Sunday, November 30, 2003

September 27th People?? Hmmmm
I got this from a very interesting book

9/27 people usually function very well in real terms or in the eyes of others but may nontheless be plagued by doubts or insecurities. Perhaps this comes as a result of expecting too much of themselves, and in their quest for perfection (they have a tendency to play the hero or martyr) may grow depressed over their inability to completely live up to the impossibly high goals they have set. If those born on this day could lower their standards a bit, or be more accepting of human failings, they would indeed be much happier, but perhaps less exceptional. Because of their fear of failure, and insecurity at a deep level about their natural abilities, they are driven to succeed. Slumps and depressions are not at all uncommon. During these times, 9/27 people may need the support of a good friend, family member, or counselor to remind them of how they are valued and help them to be more at peace with themselves.

Libra 1 (A Libra 1 is in the first half of the Libra 'season')
The Libra 1 takes the perfectionist as its central image. Libra 1's are among the most talented and attractive people of the whole year. It is strange that with so much going for them, those born in this period are often curiously unable to advance as easily as they wish in life. Also, their emotions can be very unstable at times and if not moderated can undermine their efforts. Libra 1's have a high code of honor which they seek to uphold in their conduct. Rarely will they transgress their principles or personal notion of morality, but nonetheless can be extremely subtle in masking their true point of view or intentions behind an ironic or satirical facade. Others may believe they understand Libra 1's only to find out that they were deeply mistaken.

Monday, November 24, 2003

Working, Working
I've been putting lots of work into my blog lately. Way more work than I have on my English papers. But, it looks tight don't it? Yea.. I'm not all the way done with it, gotta add some links and fix the 'about me' section. It's been hard work (especially not knowing html) but quite rewarding. Tura, I know you said you took a class on html or with it or something. If you have any books or anything, can I borrow them please?

Now I must go and take care of Puddin. Adios
I don't wanna be cold....
I have to go to class today, but I only have one. Mama took the car so I have to take the bus (which reminds me, I'll need change). I don't wanna take the bus because that means I have to walk like 5 blocks to the bus stop. In the cold. Then, when I get out of class, I have to go to Puddin's house to sit with her. She just has gastro-bypass surgery and she is not supposed to be doing too much. But, I dunno how I'm gonna get there. If it was nice, I wouldn't mind walking, but it's freakin cold! And her house is too far to be walking in this weather. I think I'm sad now, because of the snow and the cold. The high is only 30 degrees! That's below freezing!! I don't even have any gloves....
Woe is me.
Let it cease, Let it cease, Let it cease.
No, for real, let it cease.

This morning I woke up, and lo and behold, it was snowing. For those of you who don't know, I hate snow. With a passion. "Why?" Some may ask. "Snow is so pretty, snow is when you know winter is really here...." Puhlease, snow is not all that pretty, and as far as winter goes, I hate that too. Here is why I hate snow/winter.

-Both are way too friggin cold.
-Snow is wet.
-Snow gets dirty too fast.
-Once you step in it, it's over.
-Winter-too much clothing.
-Everything is dead (i.e. trees, grass, nature in general).
-Snow=salt and salt trucks=messed up boots, shoes, cars.

That's all I can think of for now, but I think you get my point.

Sunday, November 23, 2003


Alright, I have decided to change my blog once again. Sorry for those of you who did not see how pretty it was before. (basically everyone except KaReisha) *tee hee*

Saturday, November 22, 2003

Heh Heh Heh

Ok, it didn't take all night, in fact, it only took me about a minute or 2 after that last post. Now, to hook up some more and then to post more.


I'm trying something new with my blog. This may take all night.....

So not funny

Whatever happened to MAD TV? It used to be so so so funny. Now, it's just vulgar and stupid. They make fun of Shaq way too much. I miss the first seasons. I'm MAD at how they only have Deborah Wilson playing these ghetto girl roles. So distasteful.....

Hilarious Person of The Day: Ola
"Your man had a man on the side..."
That was TOO funny. 2.

