Never Let A Man Put His Hands On You

"Never let a man put his hands on you." My mother raised me with this advice. She always taught me that it is NEVER acceptable for any man, boy, or any member of the male gender to EVER lay a hand against me. And if he ever did . . . to wear his ass out.

She started teaching me this long before she ever mentioned that she had been a victim of domestic violence. I couldn't believe that MY mother, as strong and tough as she is, had ever been hit by a man. Repeatedly. It wasn't like a one-time thing that happened because he was so mad he couldn't control himself. It was an abusive relationship. But, I guess she learned from her past and passed that lesson on to me so that I wouldn't have to learn the hard way.

Now, the women in my family are tough. I've watched my mother brawl with her ex-husband. My grandmother shot one of her ex-boyfriends cuz he kept messing with her. Her sister, my great aunt, was the first female sheriff in her town. These women ain't no punks! I will never forget last Thanksgiving. All the family was there, and every older woman-grandmother, great aunt, great-grandmother- individually pulled me to the side at some point to tell me the same thing, "Never let a man hit you." And each time, this piece of advice was followed up by a story in which the woman- grandmother, aunt, etc- was hit by the current or former man, and how she basically went buck wild on him, and he never hit her again. My aunt even said, "That's why we're still together today." Now, this was about a month after the breakup. They had all received news of the engagement, but the breakup was still fresh. Noone really knew yet that we were no longer together, and that I wasn't with any man to have to worry about being hit, but I took the advice. And I will keep those gems of wisdom close to my heart.

I just wish that other women received the same messages.

Almost every week I hear my neighbors fighting. They are a young couple. Well- she's young, and he's about 10 years her senior. The fighting escalates from arguing to throwing things around to. . . him throwing her around. I hear her being shoved into things, pushed around, hit. . . I hear her crying and screaming out "Why are you doing this to me????" and it breaks my heart. I even had to call the police on them one day, because I was so scared of what was happening on the other side of that wall. The police came. They both insisted that it was just a little spat that they were having, even after the officer asked him why he was sweating so much.

"Oh, man, it's hot in there. I just need to turn on the air conditioning, you know?" It's not that hot in your apartment on a 60 degree night.

The thing that gets me is that she stays. She keeps coming back to him everyday, no matter what he does. I want to talk to this girl, and I know I can't tell anybody what they should or should not do, but maybe she doesn't know that she has other options. Maybe noone ever told her that she doesn't have to put up with his maniac behavior. And I don't wanna get all up in other people's business, but if it were my sister, friend, or my daughter in the same situation I would want someone to talk to them. Hopefully though, they will heed that same advice that was passed on to me, "Never let a man put his hands on you."