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I have this heavy feeling on my heart. I feel grieved and saddened. I read an article in the campus newspaper today about a party on this college campus with the theme of "straight thuggin". People wore gold chains and hats cocked to the side, and didn't cause any disturbances. They basically just listened to some rap music and chilled, and there were only about 20 people there. This party was cause for a discussion with the Racial Relations department of the campus, because they were concerned that it "parodied racial stereotypes" and that it would further isolate black students on campus.

I got heated. I got into "blackfolkscan'thavenothin" mode. Why when we do something that is culturally representative of a part black culture (the whole rap scene did not originate with anybody else) we have to come under criticism?? DANG. We can't just enjoy ourselves?

Then I read "About 4% of the university's 4,667 undergraduate students are black. None of the students who attended the party were black."

Aw Hell to the Naw!!!!!

(forgive any lack of political correctness to follow.)
I'm through. I am so very tired of dealing with RACE on an everyday basis. Everyday I have to be Black. I do not have a problem with my blackness as it is, because I think it is wonderful. My ancestors and people have a rich and vibrant heritage and culture, one to be proud of. My people are strong and noble. What I have a problem with is being Black as opposed to being White.

What am I trying to say? Please stick with me, I don't wanna lose you.

Of course we know that in America, White is the standard. Anyone who is anything other than white isn't viewed as what they are: Latino, Persian, East Asian, Black, Native American, etc. NO, they are instead viewed as "Non-White".

Of course we know that the Black/White racial relation is the most extreme in this country due to slavery. Other groups indeed encounter racism, and my intent is not to ignore or deny that, but to focus on this Black/White thing, because that is where my primary concern lies.

I'm sick of being Black as opposed to being White. I'm also sick of making sure that I don't harbor my anger and become mad at whitefolks. (the term whitefolks refers to the race and the dominating system of whiteness, not Whites as individuals). I am sick of dealing with what is called "the fact of blackness" which means that no matter what I achieve, accomplish, am capable of, and do, I am Black, and that will always be significant.

*sigh* more on this later. I have FAR too many thoughts to formulate a discussion in this post alone.