Every time I watch MAD TV I tell myself I'm never going to watch it again. But I keep trying to give it a chance. There is no hope.

Sonia has a boyfriend. LOL!

Apparently, Brian thinks I'm deep. I think that's good, I think I'm deep and I appreciate when others can see into my deepness. However, I don't know if he thinks my deepness is a good thing. I don't really care though.

Next week=Thanksgiving Break. WooooHoooo!

I saw Larry the other day. He has a nice body. No, don't get me wrong, I'm not into him at all. AT ALL. But, I gave him a hug and I noticed he has a nice, solid figure. Some muscles, but not too much. Not skinny, not fat. Could be taller, but hey, I'm not tryin to get with him so I don't care.

I'm going to my Grandmother's house for Thanksgiving, I can't wait to see all my family. I haven't seen most of them since Daryl died. It will be good. I hope everyone is there, especially my cousin Anthony. I love him so much!! We're the same age and we grew up together, but I haven't seen him in like, 6 years.

OK, does SNL really think that making fun of Donatella Versachae is funny? I could see if she was a person who was really in the media's eye, or if she was well known, but she's not. I bet most of the people watching the skit on her wouldn't even know who she was unless they said her name. What we need is a good comedy show. Remember In Living Color? That was the show back in the day!

Speaking of shows that were good back in the day, Soul Train would most definitely be on the list. That's where I learned how to dance, well, that and the Fly Girls on In Living Color. Hm, what's another show? Small Wonder-The girl who was really a robot. ALF-Alien life form, who can resist? He was so funny and sarcastic. *sigh* Oh, when TV was good...

Friday, November 21, 2003

Check this one out

Why studying is worthless.
Because :

No Study = Fail ....................... ( I )

Study = No Fail .................... ( II )

By Combining ( I ) & ( II ) :

=====> ( No Study + Study ) = ( No Fail + Fail )

By Taking ( Study ) as a common factor in the left hand side
And Taking ( Fail ) as a common factor in the right hand side

=====> Study ( No + 1) = Fail (No + 1 )

By Dividing both sides by ( No + 1)

=====> Study = Fail

posted by Xuan

Thursday, November 20, 2003

I feel like singing

Well, mostly I feel like sleeping. MMMMM, sleep...

I'm online and noone's on. So I'm bored. I dont wanna go to my Psych class because I am deadfully tired and I know that I will just sleep. The teacher gets mad when I do that, although she never says anything. I feel bad too. Like this morning, I dozed in my World Religions class. oops. sori, didn't mean to.

Talked to my Grandma last night. She is sending us tickets to come and visit her for Thanksgiving, but I don't know if I'll be able to go. I may have to work the day before and/or after, in which case, I won't be able to go. I really want to though, all my family's gonna be there. My grandma, my greats, aunts, uncle, cousins all of them. I didn't get to go last year either. Symone was mad because everyone was like "Where's Elizabeth??" the whole time. *tee hee* my family loves me....

I got to talk to KaReisha the other night online. We watched tv together!! 'twas fun.

Other than that, I'm getting a little worried about my English papers. I need to pray about that.

I wonder if anyone is secretly in love with me. hmmm. Don't you hate it when you like someone for a long time and then you stop or whatever and then come to find out later on that they liked you too? That gets on my last nerve. Or when you know 2 people who really like each other alot but they don't know that the other person likes them, so they never hook up? Gah!

I need to start playing my guitar more. The last time I was at Tony's house he was playing his guitar and then he handed it to me and was like "Ok, show me what you can do." heh heh heh. Silly boy. I didn't show him jack. Then, he came over the other day and I let him see my guitar (he hasn't been over since I got it). He really likes it, he was like "Man, Libit, this is a nice guitar" *ahhh* Yes, I know, I know. He plays well, but I will really be glad when he starts playing at church.

Yay! Sonia came on so I get to stop rambling.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Question of the day

Is it better to be a quitter or a failure?

