahem*) then all he has to do is put on that sweet sincere voice and throw in that "Please baby, please..." and I'm a singing fool. I absolutely LOVE when he calls me baby. *sigh* I tell ya, I'm a sucker. And man, I love talking to Martina because then I get all kinds of inside details! Yeah, those are nice. Like when she says "All he ever wants to do is talk to his Elizabeth. He always talks about you..." Man, I love that. Ole boi is crazy about me! Wow, me of all people. *sigh* *cheese*

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

The 80's Song that Fits Me Best

Sweet Dreams
"Sweet Dreams" (by Eurythmics)
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Which 80's Song Fits You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Got Beef

Ok, this has really been on my mind lately. Yes, I have beef. With who? McDonald's. (no pun directly intended.) Anyone who knows me well knows that my favorite item at Mickey D's is not the Big Mac, or the Quarter Pounder, or even the ever so popular McChicken. No, I am strictly a cheeseburger girl. Give me a single cheeseburger and you have made me a happy woman. Really. Now, my problem is this. McDonald's has a value meal with 2 cheeseburgers, which is what I usually get. (aka the #2) I only get the #2 because of the cheeseburgers, but I really only want one. Now, what I could do is get a happy meal (which is what I sometimes do..) but, um, they always look at me strange when I ask for a happy meal. I'm usually not happy with the happy meal anyway, because in addition to the meal not coming in the box with the golden arch handles as it did in the days of old (comes in a bag instead, how happy is that????), the happy meal has a small fry and drink. I need a medium fry and drink, and I don't think you can supersize a happy meal. So, if I just want my beloved cheeseburger and no fries or drink I have a problem. You see, the single cheeseburger is $1.15 (thank you Ashleigh). But, if I go to the dollar menu, I can get a double cheeseburger for $1.10. Something is wrong with this picture. What kind of world do we live in when for 5 cents more, I get less?? Somebody please tell me. Now, my good friend Ashleigh says, "Well you get more for less" but, I don't want more! I want my single, one thin cheeseburger. She says, "Then get the double, and take off the other patty of meat." No way!! That's not only a waste of time, but also a waste of food. Besides, it would mess up the whole sandwich anyway. You know it's impossible because the cheese is all stuck to the just doesn't work right. I don't know what to do about this. Why don't they just have a cheeseburger value meal? One cheeseburger and a medium fry and drink. So simple, so simple. I guess that would just make too much sense....

Fun Times...

So here I am, I cannot count how many times I should've been working and ended up blogging instead. Well, I guess I can add one more to the list huh? I didn't go to bed until 4:30 this morning and I woke up at 7. Horrible, I know but I was trying to work on an assignment for my religion class. I remembered about it at church. Now, I knew I had this assignment due for a long time, but i had just put it to the back of my mind. I didn't finish it so I'm skipping class to do the assignment. I plan to turn it in later to my teacher's office. We'll see how that goes.

Things are well with Lamont. I made him upset last night though. I didn't mean to but he said that if I sing him a song he wouldn't be upset anymore. So, in order to please my love, I sang a song. I'll just say that it lifted his spirits. *tee hee* I'll say no more.

Me and Sonia went to this buffet thing at Bone and well, I didn't enjoy it so much. It was pretty lame. The food was cold, not too tasty either. Nothing to write home about, but to blog about, yea. But hey, she paid and I was hungry so it worked out fine. I would go again, but it wouldn't be my first choice. I guess hungry college students keep that place up and running.

Speaking of buffets, me, Sonia, Karen, and Roc went to Maverick's on Sunday. It was fun, I always like to go eating with them.

Monday, October 20, 2003


Man, man, man. It feels like so long since I last blogged. Many exciting things have happened. Well, really only one major exciting thing. I have a boyfriend!!! *sings* Oh yea, Oh yea, He's mine, He's mine. (: Yes, Lamont finally asked me out! We were talking and I was telling him how I feel about him and he was like, man I feel the same way. So then he said:
"Would you...."
"Would I what..?" (cuz I knew what he was gonna ask)
Now, at this point I could've wrung his neck. I knew he wanted to ask me out, but he was scared. I'm like, man, don't be scared, just ask me, please please please!
So, finally after about 2 minutes of me saying "just say whatever you were gonna say." and him saying "But I'm scared of what you'll say.." he finally asked me. Of course I said yes. He was so happy and I was so happy too because I've been just waiting for him to ask. *Phew* feels so good to get that part over with. Now, in case you are wondering, no we still have not met. I know, I know, it's crazy but we will meet soon. One of these days...
I was talking to him last night and he was saying "Man I wanna meet you so bad... I wish I could come up there now."
Now, by this time it was around 11pm, thats what time I finally got home to stay. I was telling him no, you can't come now, it's late, don't you have to work tomorrow, you need rest, etc. Come to find out, he doesn't have to work today so it would be SO cool if he could come today. It is a beautiful day, it's supposed to reach 85 degrees. Lamont has a really nice car, it's a drop top, and it would be so cool to ride around with the top down..... Ahhh, feel the wind blowing though my...uh....headwrap. LOL. You get what I'm saying. So I'm gonna call him and see if he can come here today, even though something is telling me he's not gonna be able to.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Pet Peeves

