Tuesday, February 28, 2006

If you had a baby with him, would you keep it?

*sigh* it has come again to that time that every sexually active female has experienced at one time or another.

What if I'm pregnant?!?

Not that I think that I am, but there is always that irrational fear, especially when that fear has a possibility of being true. Stuff that wouldn't normally worry you so much gets you MAD thinking. "hmm, I have been really tired lately. Why am I so hungry? Ugh, I feel nauseated. Could I be. . .???"

Fellas, TRUST it is an awful feelng and if you and your girl are knockin' da boots, I can assure you that she's thought about it. She has also played out in her head if she would keep the child and how the situation would affect her life. Will the guy take responsibility? Am I going to be a single parent? What about my career/schooling? What are my family/friends going to think? Would my baby be cute? (lol ok that one is minor).

I was asked if I would keep the child in the COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL situation that Friendboy and I had one, and of course I would. I mean, I would keep it anyway, but I do think that Friendboy is a decent candidate for fatherhood. However, the thought saddens me. I don't want to be connected to him for the rest of my life for that reason.

Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy. Just today I was talking to his sister and she told me he was taking her out for her birthday tomorrow. How sweet is that? It got me thinking how much I would love to have a big brother to do the same for me. I've always wanted a big brother, and I think one of the main reasons why has to do with the whole absentee father issue *shakes fist at father* BLAST!!

One of my main relationship concerns is whether or not I am looking for a person to kind of replace that fatherly role, and I would have to say that part of me is. I want that person who will take care of me, love me, comfort me, and provide for me even though I don't need him to. The person who can see through my tough skin to my heart. As LL Cool J said, "I need LOVE". Now, let's clarify before we get too far. I am not looking for love, neither do I plan/desire to find it ANYTIME soon, but one day yes. I do want a man who desires to take care of me and showers me with attention and in turn I will do the same for him. I would have no problem at all "catering to" a man who took care of my needs.

But, uuuum. . .He's not that man. While he has many good carachteristics (sp?), I don't think he can handle my very special needs. Especially not now. To be honest, he can't handle the simple needs now, like giving me attention (and I don't ask for much. just give a sista a call ery now and then) so I know the complex ones would be WAY out of the question in the event that something happened to bring us closer together. As a matter of fact, the thought of it is making me sad right now.

So, the smart and rational thing to do would be to leave him alone so that nothing of the sort ever happens *nod*. As a matter of fact, I have vowed not to call him again until he gets his keep-in-touch act together (I mean, can I at least get a message on my Facebook wall?). Okay, kinda broke that rule last night when the roomie was gonna be gone and I wanted some company, but I get to break the rule once.

But anyway, yea I'd keep it. But hopefully we won't have to worry about anything of the sort.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Ay, Dios Mio. . .ADM/OMG

Today I had my first spanish exam in my conversation and culture class. I was a little nerviosa, I'll admit. I mean, I'm only 100% confident in my spanish speaking abilities when talking to. . .well, non-spanish speakers. They are always impressed and yes, sometimes when I'm flowing in espanol to a non-speaker I might throw in some words that don't even fit right if I can't find the word I'm looking for. It's true, and they don't know the difference either way lol. However, seeing that this was an oral exam (hence the conversation part of the class), I couldn't very well do that with the teacher. So, she spreads out these notecards and tells me to chose 2, as each are about a different assignment that we've read, and we will discuss one of them. Hm, just so happens that both of the cards I picked I knew JACK about because they were covered before I got to class (since I came 2 weeks later). I picked the card on "fiestas religiosas" because I figured I knew a lil sum' sum' about it, but I was generalizing like a MUG.

"Pick a religious fiesta and describe it"

Ohhhkay. Hmm lets see. Cinco de Mayo? No no. Er, Quincenera? NO. Gah. Ok I know!!! Three King's Day!. Describe it? "Um, well, there is lots of music and dancing. There is food and they exchange gifts." Precision at its best my dears. Not only is it difficult to improvise with little background knowledge, but to do it in Espanol!? She's looking at me, smiling and encouraging and I can see behind her eyes this "She is so BS'ing". Perhaps it was mirrored from my "I am so BS'ing" expression *shrug*.

Thankfully, it somehow came out of mis labios that I wasn't there for this lecture, so she picked a different card that I definately knew about. "Oh Si!!!" And I began to ramble on and on. What a relief. I got a few points taken off for details of the particular events, but I got full points for fluency and articulation. Yeea Boyee!

On another page, while peeping the Vidette today, I came across an article talking about the campus radio station.

"WZND focuses on cultural appreciation" I read, and I'm thinking GREAT!! I'm all about the appreciation of culture. Then I read, ""Because it is Black History Month we wanted to run something with diversity, but we didn't want to only focus on African Americans ".

What are you talking about?! Black History Month is about Black History. While diversity is great, and I definately encourage it, BHM has to do with BLACK history. If you're going to connect your little program with BHM, make it about Black folk. Simple. ADM!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Ohhh (Friend)Boy
(Lemme break it down)

I consider myself as having always been honest with you. I think that honesty is indeed the best policy, and I simply don't have the deisre within me to decieve someone like you. Having said that, allow me to be honest and please take my words for what they are, as they are.

I like you.

Ok, not a surprise I hope. I say this because I want you to know this, I truly do like you. I think you are such an interesting person, from your background to your present, and even the thought of what the future holds for you is interesting to me. I like you because you are both smart and intelligent (and no, the two are not synonomous) and I believe that allows you to see past the superficiality of many aspects of life that people are turned off by.

That's a turn on.

You are a great person to converse with about deep social, political, and moral issues. Your viewpoints are excellent, and you express them well. In fact, I love the way you express yourself verbally. I could start a conversation just to get you going so I could listen to you talk, and hear what you have to say. There is something intriguing about your words, the way you arrange them, and where they come from as a result of your frame of reference.

It really is a turn on.

I also like the fact that I can, well, read you. I think its a very special thing when a person can read into your soul, and know the unspoken intricacies of your being. I know where your buttons are, what they are, and how to push them with the precise amount of pressure. I must say, one reason I like this is because I feel that it gives me a tremendous amount of power over you. As much as I enjoy that power, please believe that I will not intentionally abuse it unless. . .unless the situation calls for it :) Anyway, I enjoy being able to "read you" because I feel like I have a special insight to who you are and I kinda like what I see.

And that's about it. That's why I like you. I don't like you because you're so foine or anything (which yes, you are handsome). I don't like you because I think you're sexy, or funny, or particularly nice. I don't like you because of your style (*note-burn that dayum do-rag!), or the way you smell, or any of that. Those factors might be some things I like about you, but they are not reasons WHY I like you. Perhaps because I consider them to be superficial, easily changeable, and overall relatively unimportant. I like you for who you are, and I think that is why we have had a good friendship so far.

Now, however, after straddling the fence for a while, we have now crossed the boundaries of mere friendship. I cannot say that this was either intentional or nonintentional on my part. Nevertheless, boundaries have now been crossed, and I wonder where we go from here. Its actually a little strange for me being on this side of the fence, as I am still looking to the friendship side where the grass is far greener instead of facing my own lawn.