Now, I want you to really think about this one. Don't just give any answer, really ponder on this. Like, if you are doing something, and you feel that you wont succeed, should you try anyway if you know you will fail, or should you quit before you fail??

Makes you think huh? Let me know your opinion, either leave a comment or email me.


Ok, you know what??? You all need to start leaving some comments. I (and Tura) worked hard to try to figure this comment thing out and lo and behold, it is of no use. Come on my lovely people, leave a comment even if it is something as stupid as "lol" or just anything. It really means alot to me. Really. And thank you so so so so so much Tura for helping me with that. I don't know if I ever told you thanks, but now you get your props. Let's give it up for Tura *applause* *woot woot*!

This song hits the mark

"What I Always Wanted"

Opened up it's revealed!
Savour this
Dont get lost in a lie!
Hit or miss
Beside, myself, push on
What's to come must be proved
Focus bliss
Charcoal stares
One foot at a time
Smear those lines
I thought I found
What I always wanted
Bear with me
I thought I found
What I always wanted
Bear with me
Is not at hand
I can't keep my eyes open
Chose not to listen
I thought I found
What I always wanted
Bear with me
I thought I found
What I always wanted
I got what I wanted
I got just what I always wanted
I got what I wanted
I got just what I always wanted

-Maybe I just got what I deserved. No, noone deserves this. "I chose not to listen" that is so true. "I thought I found what I always wanted" Ha. Silly me. "What's to come must be proved...."

Strangely Saddened

I woke up today and I was fine. I came to class, took a test in my religion class and was ok. But now, I've been hit with a strange bout of sadness. What am I sad about? I don't know.

Sonia-I think I'm upset about that one thing we talked about last night. I think I'm more upset than I think I am. WHY???

Martina-You are crazy.

Tura-We need to hang out sometime.

Anjelica-I was so excited to get your e-mail!

KaReisha-Girl, I know you have been calling me but seriously, I have not had time to call ya. Plus, I have to find your number. And I didn't get your e-mail with your screen name but I got it from Tura.

Therese-I miss ya! alot.

Ali-You are home alot...That's good because then I get to see you! One of these times we're actually gonna get to do something.

Monday, November 17, 2003

It's Over!!

The last day of the anniversary was yesterday, and let me say thank God it's over. It was lots of hard work. Lots. But it was "good good good, good so very good...." Every night was good but the opening and closing nights were the best. Lemme tell you what happened last night though.

I was getting ready in the back, getting ready for the praise dance that is, and I was so 'flustered' (I guess you would say) because we didn't even know what dance we were gonna do. Then Roc said we were doing Jesus Let Me Touch You. That's not the dance I wanted to do. I wanted to do Open Up My Heart. So, just as we're about to dance, House of Prayer from Kankakee came. By this time we have a full house. I was getting mad because now we have to dance in front of all these people, the girls don't really know the dance that well, we're gonna mess up, they're gonna look at us crazy..... All these thoughts were running through my head.

So, I knew we hadn't prayed together so I started to pray before we went out. I prayed that the dance would be anointed and that the Lord would have his way. We did our little intro and I was still a bit flustered but I kept praying. We were waiting for the music to start and I was praying praying praying.

We started the dance and it was going fine. We weren't even half-way through it when the music just stopped. STOPPED. I don't know if it was the CD or the radio but it just dead stopped and there was no hope for it. The prase dancers were just standing there, arms outstretched from "Sometimes to me you far away...."

We were just standing there, not knowing what to do. So, I started to sing the song. "And I wonder how to make it through the day...." And I sang the rest of the song until the end of the dance. Don't ask me how I did it because with that many people and no mic, AND I had a cold on top of that. Man, I know it was God. But, we finished the dance and it was anointed and God did have his way.

So you know I had to get my shout on after that. Martina, now why did you hold back your shout girl? I'm not too happy about that one....