Now, those of you who know me know that I have several pet peeves. Here are a few of them.

1) People who get food all over their mouths when they eat. This is the worst. For goodness' sake people, use a napkin! And HOW can people continue to eat with food on their mouths? Don't they feel it there?

2) Bad breath. I just realized this is a true pet peeve for me. Someone sitting next to me has very bad breath. And they keep breathing. Through their mouth. EAT SOME GUM MAN!!!

3) Non-matching. My teacher wears plaid shirts with plaid ties. Plaid + different Plaid= call the fashion police! Seriously, there is no reason to be going around wearing clothes that seriously violate the basic rules of fashion. I'm no high fashion person myself, but come on....

4) Not knowing the words to a song but singing it anyway. Now I know, we can't always understand the words, sometimes they are so mixed up and mashed together that they are nearly impossible to decipher but if you mess up the words to every need to stop singing.

5) Ashiness. Black people, we know we must always always keep our skin moisturized to prevent this. Yes, I know, sometimes we may go through mild periods of ashiness, and that is certainly understandable. But if you find yourself ashy consistently....Something is wrong.

Busy Woman

Nothing is really on my mind to blog about but I feel like I have a commitement to. It's such a shame, all day long I think of great blogging material, but when I sit down to the computer, it all goes away. Yesterday was so busy for me. I did't get home to stay until almost 11pm. First, I went to class which ended at 10:00. Then I had an appointment with my advisor from Project Rise. I raced home to find something to wear to work and was going to leave the car home for Mama, when alas, I discovered I had no money for the bus. SOMEBODY took my change, so I just took the car. Worked, and then after that stopped at home to get my bible study stuff and went to choir reherasal and bible study. I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. Then, after church, I went to Roc's house to help her with her paper. *few*, finally I got home to stay. I was dead tired but I knew I needed to study so I went in my room and.......well, I slept. I didn't mean too, I thought I was just going to lay down, but I was only kidding myself. I had a test today in Psych (that I hadn't studied for, shame on me) I think I really did bad, but hopefully I'll get a C. I have a paper due today in Business class. At least I think it's due today but I really hope it's not. Really. I have to go to work today until 8:30. I don't really want to but I can't wait to get my check, it's gonna be so good! It will help me pay the phone bill at least...*tee hee* Speaking of which, I am planning on calling Lamont today, I didn't get to talk to him yesterday. I did talk to Martina though, I feel bad because she thinks I never want to talk to her anymore, just her brother. However, that is not entirely true. I want to talk to her but, ya know, I wanna talk to him too. Anyway, tis all for now.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Ah, England

Tura, after reading your blog, now you have me dreaming and reminiscing of my times in the UK. I absolutely love and adore London, I could really see myself living there, or at least having some type of vacation spot there. I love everything about it! The smell, the way it looks, the way it sounds. Man, England is great.
Anyway, last night I talked to L. It was weird because it felt like I hadn't talked to him in a long time but I had just talked to him the day before, but only for 5 or 10 minutes. I was SO SO SO mad because just as we were talking and he was telling me something really really good, my father called. I was like "GRRRR" I was so mad. All I could think was "What the heck does this man want?" Dang, gotta ruin my conversation just to talk to my mother. I should've told him to call back. Lol, that wouldn't be right. He gets on my nerves anyway....
So, Lamont made me tell him my middle name. Oh yes he did. He was tryin to give me a guilt trip or something (him and his psychology self). He was like "You aint right for not telling me your middle name" My position on that is: If I tell you my middle name is L (which is what I told him), then that means my middle name is L. End of story. Nah, not for him. Then he started playing games.
Me: I don't tell anybody my middle name.
L: I'm not anybody, I'm somebody.
Me: Well, I don't tell 'somebody' my middle name.
L: I'm not just somebody, I'm a person.
Me: Ok, then, I don't tell people my middle name.
L: I'm not people, I'm a person.
He could've went on and on forever and he probably would've if I let him. I finally told him and do you know what this dude did? DO YOU KNOW? Of course not, so I'll tell you. He had said something to his mom and put me on hold for a second and when he came back he said "Ok, I'm back 'L.'" Now, in case you don't know, I'm gonna tell you now that the L that he said was not the letter L. No, this fool called me by my middle name!!!
I was like "OH NO YOU DIDN'T" Uh,uh, he must not know. Aw naw, I can't BELIEVE he just said that. SMH, that wasn't even right, at all. So, after snapping a little bit (but playfully) He was like "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." Yeah.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003


