There's something about academic adivisors that I just don't like. Everytime I go and see one of them, I end up feeling all sad and depressed afterwards, and I don't know why. Just today I went to see mine, and I talked to her about my graduating next semester. She looked at my transcript and said "You think you're gonna graduate next semester?". Now what the heck is that? How is that supposed to make me feel? My driving force of this semester is to get to next semester so I can graduate, and then she says that. So I'm starting to think, oh no, don't tell me I mis-calculated, that I have more than one semster to go. . . So I said "Yeah, I only need 18 more hours." Once she looked at my transcript she said "Oh, okay." That made me upset.

Then, I was telling her about what school I wanted to transfer to (UIUC folks) and she went to the website, but couldn't find what she was looking for. . . the whole thing was making me very upset, I don't know if its just me or what. Maybe because I'm tired. . .

I guess I'm kinda in an odd mood anyway, I went to this great workshop today and the guy was talking about goal setting and motivation and what not, so I was all on a high, feeling great. But now I feel so. . .I don't really know the word for it. I feel like maybe I shouldn't have spanish as my major, even though I love the language. Sometimes I get so intimidated, especially when I see or talk to people who speak it better than me. Or like when I went on the spanish interpreting/tutoring part of the website for U of I, all of the people were hispanic (well, at least their names were). And that makes me think, how can I possibly compete in a market with so many native spanish speakers? There is no way my spanish could ever compare. Yes, I would love to be an interpreter or something like that, traveling around the world, using the beautiful spanish language, but what are the odds that someone will hire me, little Elizabeth from the South Side of Chicago, when they can hire Isabel, originally from Mexico? Is my insecurity understandable? Is it not justified?

And what is to come of all my hard work with education? I'm doing my best to get done in 4 years, no more, maintain good grades and keep up with all my other responsibilities but is it gonna be worth the struggle? I want more out of life than just a degree and decent job. . .

This is all my advisor's fault.