O yea, so I got to see Martina again yesterday. That was cool, but I really wish I woulda got a chance to talk to her more. But it was cool just to see her again. Her and her *AHEM* "friend". Friend, like I'm supposed to believe that. Uh huh, we'll see about that one.

Anyhow, church was good and I'm glad the anniversary was over. It was quite stressful. This is how my day would go:

Go to class, go straight to work and put up with their mess, go straight to church (sometimes eat in-between), when I get to church, lead worship, lead praise, run to change my clothes to dance in, dance, run to put on a robe to sing in, sing with the choir, change back, sing with the group, go downstairs to help with the food, serve the guests, serve the pastors/ministers, finally sit down to eat, clean up after everyone leaves. *PHEW*

So this week I get to concentrate on my school work. YAY! lol

Thursday, November 13, 2003


Ok so yesterday was a great day. I didn't start out great, but by the end it was. I got so mad at Mama yesterday, she was trippin on some straight up stuff! Man, I was so mad at her and I was already stressed.... I was seriously about ready to cuss somebody out, for real, and youall know I don't curse. Ever. At all. Ok, well I used to but I haven't in years....

I went to work and it sucked. I saw Tony though, that was the highlight of my day that far. I love that boy! we used to be so close, that was my little brother. We've drifted apart but I still love the boy. We really need to spend some quality time together. Anyhow...

So I was at church and I was all mad. I went to pick up Sonia for church and I was all mad. I went to Walgreen's and yes-I was mad. Sorry Sonia about my driving. Hope I did't scare ya. I went to church and was snappin on the saints. That was bad. I mean, I was really really really mad. Grr.

Then, on top of that I could hardly sing for church. We started out and we were having worship service and I was getting so mad and annoyed because here I am, up here singing and the people in the audience are sitting, twiddling their thumbs, playing with babies, staring into space. But I felt the spirit and I knew that if we kept going it would pick up.

So we kept singing, me with my hoarse self and Stefanie and Sequita and you know what, the spirit did finally get a-movin. And it was good.....

We ran worship and praise together and I'm up there with no voice talking about "What kinda church is this" "It's a sanctified chuuuurch...." Sounding like a singing frog. It was cool though. The message was good too. ROAR!!

So really, all in all, it was a good service and that made my day better. I was tired by the end of the day though. We didn't leave the church till 12:15!

Wednesday, November 12, 2003


There are many different types of love. I need some. I feel loved, and I know that I am loved, and I do love, but I need more love.

Today the weather is nice again, no sun though. I love sunshine, it really brightens the day. I was in class and a little bit of sun came through the clouds and was shining right on me. I felt special. I felt like it was saying "here you go, a little sun for you to brighten up your day." I love the sun.

Favorite clothing item: My black pants. I have 2 pair and they are quite similar although both are not quite right. One pair is too big, the other pair is too long. But, I rock them and man do they work for me. They are so versatile! I can wear them to work and dress them up with a nice shirt and shoes. If I am in a bumming mood, I can rock them with some gym shoes and a hoodie or a t-shirt. I can even put a skirt over them and wear them to church. (That's right, skirt and pants. It's my monday night and wednesday night style. You have to see it to believe it. Nobody does it quite like me.) As far as them both being not quite right, well thats how many of your favorite things in life are. Like a child's favorite blanket, it may have holes, stains and rips galore. A favorite bunny may be missing an eye or an ear or most of the stuffing. Your favorite person may be a little crazy or maybe looks funny but you love them reguardless. Its the imperfections that make us.
(That was good huh? lol)

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

I feel good

Ok, I felt bad before, but now I feel good. I went to my Psych class and English (even though I was really tempted not to). I'm pulling a C in Psych. Not too proud about it but I thought I was doing worse. Turns out I got a B on the test that I actually studied for, that was great. I have hope of getting a B in the class if I do well on the paper/presentation that is due in like 3 weeks or so.