Ok, I gotta give some wassups (basically shout outs) to those of you who I haven't communicated with in a while
wassup-Martina? Man, I feel like I haven't talked to or emed you in forever. Drop me a line and keep your head up lil sis.
wassup-Therese? I really wish you could've come home for a fall break or something but when you do come home we absolutely have to do something.
wassup-Roc? I heard you were sick. I hope you are feeling better, tell Karen to come and doctor you up!
wassup-Ali? Man, I'm so sorry I did't have any time to hang, but next time it's on ok? Em me.
wassup-Kareisha? Same as Ali's. Too bad we couldn't see Dra. Parent but we will, we will. Thanks again for the music, you know I'm jamming!
wassup-Tura? I know, we talk online like, everyday but I haven't talked talked to you in a while, or at least it seems like it. I still luv ya, you know that. And yes, the ghetto squad will go into effect if the perpetrators don't
wassup-Tony? Man, you know we gotta get together and play some jams on our guitars right? Right. You work, I work, you're in school, I'm in school... And Lord knows what else you're up to so, um I'm just gonna keep praying about that. You still my homie though.

That's all for now, I must go to work.

I learned something today!!!

Oh, yes. It's really true. Today, in psychology class I was soooo bored out of my mind. We were talking about psychoactive drugs. Stimulants, depressants, hallucinogens....blah blah blah. I was literally falling asleep. But then we started talking about emotions and motivations. Yeah, it was some good stuff. Here is a brief recap on what I, Elizabeth learned today about LOVE.

Love is the strongest emotion.

There are 3 components:
-intimacy (closeness, a bond)
-passion (sexual)
-commitment (pretty self-explanatory, a desire/decision to only be with that person)

There are 7 kinds of love (this is the good part!)
Liking-only intimacy involved, a true friendship, a close bond
Infatuated-passion only, much like a one night stand
Empty-commitment but no intimacy or passion. i.e. arranged marriage
Romantic-combination of intimacy and passion, but no comittment. Much like how many boyfriend/girlfriend things are these days.
Fatuous-Passion and commitment, but no intimacy. Like if a man has a mistress.
Companion-No passion involved but there is intimacy and decision.
Consummate-Intimacy, passion and comittment. The "ideal love", very few achieve it. Harder to maintain than achieve.

Wow. That's pretty deep. I never would've thought of love as having so many facets like that. I'm gonna let you sit and turn that around in your head for a while.

Blog all the day long

I don't think I could do just that but maybe I could. I won't try. Anyway, I was really frustrated today. I have been lately, I'm not sure why but I think I know why. *Sigh* So much going on in my life, I'm stressed. I was in Ashleigh's car today and I snapped. I reached into my purse to get something, I don't even know what. I don't even know if I ever got whatever it was because I felt something slimy. Not good. Then, I smelled a nice fragrant scent and I was like "Oh, no, don't even tell me..." Yes, my lotion somehow mysteriously opened in my purse. I was highly upset to put it nicely. I started going off in her car, I mean just mad mad mad. WHO ON EARTH WAS IN MY PURSE MESSING WITH MY STUFF? That's all I wanna know so then I can chew their head OFF. Was it you Son'? I hope not. I'm thinking it was Symone. She is notorious for doing things like that. Man, I was so mad. The whole time Ash is just looking at me like er, Liz are you ok? Yes, Ash, I'm fine don't worry about me, I just had a moment, that's all. But now I'm fine. Now I must go to Psych class. Don't wanna go but we have a test coming up soon and I better be there. Plus I 'know the right thing to do....' Gr, why did you ever have to give me that line So'?

