Reflection

I remember back in the day, when I was all of maybe 5 or 6, we used to sing this song in the children's choir.

"I might as well think big/ Why should anyone think small?/ I might as well think big/ If I'm gonna think. . .at all"

I also remember conversations with my mother of a similar realm.

"What should I be when I grow up?"
"You can be anything you wanna be."
"But what if I wanna be an. . .astronaut?"
"Then you can be an astronaut."
"Well, what if I wanna be a. . .pizza?!"
"If you wanna be a pizza, then you can be a pizza."
"Maaamaaa, how can I grow up to be a pizza???"
"If that's what you want to be when you grow up, then you'll make a way. Put your mind to it and you can do it."

This is the theory I have been raised on, and I still hold it true today. But it seems somewhere along the line, something has infected my view of being able to do anything I want. Even being a pizza. It seems like as much as I try, and as hard as I'm trying, something isn't working right in my life. School-wise, financially, spiritually, personally, socially, I must be doing something wrong.

Elizabeth, your expectations are too high.

This is the message I'm getting from everywhere I turn! I'm at a point where East meets West in the manner that everything I've known-being able to achieve anything I set my mind to- is being met with the idea that I have set my goals and expectations too high. The combination finds me in a strange place, in a middle state of uncertainty, and I'm not sure what to do with it.

But I do know it's making me cry, because I'm confused.
It's making me feel lost because it seems that I'm not going in the direction of the steps I'm taking.
=(