English, well, I thought I was gonna fail. In class we are on the 4th paper and to tell you the truth, I have only done the first. Sad, I know and so unlike me. I talked to the teacher today and I'm so glad I did well on the first paper, I think it gave her a good impression of me and anyway, she is going to give me a chance to do my papers!! That put me in good mood because if I would've failed that class, not only would I have wasted months of time, I would've probably lost my scholarship. $20,000 down the drain!! Not good. Not good at all. So, I'm in a good mood about that. Getting the chance to do the work that is.

Also, the weather was nice today. It rained a little bit, but I'd rather have rain than snow anyday. I didn't even have to wear my coat! So overall, twas a good day I guess.

I feel so bad

Man, I'm sitting here blogging and this guy next to me is working so hard on his English paper. That's exactly what I should be doing, but I'm not. That's why I feel bad. Not too bad though...

I talked to Martina last night. --Hey, girl, I wanted to call you back but I was preoccupied. No, for real, I was-- Man, I cannot wait until she comes to Bloomington. Even though we'll be at church the whole time, it will still be so good to see her! I'm excited.

My stomach hurts and I don't know when my psychology paper is due. Man.

I stole some tea from Sonia's house, for some reason it tastes better than the tea we had at my house before. I made some this morning but it doesn't have enough sugar. Too bad huh?

Life has been really heavy lately. I feel needed by many. Many of my friends lately are really going through and I'm so glad that I can be there for them just to listen or to give advice or to pray. That's about all I can do.

We need to have some fun. Some downright, act a fool fun. At least I know I do. Martina, you need to get your butt up here soon to spend some quality time with your big sister and have some fun! BHS alumni, (he he, we're alumni, how does it feel?) you know we gotta get together during break and hang out. I'm tellin ya, we should have a party. At Therese's house yea! I swear, that's the best spot....

Anyhow, I must go to psych class now. Hope I don't go to sleep. lol.

Monday, November 10, 2003


I found 4 dollars today! I was all down because I thought I was broke, but I was getting something out of my purse and I found the envelope from the drive-through when I went to the bank last week. It was had a little weight to it so I opened it, and lo and behold, I found 4 nice green $1 bills. That just about made my day. I wonder how long they will last....

I keep sneezing. Sonia gave me her cold and it is causing me nothing but trouble. But now I must go and meet her. By the way, I am blaming her for not going to class today. He he.

Friday, November 07, 2003

Just thinking

I'm so sorry Son'. Tonight Son' really wanted to talk to Brian and I was even gonna play operator for them... but Anjelica called. Poor Son', she hasn't talked to Brian in 3 days and she is going crazy. But, she wil be fine. Man, it was so good to get to talk to Anj. again. She is down there in Alabama with all that good weather. She said that today it was in the 90's! She was wearin shorts, a wife beater and flipflops. Oh, how I miss my beloved flipflops! I tell ya, I wish I could wear flipflops all year long.

I feel the need for companionship.

That was incredibly random.

I've been thinking lately, I enjoy people who are just random. Like this boy in my english class, I have no idea where he got this from but he just asked this guy "have you ever lactated?" That struck up our whole corner of the room to talk about male lactation, and it was great! The convo was so funny and that really made me realize how much randomness can be fun.

I've also been thinking about words. I feel like, as far as slang goes, I use the same words all the time. Dude, man, dang, 'fa real', crap, its just gettin old. So I'm gonna start just making up my own slang words. I don't have any examples because I haven't made up any yet, but they will be good.

One more thing I've been thinking about is the 'hello' of phone answering. Why is it that we say it "Hello?". Hello is not a question. What are you asking when you say hello? Nothing. So I'm gonna start answering the phone with "Hi" or "Hello!" lol, that will be so funny. What would you do if you called someone and they picked up the phone and answered with "Hi"? That would be so funny because then the person will think you knew it was them that was calling. Well, I think its amusing anyway....

I"m going to bed now....


Today is Symone's B-day. She's gonna be 12. She's got some friends coming over-just great.