Monday, October 13, 2003


I wrote a poem today. I usually don't write very often, unless I am truly inspired and the urge strongly hits me. Yes, lately I have been getting "poetry fits" as I would call them. That's when I'll just be doing whatever and verses just come to me, bam, bam, bam like crazy. Some really good stuff too, but I never have anything to write them down and there's no way I can remember so they are just lost. Gone with the wind. Poof, bye bye. Quite sad, so much good material down the drain. Aw, man gotta stop bloggin now. Mother dear might start trippin. Good night, all my fine people. Sweet dreams. So' I was gonna call... for real, but I got in late. Sorry.


Man, I'm so relieved! I didn't have that math test today which is so good because I hadn't studied. We did a review today and I think I would've passed anyway but since it's on Wednesday now, I can study and get an even better grade. Yay! I was like "Thank you God!!" I'm at school now and I'm IMing Sonia. That's always so much fun. Man, I'm hungry. I don't know what I wanna eat but I know I need to start cooking more so maybe I will make some eggs and rice. Mmmm, sounds good. Sounds really good. Yes, that's what I'll do, go home and make some eggs and rice and enjoy. Symone better not ask me for none either. She's been at home while I've been at school and I know she's been eating. That's a given. Sonia tells me now that she doesn't want me to write her a poem. Truth is, I've never written a poem for anyone until today. I always write for myself and keep it to myself, but I would write her a poem. She says "don't waste your time" Waste my time???? No, my friend, if I write for you, you should feel very loved and privledged and just for that, I'm gonna write you a poem. Nah, now whatcha gon' do? Huh, huh?

Insomniac blog

Here I am again, up past midnight and at the computer. Am I tired? Yes. Will I be going to bed anytime soon? Probably not. Let me say something, I am so grateful my friends have meaningful blogs. I read some random blogs and I was like what the heck? They were kinda scary and very very strange. I wonder if that's what someone would say that didn't know me and read my blog. I mean, at least my stuff has content though. Right? Speaking of which, I have received a LOT of comments on my taffy apple blog. How can I blog about a taffy apple? It was surprisingly easy. You should do that sometime, just pick a random thing that you're thinking about and just let the thoughts flow. It's pretty fun acutally. I'm sad, I know. Anyway, I think Tura has started a revolution. Almost all of my friends who have been reading my blog now want to start their own. Very cool indeed. Question is: Tura, who got you started?
Today I went to Decatur. The church traveled to Grace Apostolic and the service was some kinda good. When we got there, at first I was like aww man, come on. There was only about 10-12 people in this church, and 3 were musicians, 2 ushers, a song leader and a pastor. That's 7 right there so you can only imagine the congregation size. But the Bible says where 2 or 3 are gathered together in my name.... Our church is small too, that's why my pastor has such a heart and a burden for the small struggling churches. Man, we got there and tore that service UP! I rode in Sis. Tiko's van and she said that if they called her up to do testimony service or something that she'd call me up with her. I was like nuh uh, not me but sure enough, they called her. I came. Roc went up there too. Now, if you know Roc and Sis. Tiko, you know they cannot carry a tune. At all. They can't stay on beat either. But it just goes to show that the anointing makes all the difference. That testimony service was off the chain! After that, yea, I had to get my shout on a little bit. Lol, Son' you should've seen me. Brother Bryant preached, man I love his preaching. He was talking about paying tithes and he was like:
"You told God that when you get this new job, you're gonna pay your tithes, but you didn't. Naw, instead you went and bought some new shoes and then had the nerve to come to church and shout in them. Talkin' bout 'I got some new Air Force One's.' Them's God's Air Force One's."
He cracks me up everytime he preaches, he is so funny. He is a true man of God, I really admire that. *sigh* I have a test in math and I don't even know how to work the doggone calcuator. I'm sure I can figure it out though. I have like 3 tests this week. Lol, I haven't studied in I don't know how long. I really need to stop this because I know the Lord didn't bless me with $20,000 in scholarship money to just blow school off. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away and I know that money will be taken if I don't straighten up. So, what I'm gonna do now is study my math and figure out what we've been doing for the past week or so and figure out how to use this calculator. Please people, don't shake your head at me, just pray. Lol.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Why oh Why...

