Sunday, April 30, 2006

Aww Hell to the Naw!!!

You done done it now.

You know what chick? This whole group project you have been gettin on my nerves. This whole time!!

It started with us not being able to agree on simple things, such as the wording on some concepts, and which things to include/exclude from different sections.

You condescendingly said, "Huh, you must be a perfectionist."
I would think that a group would appreciate that.

Then I really thought I'd had it with you when you said that because I told you we needed to change the wording of the questionnaire for it to make sense because everything that is written should make sense, you said, "Well, you're in the wrong major then."

What the hell? you gon' question my competency in my major? A major that requires a lot of writing, and I want to make sure that my writing makes sense? Oh no you didn't. Oh, but yes you did, however we still had plenty more work to do, so I was willing to let it slide.

Now I am really pissed. da. fugg. off. You gon' send me this email:

Thank you for sending the assignment to me, however i do not appreciate you altering my work. if you had a problem with it you should have contacted me. Also, the way you changed the limitations is worse than the way i had orginally done the assingment because you speak of an incentive which is not mentioned in the paragraph. Next time you decide on your own to change someone else's work, i suggest you contact them first. If you had wanted to do those parts in which i was assigned you could have done this whole project by your self. Understood??Sincerely,

Are you muthafuggin kidding me? First of all let me state that I could care less whether or not you care that I altered your work. I had problems with it, but hmm should I contact you at 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. when I'm working on it when it was YOU who complained that I even sent emails that late, as you wouldn't get to check them. Secondly, I changed the limitations section becuase the way in which you wrote it did NOT correspond with the rest of the project. It would have gotten us SO many points taken off, you think I'm not gonna correct it? It's not like I re-wrote the whole thing!! It's not like I even re-wrote it! As far as suggestions go, I suggest that you not speak to me like I'm your child. I am doing my best to refrain from using the B-word, cuz I don't believe in calling women that, but I am sure looking for an alternative. No, I didn't want to do the parts you were assigned, that's why I assigned them to you. And had I done the parts assigned you, I would still not have been doing the whole project by myself, but maybe next time I should.

Your pissed off group member

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Getting My Life Together

I am 20 years old. I need to get my life together.

20 might sound like a young age, I mean, it is the first thing after the 'teen years', but this is how I think of being 20 years old:

Right now I'm 20. Before I know it I will be 25, and 25 is not too far from 30. By 30 I should definately be established in my career, have a home, vehicle, possibly a family. If I don't have a hint of any of those things by the age of 25, then something is seriously wrong. If I don't start working toward those things by the age of 20, by the time I turn 30 I will seriously be screwed.

I mean, I should get my Bachelor's by the age of 21. If I follow my plan A, I will have my first year of Grad School done by 22, then my Peace Corps service will be done by 24, finishing my Masters at age 25. Having Peace Corps and a Master's degree under my belt, a job/potential career shouldn't be too difficult to get ahold of, so I give myself about 3 years to find that career that I will be at for the majority of my adult years. If I have my career by 28, I will roll into my 30's without any problem.

Well, at least hopefully not any problems career-wise. I mean, you've got your variables such as sickness, family issues, pregnancy, job outlook. . .etc. But if I do my best to get my life together now, those variables won't throw me off as much.

Now, at this moment in time, RIGHT NOW I need to get my life together on a short-term note. This time leading up to finals can potentially drive me to take medication if I don't manage my time well (I need to be on a Facebook diet) and get stuff done. For example, I need to work extra hard to read these 200 pages of a book about the theory of the evolution of the gay/lesbian rights movement as both an identity movement and a social movement. Yeah. And write a paper on it that' s due Tuesday. Yeah. So here's how I think about it:

If I don't read this book, I could still try and do the paper on it, and get another (yes, another) D, or I could not do the paper at all, get an F, then for sure not raise my grade in the class. I'd probably get a D out of the class, which would lower the GPA I'm trying to raise in order to get into grad school by the age of 21. . . .you can see where this is going. (Slippery slope? yes. I always do this.)

So basically, if I don't read this book I could seriously be messing up my chances of getting into grad school. That's how I think of it.

Hey, I'm 20. It's time. I gotta get my life together.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Yo-Yo (ma?)

I saw a commercial the other day for Duncan Yo-Yo's. I guess yo-yoing is trying to make a comeback, cuz seriously I don't think I've seen one YEARS. I used to have one as a kid, took me forever to learn how to use the thing. It just didn't work for me. Now I can yo-yo just fine, but none of that trick stuff, just up and down.

But I realized something while watching that commerical. My yo-yoing skills have evolved my friends. They have evolved into something that I would have never forseen.

I think I yo-yo men.

Don't laugh at me!! I can see you laughing, and maybe it is a little funny. Don't be shaking your head either. I just came upon this realization.