I gotta go to work today and I'm wondering why the heck did I tell them I'd come in today? Friday is my DAY, its the only day I have completely to myself to do whatever I want. If I wanna sleep past noon, I can. If I wanna go run errands, I can. I can do whatever. But no, they asked me to come in and i stupidly agreed. I guess I need the money....

I cannot wait to see all my friends when they come home for Thanksgiving break! We shall all have to get together. We should have a party! Yea, that would be so much fun!

I'm getting sick (thank you Sonia, thanks alot). It's settling in slowly and that scares me. The musical is next week and I'm not even gonna be able to sing right. I kinda hope the group isn't singing because at least with the choir I can kinda lip-sync, but with only 4 people, that's not possible.

I talked to Brian last night. He apologized for what he had said to me, but said that he doesn't take it back. What did he say? You really wanna know? This is a direct quote.

"Man, you stuck up. I don't even see how my brother could like you."

Oh yes, that's exactly what he said. Let me tell ya, those words ring in my ears everyday. That really really hurt me. Really. In fact, that is the most hurtful thing anyone has said to me in years. Now, usually I don't care what people think of me. Really, I still don't care what he thinks of me, but to hear my love's brother say something like that??? He doesn't see how Lamont could like me? Ow, that hurts bad.
To be honest, I don't see how Lamont liked me either. But I'm glad he did.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

YAY. I'm so talented...

Ok, well not really but I'm just happy now because I added a counter to my blog! Right now its at the bottom of the site, but I want to move it so I dont' have to scroll all the way down just to see how many people have (or haven't) been on my site. Aw, man I feel so good now. Yesterday I was hardly home. I went to class then me and Son' had lunch/breakfast at McDonald's (chzb. happy meal, you already know). I got ready for work straight after that and directly from work went to church. A car makes things so convenient. I'm glad I have it on Mon, Wed, and Fri. Right after church I went to the IWU library because I knew I had to study for my Psych test. I didn't leave until 12am! I studied, and let me tell you, when I took that test today, I felt like I was really on top of things. There were some things I was like "uhhhhhh" on, but *thank God* the section that I had studied most was what was on the test the most. Hallelujah!! I was like "Bam, I know this one, Bam, I know that one, Awww, yea. I sho' know this one." That's a great feeling.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

you have got to be kidding me

Power Rangers Movie!

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a care,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

The first-what the heck.
The second-a smirk, yes. The explaination, not really.

Oh, so NOW I'm awake

I came to the IWU library to get some studying done. I have a Psych test tomorrow and I think I must get an A on it. So its over like 4 chapters and the chapters are pretty lengthy. I was getting through the first chapter when I found myself daydreaming. Then I found myself falling asleep. Craziness I tell ya. When I first got here, I looked for a computer but couldn't find one for anything. I know that was God. I know it was. So after I studied a bit and stopped myself from falling asleep, I decided to look for a computer again. Found one and now I'm strangely awakened. Funny how that works.

Something is terribly wrong...

I don't know what the heck is going on lately. Everyone is down in the dumps. Way down. This is so hard. This is messed up. This sucks. Me personally, I am suffering spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. So let me break it down for ya, just in case you wanna know.

Spiritually: I feel so deeply the need to get closer to my God. I go to church at least 3x a week. I serve God, I love God with all my heart. But for some reason I find it so hard to do the things I know he wants me to do. I haven't read the word in I don't know how long. I want to, I know I need to. I haven't been fasting lately either. And even though I pray everyday, I'm not getting that deep prayer like I need. I have not been interceding for others like I should. That frustrates me. God does so much for me and I do stuff for him too but I need to do more.

Emotionally: Of course everyone knows that I miss So' (aka Lamont). I feel like something is so strange about this whole situation. I pick up on 'vibes' alot and something just doesn't seem right. I can't believe he knew he was gonna die. He knew. Now I will never have the love I wanted. Never. I will never kiss him, hold him, even talk to him again. I am sad about it but I'm tired of being sad all the time. But I can't help it. I truly thought he would be 'the one'. How silly of me. Now, I am happy for Sonia and her um, 'friend' that she has found. That's all I'm gonna say about her friend.