Man, I don't know what to do/say/think now. So' told me today that he will have to transfer to the Chi. I was so sad I didn't know what to do. I mean, when I first "met" him (if you wanna call it that) I took a liking to him right off the bat. That was weird for me, but I just told myself, we'll see what goes on with this. Then, as the days went by I found myself falling deeper and deeper into this thing, at quite a rapid rate. But, I liked it 100%. The whole time though, I kept telling myself stuff like "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is" I filled my mind with all these crazy thoughts to make myself not get too attatched, but it didn't work at all. In short, as much as I tried to fight and deny it, I fell in love. I, Elizabeth fell in love. I was so CRAZY about dude that he was all I could think about (Son' you can vouch for me on that one). I mean, I could really see myself with this person. Then, the bomb dropped. "I have some bad news...I do have to go to Chicago" My jaw must've hit the floor. My head dropped into my hands and all I could do was sigh. Now, I know that I'm crazy and my thoughts are sometimes unrational, but I'm sorry I just don't envision a relationship working under such distance. I mean, Decatur seems like but an arm's reach away. But Chicago.... man. Yes, I can still talk to him online, yes, we can talk on the phone. Which is all we've done so far by the way. But man.... I feel like it's my fault for falling but I couldn't even help it. I feel so....I don't even know. I mean, I was so bad that after I dropped you off Son' I cried. COME ON! THAT'S INSANE!! Why the heck would I cry over someone I've never even met. Cuz I'm pitiful, that's why.

"Put that in ya blogg"

Yeah, ok bruh. Anyway, I'm so happy to be blogging right now. I've been wanting to since yesterday. I only blogged once yesterday, that's crazy! I couldn't blog more because mama was trippin about the computer so I said forget it. Now I have forgotten everything I wanted to blog about. Hmm. Oh, the other morning I took Sonia to work. At 6:00. Son' don't feel bad, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't love you. And you know thats the truth. I saw Ali and KaReisha yesterday, they came to see me at work. I felt so loved and special. I'm so sorry you all for not being able to hang out, really. I'm a busy woman.... Muchas gracias, KaReisha para la musica. Yo voy a bailar y cantar mucho. Es muy comico porque nosotros hablamos espanol pero, yo no creo que nadie mas que lee a este blog habla. Un dia, escribire un blog completemente en espanol para tu. JaJaJa. Anyhow, back to English, I wonder how many of you will just try to go to some online translator to figure that out. It probably won't work too good just to let you know. I talked to Tony today. He called me Libit again!! It felt so good to hear him say that, I feel like I haven't heard it in years. I miss him and I hope he gets saved again. I miss hangin out with him, wrestling and fighting. Yeah, I kick his butt of course. I was talkin about So' today with Sonia and he was like "Lamont? Who's that?" Sonia, I don't know WHY you told that fool what you did. You probably didn't even realize what you said. SMH.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Last night was so much fun. After church me, Roc, Karen, Sonia and Amber went to IHOP for a meeting for the youth department. I'm the secretary which is so weird because I am not very organized, but I guess I'll have to change. I would so much rather be the Treasurer. Money handling, yeah, that's more of my thing. But it was fun. Afterwards, riding home in Karen's car, we were acting so silly. She was bumping some Kirk Franklin from back in the day (Sorry Son' for using that phrase) and we were just jammin. It felt so good to be young and saved and to have saved friends. I haven't acted silly like that in a very long time. Yesterday when Sonia came over Lamont called. I don't know what to say about that, it was a bit odd. But not when I talked to him (he he). I loved how he sent me an em saying "come on, get online" that was so cute. He sent some pics of his family last night and man, they are all beautiful people. Oh, yea I got to talk to his mom too. I was scared she wouldn't like me or that I would say something stupid. But, she was cool. She sounds JUST like Martina on the phone, it was so weird. I shall be calling ole boi in a few minutes, once I finish blogging. Roc, em me sometime.

Friday, October 10, 2003

$2 shirt

Symone is rocking this $2 shirt that must be from the goodwill or somebody's garage sale or something. I have no idea where she got it but she refuses to take the $2 sticker off, she thinks it is so cool but I know she has issues so I just shake my head. Sonia is coming over today and we're gonna take some pictures. I have nothing to wear, I haven't done laundry in a while and I'm running out of clothes. Not like I can do my laundry at home....Noo, I'm the only person in the house who must go to the laundry mat. No justice. I really can't wait to take the pics but I also can't do ANYTHING with my hair. Those of you who see me everyday know that. Maybe I should get locks like my mother says. NAH! Even if for some reason I wanted them, I still wouldn't get them because I have talked about hers so much, and I know she would get on my case. So, now I'm gonna go and take a shower. Friday is the only day I can wake up and still not get dressed and everything until almost noon. Sad, I know but I need it. I must declare Friday as my happy, carefree day.

