Sunday, March 25, 2007

Sunday Morning

Shortly after I woke up this morning, I got a call. He's always calling, and I have to admit that I'm often guilty of ignoring the ring. Sometimes talking to him is too much of a chore. I mean, how can a person who doesn't even speak that much English talk so dang much? I called him back though. I haven't really spoken to him too much lately.

I didn't expect him to invite me to church. An hour before it began. I quickly beautified myself (and yes, I did a good job), packed my clothes for work afterward and hobbled to the elevator in my stiletto sandals. Between the engagement party on Friday (silver strappy sandals), going out on Saturday (red Miss Sixty boots) and church today, my feet have taken such a beating this weekend! But I digress. . .

We went, and although I only speak a few words of French, and absolutely NO Lingala, I had such a good time! The music was good, people were dancing and making noise. . .now, I've had some good church, but this felt like a straight up party! I know Congolese people love to dance, and MAYN they were gettin it! It was funny cuz one of the guys I had definitely seen the night before at the club, doin that same dance!

I was glad I went to church with him. I like him because he's sweet, and I know he's capable of giving me the attention that I desire. I'm sure he'd probably do almost anything he could for me out of love, which is also what I want. I could break his heart though. Like his friend, P who I'd met waay before I met him. P had this vibe from the start that immediately caught my attention. Something that made me bite my bottom lip! But P was a friend of a different guy I was talking to. Was. But dang it if P isn't his friend too! Ok, yeah, P has a girlfriend (don't they all?) which makes him off limit anyway, but BAAABYYYY, if he didn't. . . He was interpreting some of the service for me today, sitting next to me, leaning in. I love a man who can give me information *wooh*. But I know what it would do to him for anything to ever happen between P and I. It would kill the man. But I digress. . .

The message was good too. The preacher spoke about God's favoritism. I was actually. . .inspired. I was inspired by the music, and the congregation's connection with their God. I was inspired by how the music and the praises to God made them so happy, you would think that they had no cares. Just singing and dancing and rejoicing and laughing. . .

I found myself unable to be as analytical as I am when I go to my own church, sitting quietly in the back watching everyone else. It just felt good being there, but I hate the idea of using God and religion as a mere high. Then I got to thinking. Maybe he, with all the weirdness that surrounds him, is my angel of some sort. Maybe he will be my connection back to God.


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

He Was Honest

He was honest with me. I asked him, and he was honest. In fact, I think I can say that in instances where I have asked him about anything, he has been honest.

But actions speak louder than words.

His actions told me that he was single and that he was attracted to me. Or at least that he was single and wanted some. His words said that he was attracted, so I wonder if that was truth also.

What does attraction really account for anyway?

I didn't trust him in that capacity. I don't think I ever did, because he had a reputation. But don't ask, don't tell right? Under the pretense that he was single, I was upset when I saw the pictures. I was UPSET. I thought to myself, how could he? How can he say he's single and talk all this sweetness to me when he's GOT a girl? How could he disrespect his relationship like that? I began to have flashbacks of all the instances in which I felt disrespected by his actions, things I knew he didn't do to spite me. Things he didn't even know I was upset about. Flashbacks of all the disagreements and misunderstandings, and this was to be the last straw. I was becoming increasingly angry, after all, I am his FRIEND. I know the kid. I knew I needed to talk to him.

So I asked him.

"What. . . is your relationship status?" "Well. . ." he said, "technically I'm in a relationship, but it's kinda not a real relationship." He said that it was somewhat like a friendship with benefits, but not that-because it was more. They hit a rough patch for a while and now they are. . .well, I don't really know what they are but he is not exactly single.

I told him that if he is in a relationship, be it 100% of a relationship or 10%, that he should not be trying to ''holla'' at other people. He should not be trying to holla at me. I told him that it was not appropriate. He said that he would not holla at me anymore. There was no attitude, he was neither indignant nor ig'nant. He just calmly said, "Ok" and that he wouldn't do it anymore.

I asked him, and he told me, just straight up. I couldn't be nearly as upset (although the anger had died down by this point anyhow). I didn't raise my voice. I can't justify his actions, and I certainly wouldn't try to.

We continued our conversation, me complaining about school, him encouraging me and not letting me make excuses for myself. He'll holla at me later. "You know, not holla, but I am gon' holla at you later." That's alright with me.