Mentally: College is working my last nerve. Well, not so much college, but me in college. I can't believe my performance, I can do SO much better. I have so so so much work to do and catch up on but for some reason its just not getting done. My mind is so confused about so much right now. I'm sick of school. I wish I could take a semester off or something but I know that everyone will just be jumping on my back about it, I will loose my scholarship, and I would hate to 'take a break' and not come back, or not come back for like 3 years or something.

Physically: My mother is fussing about how I don't take care of my body. I already know I don't take care of my body. I don't get enough sleep, I don't drink enough water/fluids in general, I don't eat enough and what I do eat is unhealthy because I'm usually in a rush. The school/work/church combo is really wearing me down and on top of that I now have to worry about this DI thing. Destination Imagination is gonna kill me off, I can already feel it.

I am frustrated with my job. I know for a fact that God gave me this job because they never ever hire anyone under 18 and I was 16 when I started. I have been given so much favor there, it is ridiculous to think of. I get away with so much. But I know God has me there for a reason, but in 2 years I have yet to figure that out. They don't wanna pay me nothing. That's what really makes me mad. I can't stand even going there. Ugh, I can't stand that job, but I must be grateful for it. I must be grateful for all my struggles. Like the song says "Trouble don't last always...."

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Well, come to find out my blog is rated G. I guess that's good. I read this kid's blog today and he seems like an interesting person so I added his blog to my links. Is that weird of me? His name is Jeff and it seems he is a high school senior. His blog has been the most interesting one of the random ones I have read, so that's that.

Anywho, I guess I'm having a pretty decent day now. This morning was hoorible though. I was missing Lamont awfully bad and I didn't know what to do. I went to my religion class and felt like crap because I didn't have my work done. THEN, on top of that he was telling us the grades we got on the last test. You will not believe what I got because I don't believe what I got. I got a 60%. He showed me and I said "You have got to be kidding me. Are you serious??" He just shook his head. Now, my religion class is about the easiest class I have. On the first test I got a C but all other tests after that have been A's and B's. AND this last test was a take-home exam. I got all of my answers straight off of the outline!!! What's really goin on?? Something has to be seriously wrong because there is just no way... So I'm gonna go and talk to him about that because I always do good on his tests and this one, all the answers were basically laid out for me. *angry sigh*

I don't have to work today and I am so happy. That means I can get some work done! And I WILL get some work done. Sonia has to work tonight and I really wish she didn't but, maybe her working will just help me focus, it cuts down on my distractions. Man, today is such a nice day, I'm loving the weather, even though it looks a little gloomy, the temperature is so nice.

I had a picnic in the car by myself yesterday. Sounds silly I know. I took my lunch break around 4, I had originally planned on taking Symone to Sylvan, but she was already on the bus to go there, so I just went to McDonald's. I had a cheeseburger happy meal. I was sitting in the car in the K-Mart parking lot (cuz its right by Mickey D's) with the windows rolled down and the radio on, just eating my happy meal and enjoying the warm weather and the sunset. It was a nice moment of solitude and reflection. It really did feel like a picnic though. It was just missing a blanket and a park and someone there with me, but hey, who needs all that for a picnic? Not me. lol. (No myfriends, I am not crazy, nor am I going crazy.)

Rated G huh?

What rating is your journal?

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Monday, November 03, 2003


I haven't gotten any really good rest in a long time. In fact I should be in bed right now. You know what? I'm getting so tired of the same thing everyday. Being tired, being mad at myself for slacking in school, tellling myself I'm gonna do better, being sad. I'm so sick of it! I wanna have a day that is so happy and fulfilling. I want my life to feel like it has a purpose and that I am needed and loved. This sucks but you know what? I gotta go through it anyway because this is my life. It will get better, I just have to trust that God will bring me through.