Un buen dia

Today was a good day. I only went to my religion class because I knew the teacher would be giving us what to study for the test. I decided to skip the rest. Then, I hung out with Ashleigh in the library. I was going to take the bus home when I saw Nicole, the girl from my math class. She ended up giving me a ride home. She's really cool, even though she's gay, which sometimes makes for strange conversation. Then, me and Ashleigh went to the homecoming pep assembly at BHS. Their senior skit was just like ours but stupid. The cheerleaders were still hoorible and the poms were still their typical selves. Not much has changed in a year... After that I went to work which was kinda long but it was alright. I ended up seeing Ash and Matt, Karen, Sonia, Tura and Robert all in one night. I saw some other people too, from high school and what not. I came home and talked to my father, he made me upset. He was talking about my dog and saying that he would tie her up outside if she was peeing on the floor in his house. Well, 1) that's not his dog. And 2) he doesn't live here anyway so what does he care? Yes, my poor doggy sometimes pees on the floor but she's not doing it on purpose. She's old and can't help it. And it's not like I don't clean it up. Anyway, after I talked to him I got online and talked to Sonia. She told me I better call Lamont which is what I wanted to do anyway... so I did. I love talking to that boy. He was telling me about a dream he had and I totally made a fool of myself. The dream was about him and his wife and he stopped and said,
"Now what was I saying?"

"Oh, ME and...ah, er, I mean..."

"You? I didn't say you did I?"

"Uh, I mean your wife ..."

'Naw, naw naw, you said you"

'Ah, I uh, ahm meant..."

Yea, I felt so STUPID cuz there was no way I could play it cool after that. I was thinking OMG what in the world made me say that??? He must've pulled some psychology stuff on me...right? But, it was cool with him. Real cool, so I didn't feel too bad. I can't believe I did that though. But, Lamont is cool. He says he thinks he remembers seeing me one time at Pastor Simpson's church. Hmm, funny, I don't remember seeing him at all. But I shall be calling my boi tomorrow. I already know mama will be chewing my head off when the phone bill comes, but I will smile for now and frown later. I will give her some money, but I've been wanting to get a cell phone anyway, now I just have more of a reason to. *Sigh*, Being a love-sick puppy (yeah, thanks Son') is gonna get the best of me.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Snippet of a poem that I'll probably never finish

I got mad because I couldn't take the car to work, I had to take a cab.
The Lord said "Child you just don't realize the luxuries you have"

That's from yesterday. I had the car but I had to leave it at home so that mama could take Symone to Sylvan and run errands, etc. So, I had to take the bus. I'm like fine, cool, whatever until I realized that I only had 5 minutes to leave the house and I wasn't even dressed for work. I got dressed in time but then I had to put my pets away and clean up a little before I left, which completely threw me off as far as time goes. I'm like, no, I can't be late for work AGAIN because I was late the day before too. So, my only option was to take a cab. I was so mad because if I could've taken the car, I wouldn'tve had to pay anything. Ok, so there's the bus, it only costs 50 cents. But noooo, my stupid butt had to miss it and pay $5 just to get to work. Now,$5 isn't that much but as broke as I am, I could've done a lot of things with that money. But God was just like you're blessed to be able to take the cab.

I think I'm gonna cry

Why oh why am I being such a slacker? It makes me so sad to think of what I'm doing to myself. At the start of this semester, I was all ready to go. I told myself I was going to work hard and study and get a 3.5 gpa, etc. None of that is happening. I am wasting my time because I don't study or do homework or anything! I'm just doing so many stupid things lately. Like now, I'm so very tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. I know I'll have to wake up in 5 hours or so but am I going to sleep? NO. I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow for English class and is it done? NO. Am I going to that class tomorrow (today actually)? NO. Am I going to be in my business class that I am currently failing? NO. In my time off of class will I be studying and catching up on my work? hmm lets see....NO. I can already say it now. I want to do my work, make good grades, etc. I know I can but something is wrong. Seriously wrong.

