Tonight I would love to write you something interesting. Something to maybe stimulate your thoughts, or make you laugh. I would especially love to make you laugh, but I'm not really a funny person. *sigh* Guess I just felt like blogging. . .

Writing is always a good release. Since I started blogging I've left my personal journal (which I just call my book) pretty lonely. Sometimes I miss writing in it, but I often find it hard to gather up the energy to do so. lol it's like writing is so much work. But I always love reading past entries, cuz I always remember each event just like it was yesterday. Everything from Freshman year homecoming, to not being friends with Angela anymore, to Daryl's death, to my trip abroad. I smile as I flip through the pages.

Lately I have not been feeling well on several levels. It seems that this happens every now and again, just an overall ill feeling.

I feel confused. I feel like everything I have always known means nothing. That all the information I have been fed are all lies, and that the truth, subjective as it may be, is nearly impossible to find. This is a very frustrating feeling.

I also feel uncomfortable here at Illinois State. I'm ready to leave here, and settle in the place where I belong, wherever that may be. I think I should've been born a different kinda animal. Maybe a tropical bird, or some type of. . .oh, I don't even know.

I saw Max the other day (I am so ready to be through with him) at Wal-Mart. I wished him a happy belated birthday (I remembered, cuz his is the day after mine), but he didn't wish me one. Was it wrong for me to be a little upset? It's not like my birthday was in a different month or like he didn't know when it was. It's the day after his! :-( Whatever. My mother said "Elizabeth, he's a man". I said "So what??". Then she mentioned someting about "emotional crumbs" being left over. Hecks yea there's emotional crumbs.

I think I've taken out my overall ill feelings on some unsuspecting victims. These girls on my floor have a dry-erase board on their door, and write little stupid stuff on there. One day while walking past, I decided to just run my finger through the writing, which of course wipes it off. Then I discovered that I LIKE doing it, and would actually look forward to it once I got on my floor. It would just give me a little thrill.

Then they started getting mad and leaving threatening messages on the board. It went from:
"Whatever ho keeps erasing our board is gonna get slapped. I will find you. . ."
to:
"You have managed to piss me off you F*ing B*ch. I will find your A* and beat you down"

Yea right. First of all you ain't gon' find me cuz I'm slick like oil baby, and second of all if you wanna fight then bring it. Because you are just like all the rest of the girls here at ISU that I'm tired of seeing every dang day, and knocking you out will actually make me feel good. So let's go.

Recently, I've stopped erasing, but mostly because somebody else is doing it now (which I find to be hilarious and sad at the same time). I think whoever the other eraser is, she is just doing it because of the written reaction she gets from the board owners. But that's not good. She even erased the board of the girl right across from me, and she's really nice! An innocent victim. That other eraser needs to get her own mean trick, don't go stealing mine. How she gon' cop my style??

It's that lack of individuality ya'll.