Wednesday, October 27, 2004

I don't care
I don't care
Right now I feel like I don't care
A-bout you
A-bout me
I don't care about anything
Not the grass
Not the trees
Not the fall
Not the spring
Not daylight savings time
Which I hate
Because its dark
And I feel so bad
Because I know winter's coming
And I hate the cold
Because you can't go outside
And everyone gets sick
And you have to blow your nose so much until it hurts but you stil have to keep blowing it unless you want snot running out of your nose which is so not cute, but then what are you to do?
I dont' care about anything
No, not me
No, not you
No, not work because my job doesn't pay me enough even though it is more than the job I was working before but I wanna quit this one anyway cuz I'm getting bored with the work, I'm just not feeling it.
No, not school because as much as I want a good future and all that jazz, I feel like I'm working so hard and there are freaking people out here who all they have to do is go to school and they don't have to work and they don't have any bills and i dont care where they get there money from but they dont have to do JACK but go to school and that is so not fair because here I am, struggling, trying to do so much because I want everyhting to go right but nothing is really going right and im tired all the time and i hate that, but i dont get enough sleep, and i dont eat right because i never have time to eat and when I do eat its a honey bun which has so much fat which is probably why I'm gaining weight AND i couldnt even turn in my paper that was due today because i tried to do it yesterday and i couldnt get it done at school and i couldnt get it done at home becuase of my possesed computer so i couldnt get online to do what i needed to do and i couldnt go ANYWHERE ELSE to get it done, so im just jacked up AND he doesnt accept late papers so that means im going to loose 50 POINTS and that is such crap but who can i blame.
I don't care about anything.
Not my clothes
Not my nose
Not my shoes
Not your blues
I don't care about annyyyyythiiiiiing.

Monday, October 25, 2004

THIS is one of the most hilarious blogs i've read in a long time. Ghetto humor and well written. A must read.
I hate you! you ate my post!!!!!!! WHYYYY

Thursday, October 21, 2004

sitting on the edge of my seat
thinking of what she has to tell me
mind is racing, anticipating
bad news, good news
i wonder whats going on
i wonder whats wrong
nothing is moving fast enough
i gotta do something, but i dont know what

Monday, October 18, 2004

Hey you, what you said was really deep. As a matter of fact, I went over it several times because it was so thought provoking. And I still wonder "what am I to do with you?" in a couple of ways. But I'm gonna just leave that alone.

I really don't feel myself lately. I think its a combination of being sick, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough, and school and work. I asked my friend what she did this weekend and she said "nothing!". Its strange because I found myself getting angry. She did nothing this weekend. All the crap I had to do and she was sitting home chillin and getting drunk. Not that I wanna get drunk, but it sure would be nice to just chill. Like now, I would love to be home sleeping; I'm mad tired and the weather is perfect for sleeping. However, there is always work to be done. I have sooooooooooooooooo much work due in classes, and since I've been slacking off lately, now I have to work double-time.

I can't even think straight. My memory and cognition seem to be so fuzzy these days. I think my brain is repressing memories for the fun of it. Even my vision is getting worse, what is this?? Sometimes I find myself holding my breath, and I don't know why. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, I am so not balanced now. I think I feel disturbed in every realm of my being, but I think at the core is the spirit, so maybe if I get that together everything will fall into place?

Sonia- you make me smile and cry. I love ya!
Tura- just because we haven't found the way doesn't mean we're lost.
Lauren- Wal-Mart lol what a trip
You- Don't do anything I wouldn't do. . .I know you'll be good ;)
Me- Slap yo'self fool.

Yeeaa, so I was gonna write a bit and tell you about my weekend, then I stumbled upon this blog which took up my precious blogging time. Now I must go to class. Really, this post was only so I could remember the link.

So how about this weather? it SUCKS!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Time Flies

Did you know its been a year since I started blogging?? That's craziness, I hadn't realized it has been a little over a year to date that I had started blogging. This is cool. So I decided to go back and read some of my posts from way back when, and after reading a couple of lines I decided against it. Let the past pass, I'll not bring up anything to perplex and potentially anger my mind. That's another story.

Anyway, this anniversary of sorts of my blog would not be complete without my blog mom, the one who essentially brought life to my blogging experience, who has recently returned and once again is a member of the blogging community. Cheers! to her.

I did Crystal's hair last night. I braided it and put some beads in it. I couldn't have that girl walking around looking like Animal from the Muppet Babies.

So guess what? I found this GREAT and absolutely wonderful college I would love to go to. Its called Knox College and its in Galesburg. Please click on the link and tell me what you think. Ohh, this college has that feel of being "The One". Its expensive (30,000) and its "highly selective" but we shall see what happens. Should I dare to be hopeful? Yes.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Can you be a part of my life? can you be a part of my life?