*sniff* no, i don't have a cold but there's a booger in my nose

LOL, makes me laugh just to think of that. Arg!! My cat is currently sitting on my lap for some strange reason and doesn't want to get off. That makes it very hard to type. Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing online right now. I should be in bed cuz it's 12:30 am but nooooo, I'd rather blog. So, while I'm here, let me give some shout outs to some of my high school amigas. KaReisha and Ali, I can't wait to see you all, I REALLY hope we get to hang out before you leave. Ali, as I said before, I knew you'd find someone new, it was only a matter of time. KaReisha, the whole roomate thing really sucks but you know what? That's just a part of the whole college experience. It doesn't seem like your roomate's friends are trying to disrespect you on purpose, so try not to take it too much to heart ok? Therese, stop rubbing your hands You are so funny, I love getting your emails and just seeing what's up with you. I don't know when I'll ever see you again but I can't wait because I miss you so much. I can't wait to go over your house again, that's always such an experience, there's always something cool to show me. And something good to eat (: Son' I really love you and I know you know that but I'm gonna have to help you out. You gotta slow down with your typing, check your stuff before you post. I know you gotta buy some stamps not some tamps, those could be 2 totally different things....Anjelica, girl I am so happy for you!!! Finally got out of the CHI, I know you're happy. Enjoy your time in ATL. KIT ok? Tura, it's completely ok that you're not impressed (maybe I shouldn't have said that. Sorry if I got you in trouble Son') with my *ahem* "love interest" as he is so called. That's cool but it makes me feel good to know you got my back if anything should go down...Much love for that.
I love you all and if anyone doesn't see their name here and feels that it should be, just know that I'm still thinkin about you ok? No, I didn't forget and I love you too. I hope everyone is dreaming sweet and pleasant dreams as I sit, blogging my heart out. Good night (morning) all.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Taffy Apples

We have some in our refrigerator. I really want to eat one but there is a problem. Since they are in the refrigerator, the apple will be quite cold and hurt my teeth. Hm. Now, I have to leave out for work pretty soon so I can't let one sit out so that it could warm up, but, how long does it take for a taffy apple to get to room temperature anyway? Hm. Even if I let it get to a decent temperature where the apple won't cause me problems, the caramel will surely be too soft. It will slide off the apple and I'll eat it cuz it's sooooo good. Then what? I will be left holding a nice, room temperature apple on a stick. That's no good. Although good, the taffy apple certainly has flaws. It's also not a food you can eat around your friends unless they have one too. You can't just sit there with your nice taffy apple, with the caramel and nuts and all......And leave your friend to see you enjoying it and leave them longing for a taste. Then again, you really can't share it. Some food like chips or candy you can share but not fruit. An orange, okay, yeah but not an apple. Certainly not a taffy apple either. Everyone knows you can't eat something like that without at least a little juice running, which probably includes some of your own slob. Sorry Sonia, but I cannot share a taffy apple, even with you. Even without the slob issue, you wouldn't want your friend to eat off all of the caramel or something. We all know that's the best part. If it wasn't we'd just eat apples. On sticks I guess.

Um, I didn't know you could have sex when you're pregnant

They say you learn something new everyday and that's what I learned yesterday. But I won't go into more detail. Anyhow, I must sigh because I feel like my life is in total disarray. I'm unorganized, but I know where everything is. But, my stuff is still a mess! I have been telling myself that I'm gonna clean my room for the longest but I just can't bring myself to do it. Mostly my bed is the only problem so i just lazily shove everything to the side so I can have a space to sleep. That's horrible! But I still continue to do nothing about it. Today I'm gonna take my dog to the vet. I'm so glad for Susan. Apparently she's had over 80 dogs, which is insane but hey, and she knew immediately what was wrong with Donna. Apparently my poor doggie has something called sage or gage or something that rhymes with age. I'd been wanting to take Donna to the vet but since I'm broke like a joke, I couldn't do it. I get paid this Thursday so Susan said I can just pay her back. Thank you Lord! I talked to my father a couple of days ago and he sounded really sad. I made him tell me what was wrong with him (cuz I got it like that) but I know he was still holding back.
Speaking of holding back, that reminds me of myself and I just realized this morning that God is doing just what I asked Him to. I had been praying to get closer and closer to him, and for him to teach me how to really pray and cry out to Him and just how to serve Him without holding back. Well, He is putting many things in my life to do just that. At first I was like 'what is all this craziness going on?' But now I can see, God is just saying that these things are gonna get me to pray more and fast, etc. Yea, God is really doing His thing.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

What is wrong with me?

I really know I'm pitiful. I really truly feel pitiful. Here I am, on the computer and what's my main reason for getting online? No, it's not to do research on my paper. That's what I should be doing. No, my main reason is not to check my e-mail or even to talk to my very best friend Sonia. I am pitiful because I'm just waiting to talk to Solex. Arg! What is wrong with me?
Ah, now I'm getting excited because someone just came online. Is it him? Let's see...No, it's Sonia but I'm glad to talk to her.

