ok, it's all about this 8 page paper that was due last Monday. WHY CAN'T I GET PAST PAGE 3??? I have writer's block to the extreme, and I blame it on one factor in my life:

Fear of Mediocrity

This, if not anything else, is the cause for 95% of my procrastination and inability to "reach my full potential". I loathe mediocrity. It is the hidden locust that buzzes its ugly song outside my window, mocking me, taunting me because it knows I can't find it, crush it, and bring an end to its song. Whatever I do (academically at least) I want it to be not only my best, but the best. In this english class, I want my paper to be better than anyone else's in the class. I want my teacher to think "This girl's got TALENT!!", and I want to feel that it's true.

However, once again, I find myself at this computer for hours making no progress.

On another note, I went to Chicago this weekend. I almost left Friday without packing any bags or telling anybody, following the spirit of a true vagabond, however all trains and busses had left town, and a sista was kinda broke anyway. . .

But Saturday, I went. Going to Chicago always puts me in a reflective mood, which especially helped because I was taking some pics for my photography class. I think about how different the CHI is from any other city I've been to. It truly has its own unique culture. My goal was to capture the essence of the hood. Why did I choose that? Because that's where I came from, that's my roots! Besides, the "ghetto" and the hood are some of the most misunderstood concepts among Americans of all colors. Most people never get to see the hood, so this is my present to them. It's like a presentation of that which is at the heart of me. But alas, I know they won't be provoked with the same feelings I get from it. Does that once again bring me back to that nadir of mediocrity?

*sigh*