To use the yo-yo metaphor, the man, I'll have him in my hand, everything is cool. Then goes the execution. Give a "this isn't working" speech, and drop'em like a bad habit (except I'm still holding on to the string). I let that sucka GO, and the involvement plummets towards the ground.

Then. . . a week or 2 later I'm making that "what's up witcha, wanna get together?" phonecall. Going in for the re-collection. I'm taking it back up like the yo-yo idiot that I am, but just waiting and waiting for that next drop. *sigh*

Just a-up and down, up and down. I don't mean to, it honestly just kinda happens!

I need a support group. "Hi, my name is Eliz. . .and I. . I yo-yo men"

Hm, I guess while I'm at it I might as well learn some tricks right? :D

Monday, April 03, 2006

Ohana means Family

noone left behind or forgotten. . .

1. A group of blood relatives, especially parents and their children.
2. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

As far back as I can remember, I have had issues with this whole "family" concept. Yes, I knew who my family was, but something always seemed to be missing. It seemed like "family" as I knew it to be from TV and various conversations was this beautiful bond between blood-related people. It was something that consisted of love, appreciation, care, and unity. Mamas? No, you know you don't talk about nobody's mama! That's your heart. Daddies? You know they'll be there to play catch and have 'talks' with their sons and to (over)protect their daughters. Siblings? Hate'm and love'm, never let anybody (anybody besides you, that is) mess with them. Aunts/Uncles? You gotta respect them just like your parents, but they are usually either much cooler and let you get away with stuff, but everybody has that mean a** auntie and that crazy uncle. Cousins? Ride or die. Almost like having automatic friends and a crew when you need backup.

But family wasn't like that for me.

Mama? Hey fool, you don't even know my mama, shut up! Daddy? What daddy? You mean the one locked up or this mean dude who came to live with us? Siblings? Well, she is her Daddy's child. . . Aunts/Uncles? Maternal ones need medication. Step auntie is bourgeiose and saddity, uncle is cooler than a fan. Cousins? See ya'll next year at Thanksgiving *waves*.

Where is that solidarity? Where is that unity, that "We are family, nothing can keep us apart"? I missed out on that part.

I suppose you could say I became a bit "hardened" and came not to expect such an idealized family image at an early age. So when my mother and stepfather would try to do "family" things (you know, like eating dinner together, a family meeting, or something equally ridiculous) it was VERY uncomfortable for me. "WHY are you DOING THIS?!?" I would ask myself, and then become frustrated with this forced family activity thing. But while I put other things in my life to replace that "family feeling" I thought I should have been getting, I never denied my family its familial rights. After all, we are family.

All that being calmly said,


what did i do to you? hm? what did I fuckin DO?????? tell me that, because I think I deserve to know! And please don't give me that jive shit talkin bout "nothing" because it's not "nothing" that makes you take away my damn key when I live there!!! It's not "nothing that makes you take a family portrait without me in it!!

OK OK OK you know what? you say that you don't agree with some of the decisions I'm making in life. What you disagree with is me not coming to church, but you are not listening to my rationale!!! I have a rationale! did I say that i'm never coming back to church? hm? NO. but you don't hear that, cuz you're not listening. I see how you don't wanna deal with "folks who don't want anything to do with the Lord", and apparently you are mistakenly grouping me into that category. and that's it. I know if i was going to church every day right now you would be happy.

so i guess now you don't wanna deal with me. you took my key away. to me that says that you don't want me in your house anymore, that your home is not my home, and i am not welcome there. it's not even about the key itself, because the key is merely symbolic. and I could deal with that.

Today we were supposed to take family pictures. i was all dressed up. i made sure to make time in my schedule, cuz i know its something u've been wanting to do. i left my group meeting with work still to be done to meet you, and you didn't come to get me. I waited an HOUR. come to find out ya'll went ahead and took the damn pictures. sans me, the eldest daughter. three of us in the damn family, only 2 in the pic. that PISSED ME THE HELL OFF! Not only did you waste my precious ass time (cuz i have SO much to do!) but then you spit in my face by excluding me. talkin bout something happened to the car, and you didn't wanna drive over to this side of town. but you went ahead and drove to the mall. and you drove back to work after that. and you were driving around after work, even driving around on my side of town. try to appease me by dropping off the sewing machine, or trying to smash dirt in my face by showing me that the car is fine and woulda been fine enough to come get me like you were supposed to?

symone talkin bout the pics didnt look right. what you expect with a big ass HOLE (whether physical or mental) where I'm supposed to be!!!

I allowed my feelings to be hurt and let tears fall like a lil' biatch for about one and a half minutes, definately not more before I pulled myself together, cleared my throat and woo-sah'd myself to regain my peace. And now, i've blogged about it, and that's the end.