Stinkin' Paper-ARG!

OK, I just got out of English and yes, my paper was due. Good thing she doesn't take it in for a grade yet because then I would be struck. Really, I'm still struck because it will be due on Thursday and since I didn't have it today I can't get any peer revision on it. Not that peer revision really helps me anyway, I'm pretty good at the english stuff so I guess I'll have to be ok. But it's a 5 page paper and I have no idea how to relate my topic to values and practices and all this other mess. I will have to pray on that. Arg to Tura, I'm really hooked on blogging. I'm really proud of myself though because I figured out how to fix her link!! And I also figured out how to put Sonia's link on there too so check that out.

Quick blog

I got out of my psychology class a little early and have about half an hour to blog, well now only about 15 minutes. I'm so happy Sonia got her blog up too! I will have to call Tura because apparently the link to her blog doesn't work. Yes, I talked to Solex last night. Ahhh, that was good, quite good. The boi is so funny, and it's weird because he reminds me so much of me. He is really sweet. I talked to his sister too and she said "What have you done to my brother? I want to play and joke around with him but he just wants to talk to 'his Elizabeth'" Awwwww, I feel so loved. Of course, I know I am loved but now I feel especially loved. Hm, tis very nice. So Ali is coming home for fall break YAY! I know she will cuss me out (not literally) for not telling her about Solex but she's probably the only one I don't blab to about him. I could talk about ole boi forever, it's crazy. But now I have to go to English class. I really hope my paper isn't due because I sure haven't even started it. He He.

Monday, October 06, 2003

ARG! I'm a bit frustrated

Ok, I really have to get used to ths blog thing. It's not doing what I want it to which kinda makes me upset but I don't care too much. I wanted it to put my posts oldest to most recent for the times,but most recent to oldest for each date. That's probably confusing but I know what I mean. I really gotta say mad props to my girl Tura for helping me out. She knows HTML so she helped me hook my stuff up. I really appreciate it my friend! I owe you one. Right now I should be doing homework but I'm not. I'm doing this instead, why??? Sometimes I don't get myself. My mother made me mad again today. She's always so mad lately, it doesn't matter what I do so I just give up. Maybe I shouldn't try to do anything right. She gets so mad at little stuff like when I don't clean my room right away or if I forget to mop the floor. This makes her think I'm a bad child or something but she doesn't realize that what most people my age are doing is way worse than not completing various chores. I just sigh... Hm. I want to talk to Solex. I think I think about him way too much but I really can't help it. Certain things just trigger memories of him and then my mind is off... Man, I write too much. People wonder why I act the way I do, well, it's because I have all this stuff on my mind. I could write for days...

Yes, I've finally done it!!

Ahhhh, a sigh of relief. I did it, I posted my first blog. It was truly a struggle but maybe I'll just appreciate it more now or something...So this is what my life is like lately. I've been praying and fasting alot just trying to get closer to God. I'm saved and all but I know that it's time for some spiritual growth. God will do it.... Then there's school. Ack, I'm getting so tired of school, it's really getting old. I absolutely love learning but the whole classroom and homework stuff just isn't doing it for me anymore. I just sit there and the instructor just talks "Blah, Bleh, Blah" for the WHOLE time. I'm just like "Dear God can this be any worse?" Of course it could be. I could be in a country where I didn't have access to an education because of my gender or race or religion. But I'm not and I have to thank God because he provided the finances for my education. So, I shouldn't complain. But I definately do have to get on my studies. I'm slacking and that's just not acceptable. I'm one of those people who have so much potential but I let it go to waste. Such a shame. Ah, then there's Lamont, Solex or Robert, whatever you want to call him. I call him Solex. I guess I can say he is my man. Or boi as Tura would say. I really don't know if it's like official but the vibe says it is. I met him through his sister Martina (who is a really cool girl). Get this: Solex is 19, he's graduated from college, he's a psychologist, and he has his own house. How crazy is that? I still kinda have a hard time believing it. It's truly mindblowing. He's cute too....What more could I ask for? Thank you Lord. I love talking to him online. We haven't talked on the phone yet but he's gonna call me today and I can't wait. O and how could I forget the most important part? This brotha is saved!!! Yea, he's a keeper huh?

Please Work...

I'm going to try this mess one more time. They say the 3rd times the charm and if so then good because I'm really getting frustrated with this blog thing. I wanted to try it but I'm about to say forget it if this doesn't work. Here we go.