I have a big project due tomorrow. Haven't started it. My rough draft is due for paper 3. I never even did paper 2. Let alone starting paper 3. Shame shame shame.

I think mama hates Donna now. She keeps peeing on the floor but she really can't help it. Poor Donna is getting old. She can't help it.

Me and Sonia spent all weekend together. It was fun. Now usually when I spend more than 2 days with a person, being with them all day, I get sick of them. Not with you Son', I still look forward to hanging with ya.

I remember back in high school, like freshman and sophmore year, me and Sonia would ride the bus home together. I would get home before she did and I would wait 10 minutes or so, so that she could get in the house, take off her bookbag, etc, just so I could call her. We would have seen each other all throughout the day, talked all the way home on the bus, and would then still talk for an hour or so. And we'd probably call each other later. Craziness. High school seems like so long ago.

I was just talking to Son' tonight and it's amazing that 2003 is almost over. This is the year I had been waiting for like, all my life. So much happened this year and I know I can't remember it all but:
We went to DECA
I went to Florida for DECA nationals (yay me and Ali!)
Sonia went to Guyana
We graduated (Woooo hooo class of '03!)
We started college
I fell in love
KaReisha had a lil summer romance (I almost forgot)
All of us went our separate ways (I miss you all!!)
Hooked Sonia up with a date (heh, that was a fun night)
Senior dance-the last time I danced
I finally turned 18.

I know there was so so so much more that I don't remember, leave a comment if you think of something good. I will close with some wasups....

wassup Martina- I haven't talked to you in what seems like a while but I guess it was only a day or so. lol. I'll call you tomorrow, I promise.

wassup Therese-Girl, I love you so much, you are always encouraging and inspiring. You really brighten my days.

wassup Tura- Big one nine huh? You think you all that now.... uh huh. lol, j/k. We shall celebrate your birthday sometime OK? O and I know I still owe you $20 from back in the day. I got you.... No, for real...

wassup Sonia- Get better and please don't share your sickness with those you love. Ok, just don't share it with me.

Bye for now lovely people. I will keep you all in my prayers. O yea, and if you have a prayer request, you can leave it in the comments or you can em it to me.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Mi Blogito...

I'm supposed to be working, so I promised myself I'd just do a little blog.

Yesterday was fun. First I went to Symone's Destination Imagination thing. I see a lot of work in my future with that. Perhaps I am in over my head. Then, I hung out with Karen, Sonia and Amber. We didn't really do anything, just drove around and then we went to eat at BooBoo's Dawghouse. The food was OK I guess, but it didn't really hit the spot. (Like Kip's right Son'?) I helped Sonia with her hair, she was taking down her microbraids. Man O man she better not ever get braids like that again, they were so hard to take down and there were so many. We were up until 6:30 am! Taking down her doggone braids, and then I gave her a perm afterwards. Wooh, man I tell ya, she is lucky to have a friend like me. If I didn't love her....

So yesterday I got to talk to Lamont's twin, Bryan. Whoa man, they sound JUST ALIKE!!! It was so so so so weird, it was like talking to Lamont again. Well, not entirely because conversationally, he's different, but its so funny because he uses some of the same phrases and he laughs the same way Lamont did sometimes. He was really cool though. I think him and Sonia are gonna hook up. He likes her, it seems. Well, he does like her. I felt bad last night because I was really giving him the 3rd degree once I realized he was interested in my girl. I couldn't help it though. He didn't really take it well either, but I hope he still thinks I'm cool or whatever....

I cannot believe it has been one week today that my love has been gone. This past week has been so intense emotionally, its crazy. I can't believe it's only been 7 days because it kinda feels more like a month. So much has happened, it's almost a little overwhelming, but I'm holding it down. You know how I do. I missed him really bad today. I don't know if talking to Bryan is going to help me deal with it or not but I do like talking to him, he's so cool. Even though he did make me mad..... But hey, it's all good, I don't hold grudges, all is forgiven.

Ok so this blog wasn't so little huh?