Oh it's easy to find someone to play with
and almost anyone will do to fill your idle time.
but that very special someone you can share all your dreams with is so hard to find
And it used to be like me to settle for the physical
but these days it ain't too easy to make up my mind
cause apparently your body just to temporary to take up my precious time

See I've got to know that
that I can be free with you
and you've got to show that
that you're worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?

And I know that it looks good, but can you be a part of my life
and I'm sure that it feels good but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good but can you be a part of my life
I've got to know, I've got to know ohhhh. . .

I still appreciate the beauty of a man
but there's much more to what I need now than what meets the eye
and if beauty's only skin deep then your pretty skin won't send me to my highest high
oh it's been a long time come for maturity
and I believe that it's truly what it has to be
cause as much as I admire you
my sexual desire ain't controlling me


Once again, India.Arie has captured the true essence of the situation. Can he be a part of my life, cuz if not, then why am I wasting my time? We've had our fun, but now I need something with more substance. "Can you stimulate my mind?" And if he can be a part of my life, then its high time that we do something about this, because right now I feel like this is some Jr. High stuff. lol maybe I should have him check a box YES or NO cuz then I would have a straight answer and not be guessing. *sigh* I'm too old for this.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

My good news

Ok Ok, do you want the good news or the bad news first? I'll start with the bad news.

I put in this application for a scholarship to go on a leadership conference through Project Rise. I was so excited, its at this resort in Wisconsin and it lasts 3 days. So, I put in my application, and wrote a really great response to all the questions, I was psyched.
So I was at work, talking to Tiko and she told me that she had gotten her acceptance letter. I called home, and my letter had come too, so I had Symone read it. I could tell she was reading ahead because she kept pausing. . .
"Dear Elizabeth, thank. . .you for submitting. . .your application. . . .to the. ."
"Come on Symone! Read it!"
"Ok, OK! to the MAEOPP leadership conference. . . .ohhhh, Elizabeth. . "
"Unfortunately. . ."

That was all I needed to hear. So I didn't get to go on the Leadership conference.

Faye, the director of PR called me into her office yesterday. She asked me if I'd gotten my letter about MAEOPP. I told her yea, and she knew I was upset about not getting selected to go. Then she said

Yea, well we didn't send you to MAEOPP because we're gonna be sending you to Central America.

Yes, they are sending me to Central America this summer and I am so much more than excited. WOW. Details are forthcoming my friends.

Monday, October 04, 2004

I'm feeling much better, Thanks

I was really down this past week, just going through this and that, and then the whole Sonia thing, then the whole mother thing, then the whole Max thing. . . when the sh** hits the fan right? But now I feel much better, I know somebody is praying for me.

I've been thinking lately. Thinking about how when I was younger, I'd say starting 5th or 6th grade, I would pray continually for God to make me someone who others would be able to see His light shine through me. That was the true desire of my heart, I wanted to be a open and willing vessel, for whatever He wanted me to do. I wanted people to look at me and see Him.

Well, they do say be careful what you pray for lol. Part of the reason I was so down and frustrated was because I know that God has made and is still making me into that person. A part of being saved and living holy is being sanctified and set apart. I can't be like everybody else, and that has its moments when it sucks. It is a huge privledge and responsibility to live a Christ-like life, but it seems more like a responsibility. How can I lead anyone to walk the straight and narrow road when I'm drifting? A lot of times people in the church will say "The world has nothing to offer" but as my pastor says, it has plenty to offer, but what is it worth?

So I'm trying to live by the scripture: Romans 12:2 - And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. But its so hard, because I always have to be on my P's and Q's (what does that stand for anyway?). What I do is not only a representation of me, but of my church, of my faith and my God. So if I cuss you out, how does that make God look? If you see me at a party juking away and having a good time, what reflection is that on my church? If you know me to call myself "saved" and you see me wearing skimpy clothes and running around with this boy and that one, what impression does that leave you of salvation?

But sometimes I feel like I wanna be able to make mistakes without being a mis-representation of what is good. Not that I wanna go out there and do bad things, but I don't always want the pressure of continually carrying the name of my Saviour, which I know is a privledge in itself. Its almost like living under a magnifying glass, everybody is always watching what I do and say, even though I may not realize it.

So I feel like I wanna be free.
Romans 6:20 - For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness.
Thats not the free I want.
Romans 6:22 - But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life.

So lets see, free from righteousness, nahh. Free from sin, holiness, everlasting life. Free from sin seems to have some good benefits. So I guess I'd rather be free from sin and be a servant of God. Being that servant, I know I have my duty to live this life and let His light shine thru me. Its worth that everlasting life.